WOW! it's been a long time!

nobody uses xanga anymore, do they? so I suppose my writing here won't matter since no one is reading, lol.

well, to put it in very broad terms, life is really good! and I'm 19 in two days! lol, there's no point in detailing everything that's happened since high school graduation. maybe when I'm really bored I'll recap on the last nine months (oh my gosh! it's been so long!) just for my own sake. regardless, wherever everyone may be, I hope you are well!

things are going really well! first off, I think finally deciding on a college has really lifted a burden from my shoulders! it was really hard trying to decide, because of location, cost, and so many other reasons, but I'm following my feelings here, and I think I'm doing the right thing! that is, I hope I am! lol, I have a feeling I'm going to get so homesick, but I'm really excited about going! it does make me a little nervous that my ex currently goes to school there, and it almost stopped me from wanting to go there since things did not end well between us, which I know sounds like a lame reason to begin with. still, I just keep thinking that I'll meet so many new people in the area that it'll be all right, and if I do see him I'll be all right too, lol! it's going to be a great experience! NYU, class of 2010! yay!

mother's day was really good! paul and his family invited me to spend mother's day with them, so we all went out to dinner at this really nice italian restaurant. it was so lovely, just being with his family, and the atmosphere was so comforting! then we went back to their house and made homemade ice cream. lol, it didn't turn out too well when I tried making ice cream! paul's mom was really nice about it though, and she helped me through it so that it had more of an ice cream texture than that of mashed potatoes, lol! I love paul's mom, she's so sweet! we had such a good time!

it's kind of nice to have a week spent focusing on one thing and one thing only, and that's the musical! I am so proud of how much progress we've made on this show, and I'm sure it's going to be wonderful! today we had our last rehearsal, and our first performance is tomorrow! I think we're ready for this! after we sang our last chorus of stand by me, I realized that regardless of how stressed we've been and how much emotional drama has occured, we put together something great, and personally, I learned a lot from this. well, maybe I should wait to give my thoughts on all this after the musical is over since performing is going to be a totally different experience worth writing about too, lol.

everything has made me so happy! I know this feeling doesn't last forever, but I know when it does come along it always feels just a little bit better than the time before! and I know there will be several more wonderful times to come, and I can't wait!

wow, it's been such a long time, and I'm really sick right now. I apologize for not commenting to anyone who wished me a happy birthday since I am still having technical problems, but I really do appreciate it all! thank you.

so much has happened since my last update, but I can't write too much about all of it for the time being. there is one thing I want to bring up though. college. I think I'm the last person I know in my class who hasn't decided where I'm going to college yet! I don't have much time left to decide either! I applied to more colleges than I should have, and I was accepted to all of them except for stanford and carnegie mellon, both of which I was actually waitlisted for, but I'm counting them as rejections since it'll make choosing a college easier, lol. that leaves me with thirteen schools, lol, and I hope you think I'm kidding about that! well, thanks to a lot of prayer and advice, I have it narrowed down to four schools. I consider narrowing thirteen schools down to four a miracle!

CSU Fullerton
New York University
Reed University
San Francisco State University

I have several reasons for wanting to attend each, but I cannot go on. now the bigger miracle will be choosing one out of these four! I feel like I'm on the bachelor, except this time my suitors are colleges! lol, I'm such a nerd.

hi! lol, I was hoping to be on here after midnight just so I could make this post since I don't think I will have time later on today to write. I'll make this brief!

oh my gosh! it's my birthday! I'm a legal adult!

well, what do I do now? lol. even though it's raining, I hope this turns out to be a great day! I'll have to wait for the day to actually start though, lol. bye for now!

hi! I can't sleep, and I have an incredible amount of things to update about, but I really wanted to talk mostly about one pretty good thing that's happened in my life recently. I'll get to it after a quick summary of most of the other things that have been happening in my life though! lol, ok!

well, second semester has already started, and I was happy because I ended up with As in all of my classes last semester! and thanks to independent study, this semester I'm only taking two academic courses, and the rest are music and theater classes, lol! it's so much fun! soccer was really fun too, and I'm a little sad it's over, but that's all right because track is starting up and that's going to be good too! I finished up all of my college applications, so I'll find out later where I got accepted and where I didn't! our senior musical has started too, and it's been really fun so far! I get to sing a lot of really fun songs, most of them with the other guys, and we sound pretty good! I also found a voice teacher! so on top of school, work, dance, musical rehearsals, church activities, after school sports, clubs, and other things, I think I'm doing pretty well! lol, it's hectic, but so much fun! I used the word fun a lot in this paragraph, lol.

and does anyone else think maxwell zagorski is absolutely gorgeous? oh my gosh, I melted when I saw those posters of him at A&F! and I watched the spring break A&F video! oh my goodness, maxwell, hot hot hot!

now onto what I said I would write about! lol, I guess it's a pretty good thing! it's actually a little bit hard to figure out how it really makes me feel, but here's what's happened. things have been getting a little difficult to deal with, especially after this year began. one night, I was really upset, so for some reason I went onto my computer, and as usual, it was having problems and wouldn't let me do anything. however, it allowed me to check my email. so, I went into my inbox, and I received this email from an address I wasn't familiar with, but I opened it anyway. oh my gosh, I cannot begin to tell you how surprised I was when I read it and found out who was writing to me. it was my first boyfriend, paul. I haven't heard from him since he graduated from high school two years ago, and we had lost contact since then, but I always thought about trying to reach him and just find out how he's been doing. I didn't know what had happened to him, and I even thought he went to college far away, but it turns out he's only about an hour drive from here! well, after I received his email, we talked a lot more, just catching up on everything that's happened in our lives these past almost two years. it also happened that my winter formal was coming up, and the person I really wanted to go with refused to go with me, so I finally decided I would ask paul, and he said yes. we went together, and we had an amazing time! I had so many reminiscents of when he took me to his junior prom, and it was just so much fun! we spent a lot more time hanging out together after that night also, and it was easy for him since he didn't start school until the end of january. he doesn't seem to have changed all that much to me, and there's nothing wrong with that because I really liked him before as well!

oh my gosh, I have to write about this too! lol. ok, on valentine's day, I was actually having a really good day at school, but then that night something happened that made me really sad. so, instead of going out with a small group of my single friends to dinner that night like we planned, I decided I'd sit it out and stay home because I was just too upset to do anything. then paul called me much later on that evening, asking me if I liked the flowers. lol, I was totally confused by this, and I told him I had no idea what he was talking about, and he said that he thought I saw the flowers he left at my door. so, I opened the door thinking I was going to find flowers, but there was nothing there. admittedly, I was a little disappointed, so I told him there were no flowers there, and he said to check again. so, I opened the door again, and there was still nothing there. I told him again that there were no flowers there, but he insisted he left flowers for me. so, at this point, I drag myself to the door expecting another disappointment, and I was right because there were still no flowers at the door. I'm ready to shut the door (and we're still talking on the phone as all of this is happening) but then he tells me to wait because the third time is the charm, lol. so, I wait, and he comes out of nowhere with a dozen roses and a big heart shaped box of chocolates! I was so surprised! and he took me out to ice cream, and then he also gave me a card which was really sweet and had a picture of us from our date on valentine's day three years ago. I had such a good time, I really did not imagine my valentine's day would turn out like that! it was wonderful in a lot of ways, although I'm also not sure what to think about it all. lol, I'm so confusing. I wonder what will happen now? I really don't know, but I hope it's good.

on another note, I'm going to be 18 in less than two weeks! I'm excited!

wow, I really should get to sleep! but how was that for an update? lol, I'll try not to write so much next time! and I hope it won't be too much longer until next time either, lol!