these are just thoughts and don't express my desire to get into a relationship...

so recently for a while now, i've been thinking about relationships - a lot. maybe because i am being approached more and more often about my own status... some people just curious, some concerned. i find it funny...

for the record, i am single and have never been in an exclusive relationship or even dated. and mostly it's been by personal choice to stay single. of course, i hope to enjoy a family of my own some day, but in the meantime, i'm fine with where i am...

as a singling (if that is a word), i've gotten to observe so many kinds of relationships - some i'd like to have, and some i hope i NEVER encounter. from my parents, who divorced after like 9 yrs of marriage, to cousins, who dated their high school sweethearts solidly for 10+ yrs then married them, to friends, who spent several years in abusive relationships, to my sister, who married after a 3-4 month courtship, to friends/people and the media, who encourage casual dating, constantly in a state of transition from person to person...

when i see all these sorts of relationships, i try to envision my life beyond singleness. but it is pretty difficult... so then i question myself about how ready i am. i'm sure some would say i am, and certainly some would say i'm not. so i'm confused. =P

i realize that people have different views about relationships, and i'm okay with that. but it does make me wonder: how do you know if you're ready for one of your own? what makes you ready? let me reiterate that i'm NOT looking to jump into anything right now, just curious about other views...

any thoughts?

"my country, tis of thee..." (well, close enough).

i read this article online today b/c it caught my attention = are you kidding me!? HAHAHA.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080520/ap_on_fe_st/odd_mexico_jailed_burro

Mexican donkey jailed for ornery behavior

an ode to the mother // [and potentially a sequel to my last post]:

i celebrated mother's day w/ my one and only this past weekend in San Deezy... and how refreshing it was to just be with her!! she never asks me to do anything, and usually she insists that i don't give her anything special for the occassion. but how can i resist?? of course, i love her to death, but i think it's inherent between us...

if you know any history between my mother and i, then you know that we haven't had the perfect relationship. in fact, there was a period in time when it felt like we didn't have a relationship at all. [i won't go into details, but won't mind answering questions]. regardless, i feel as if i've learned so much from her, i respect her in sooo many ways, and cannot imagine ever living without her. i love her, i love her, i love her. my dad is my rock, but she is the green grass that grows all around, adding character to everything about me...

if there is anything that i've received from my mother besides my youthful asian glow // j/k, even though she carries very strong genes \\ or my strong sense of cultural identity (WOOT WOOT, PINOY AKO!!), it's probably my impulse to give, give, give!! i like to think i'm a generous person, but i guess i can't be the one to speak. anywho, generosity has always been a trait that i've associated with my mom. food, money, clothes, rides, gifts, etc... if she had it, and you needed it, she gave it. i remember when she'd have guest, she'd give up her bed for them to sleep in, and she'd take the couch - or even the floor if the couch was taken. even now, she'll call me to ask if something she bought for someone else in the family was good enough - when it would be one of those 'just-because gifts'. this past weekend, she had me drive her after work to my auntie's house to deliver a cup of creamer - yes, a cup of CREAMER!! the examples go on and on...

these examples, along with the many others that exist, reflect on her willingness to give whatever she can - tangible and non-tangible. how do you give back to someone who has given so much of themselves to help you become who you are today? i try, and i hope she knows how much she is loved by me...

and of course, here we are after our mother's day dinner...

so a wise man once told: "you could list all the good qualities you think you possess, and it would still mean nothing. it would only matter if those around you see those same qualities..."

yeah, that was my pops. i tend to underestimate how deep my dad can be, but every now and then i experience those moments when i'm reminded of how blessed i am to have him as my patriarch - and i can't even describe how inspiring they are... in ways, i pray that i will grow into such a man as my father, but i know God has created me to be uniquely myself.

my dad shared the above statement while telling me about a class he's been taking for work - a psychology class of sorts. the in-class exercise he had to do was make a list of all the good qualities that comprised him, and that was his response. i guess the instructor was so moved by his answer that he suggested that my dad teach the class. my dad declined... [[some background: my dad was 1 of the few of his siblings who finished high school. but as far as formal education goes, that's as far as he went. he went straight into the navy]]

i strongly believe that wisdom is not learned - it comes from God and life experience. and i believe that my dad's response reflects what God has done in his life and his reverence for God's word. 1 John 3:18 says, "let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth" // in other words in a way where others can see and know our love: the way the Father loves, the way Christ loved on Earth.

you go dad, go!!

now believe it or not. here is Papa Fitzpatrick:

 --->  ?      =P

(i may have to post about my mother now, just in case) HAHAHA.

so... it's 10:47pm (my time) and i'm sitting here in Joseph and Elaine's dining area. so far i've enjoyed 1 day in Missouri, and from what i've seen, it's a really nice place!! --> very quiet, very clean, very spacious, very green... very natural, i guess you can even say!! Columbia, MO is a very new experience to me considering that this is normal/daily/routine for the folks here. i told Joseph today while visiting the Chi Alpha house "The Lodge" that i felt like i was at a retreat!! The Lodge is one heck of a house, and is beautiful to look at and walk around // definitely makes me think of what we could have in LA. i get to tour the University of MO, Columbia tomorrow with Joseph... he's gonna try his best to administer the tour in Uwe fashion (not attire, in case you are wondering). i'm looking forward to it, and interested to kinda get a feel of what some of my closest friends used experience everyday. =)

in other news - on my flight from Vegas to St. Louis, i decided to do some recreational reading. so i packed Sex God by Rob Bell in my carry-on since i've been wanting to read it = i'd only gotten through the first 10pgs. until yesterday. needless to say, it was a good idea on my part. on the plane, i was wedged between the window on one side and two big (very big, but nice) ladies traveling to Illinois... since i couldn't move very much (including going to the restroom), i was able to blaze through a lot of the book // it's a very easy read anyways. i managed to do half the book in about 2.5 hours!! (i haven't done that in a while.) a midst the collision of Bell's random thoughts and unique anecdotes, i found very many truths that i agreed with and a few ideas that caused me to think...

in trying to explain how God has taken the risk in us/humans, Bell writes this:

"It's written in Genesis 6:6 that God 'regretted* that he had made human beings on the earth, and His heart was deeply troubled.'

...These ancient writers saw God as having a heart..."

*(the word 'grieved' is used instead in the NIV translation)

now, i've always believed that God had a heart - i mean, c'mon... He loves me/you/us. but until i read this section in Ch. 5 "She ran into the bathroom", i've always recognized "God's heart for..." vs. "God's heart." - you know, the kinda question they ask you in Sunday School = what/where is God's heart?? oh, well it's in missions; it's for people; it's in justice; it's for righteousness; it's in servanthood; etc... and in thinking about these things, i realized that i had failed to see the most important aspect of God's heart // the part that everyone could relate with despite age, ethnicity, language, socio-economic status, (the list goes on)...

[continuing from the passage above]

"These ancient writers saw God as having a heart.

That feels.

That responds.

That hurts.

That fills with pain.

God... grieving..."

this God of the Bible, this God that millions of people worship, this God that people are constantly trying to find/figure out // my God shares my heart - our human heart. now this is a god that people need, so it should also be a god that people want, right!?

i don't really know how to answer that question. i'm definitely not trying to respond on behalf of the entire human population. but i'm pretty sure that the answer i'd love to hear would be true if people knew about this part of God's heart. =) i hope i can help with that...

it amazes me that this kind of heart beats in me too, and it also makes me  God even more.