hey everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wel lee is still in jail. i miss him so much. i wish he could be here. i like my job. BLUE is ko i jus wish that i made more money. i had a guy stick his toung down my mouth. i was so pissed. idk what lees gana do if he finds out. he has temper issues. i miss him so much. idk what it is with him but he actually treats me better than anyone has ever treated me. hs not right now but hes locked up. even while hes locked up he is still worried about me and telling his laywer to call me and make sure that i`m taken care of. how sweet is that. hes worried that i wont be here for him when he gets out but i will be. i am falling for him and it scares me. well i`m cramping and i feel like shit so i`ll tell more later ttyle

the advice gal

hey everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well things have been really stressed ont. mama still doesnt have a job and now lees is back in jail. i miss him lots. now lucrisa if your reading this please dont tell my mom that lee is my boyfriend. i havent told her yet and i`m waiting till things are less stressful with this situation. so please dont tell her. anyways, i got a new job. i`m working at a bar called blue. finals are this week. i gota find a new job for when school gets out. i miss my boyfriend so much. he cares about me a lot. i`m a little worried that he thinks cause he got arrested again that i`m going to leave him but this has to do with the same things so i wont. i`m going tomarrow to see him. his mama isnt doing to well. she hates being away from her son. i hate being away from him. its really funny cause now that me and him are dating he says that everything is we now. he wants to buy a car for us. he told me that in his eyes i`m a queen and a princess. he wants to do anything that he can to make he happy. he worries about me all the time. i really dont believe that everything he says is true and he knows this and he wants to show me that he means what he says. i guess i will see. i`m not going to let myself get too attached to him. i want to see if he really means what he says before i can truly believe and trust him. i always get hurt and i`m not going to let that happen again. i like my new job. the people there are great. one of my coworkers likes me but he knows that i`m taken and that hes in jail. i hate that i cant talk to him i`m used to that. lees says if i want him out of my life i have to tell him to leave my life but untill that he wants to be apart of it wether or not we`re dating. i just really hope that if wants to break my heart that he does it before i get to attached. i gave michael the chance to end things before we got to deep and he didnt want to and he broke my heart with the way he handled things. i wish i could of done something better but i`m just not ment to be happy. i`m so deppressed and no one knows it. i havr to put on this front to everyone for so long idk how to deal with it anymore. it has gotten to the point to where i have to give myself reasons everyday to get up and reasons as to why i shouldnt end my life. i hate my life and i`ve hated it for so long that i just have to force myself to keep going just to keep everyone happy. over the last year i havent done half the fun things i used to do. i hardly ever get dressed up or put on makeup. i wish i had more of a reason to be happy with my life. well ttyle

the advice gal

hey everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well its been a while since ive updated. thingslately are going from bad to worst. since i turned 18 things have been going crazy. me and michael dont talk anymore but he showed up at my work a few weeks ago. i was so shocked. i still dont even know why he did it. i thought that i was never going to hear from him again. me and blake are not doing the best idk if we`ll even endup together. i miss him so much. he just doesnt want me anymore. after everything with michael he doesnt know if he can ever forgive me. i meet this guy lee. he understands that i`m not ready to get into a realtionship yet. i told him all about michael and blake. i have been treated like shit everytime i think that they love me. i dont know if i`m ever going to end up happy. after everything that guys do to me i just dont see it. lee is head over heals for me. last week he got sent to jail for traffic tickets. i`m the only one who can help him get out. his family cant help him so now he is putting all his hope on me. i hate being the only one you can depend on but i`m always in that situation. i was going to move out of the house but since mom doesnt have a job i  cant move out. i cant throw out my family on the streets. i really wish i could just have somone to talk to . plus i lost my job. i`m under investagtion for what lee is in jail for. me and his mama are goign to go visit him tonight. i miss him. we would talk everyday and now we cant even do that. i cant see him everyday. i`m al alnone in this. i cant talk with anyone but mama. she doesnt understand everything i`m going through cause i cant complety teel he cause i want to keep her safe. i`m so stressed out. i thought that things would turn out different than they have. i thought michael wanted to be with me but i was just a way to take up his time untill amanda would take him back. i have been nothing but lied to and decived and used. i`m sure its just a mater of time before lee does the same thing thats why i dont want to get involved with him. my heart has been through so much pain idk if i can handle anymore. the thing that sucks is that i do like lee but how can i trust him. even he has lied to me. i cant trust anyone that i get involved with. why do guys hve to be so devient. i just want to be loved is that so much to ask?ttyle

the advice gal

hey everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i`ve been pretty busy lately. i havent sleept much over the last few weeks. i just cant sleep. i will lay in bed and just think for hours at a time. plus when i do get some sleep, i wake up numerious times during the night. i cant stop thinking about hwere i`m going after all this shit is over. blake wants me to move in with him this summer. i`m still not sure if what our plans are will match. me and michael havent talked in 4 days. things are finally over with us. i`m so upset that he wouldnt come talk to me though. i was really wanting to get back together with him. i wanted to tell him in person but he wouldnt take the time to come see me. that really hurt. i told him how important this was to me and he didnt even care. i wanted nothing more than to just at least see him one last time. i cant believe that he would just toss me aside like that. i thought he cared about my feelings but apparently not. i wanted to tell him that i was sorry and that i missed him everyday. i thought about him eberyday. i wanted to get back together with him but i wanted to have him hear it from me and not a phone. he moved out of that apt he was staying at. i`m glad that he is getting his life back together. i want nothing more than for him to find true happiness. even if thats not me. i hope that he will always remember me. i know that i wont ever forget him. he means a lot to me. he touched my life and i will take what we shared with me and remember and learn. he showed faith in me for a while. i miss that part of him.he had faith in us. he wasnt going to let anything tear us apart. he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. he introduced me to a different kind of love. i have always thought that there was many kinds of love. he showed me the love of a marrage. i had never really thought about me getting married untill he said thats what he wanted. i couldnt stop thinking about it. with him i found out what i want my wedding to be like. dress, place, everything that i want at my big day. even though we arnt together i still think about my big day. i have evrything but the face of the groom.

ttyle

the advice gal

hey evryone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well i ended thing with michael. things wernt going the way that i though t that they would. we are goign to stay friends though. we both want to try to become friends first so maybe we can be together. the only problem with that is now that i told blake that me and michael broke up, blake is trying to get to me again. he already told me that we cant and wont be together untill we can be near to one another. i dont know what i`m going to do. everytime i tink that i have things under control, someone pops into the picture and usally its a person of the past. weather they mean to or not they mess everything up. always, but sometimes when it does happen, its for the good. right now things could go either way with my live right now. i`m a lil sad that i`m all confused again. i didnt want to be. i just want to be stress free for a lil while. not think about having to worry that i`m making the wrong choice. i`m already stressed out enough trying to get everything on order. cassi moved out . her shit is still in my room though. i need that shit out so i can have a room again. i want to have friends come over and hang out in my room. if i thought that it was cool the way it was before, what i have in my mind is ten times better than what it was. i cant wait till i get the front room done. it wont be for a while. i`m lazy. i should have my celing up but it takes a lot of energy to do all that. i have to wait till i get bigger staples. well i will edit this more tonight ko. ttyle

the advice gal