|
aerieofgrace
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Interests: astrology, tarot, my calico Amber, my orange tabby Lil Mudd, my houseplants, music, dance, movement, feminism, recovery from childhood sexual abuse, economics, microfinance, leadership, ministry, discovering commonality and dialogue in the midst of religious differences, grace, grassroots social change, activism, skillful communication, ritual, laying new patterns in my soul/brain, having kids someday, shamanic journeying, art, swimming, beach vacations, down time, plotting updates and repairs to my 70 year old house, interior decorating, McCoy pottery, comfy but stylie clothes, retro accessories, assertiveness, boundaries, investing in myself, learning how to cope with bipolar II disorder and the effects of my medication, OkGo, finding a partner with whom to create a satisfying life
Expertise: finding God/Love/Hope/Possibility everywhere
Occupation: financial analysis / ministry
Industry: information technology
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/26/2006
|
|
| Comfort Wishes from Jennifer LoudenImagine a bowl
a vast epic bowl, big enough for Greek Gods to drink their wine from.
This bowl is so humongous, it can hold
all your worries,
all your fears,
all your perturbations,
agitations, heebie-jeebies, and twitchiness
about trying and doing and getting done and how if you don't stay on your toes
maybe the sun won't come up tomorrow morning
maybe the planet won't turn on its axis
maybe the tides won't slosh
maybe you just won't keep it all together and then
who knows what might happen? This bottomless repository can hold all that
and even more.
So open your heart and your busy brain and
spill,
let it all go.
It will be held here, contained, and maybe even,
if you wish,
transmuted
from drudgery to desire
from effort to interdependence
from I to we. Jennifer is a best-selling author, personal coach, former monthly columnist for Martha Stewart's Body+Soul magazine, a frequent guest on radio and TV, and creator of learning events and retreats around the country. She's devoted to nurturing women to evoke their creative power so they can have a blast while changing the world. She's been on Oprah, been interviewed in most major magazines, and her newest book is The Life Organizer: A Woman's Guide to A Mindful Year. Her blog, websites, and ezine (all free) draw thousands of readers each month and there are over 800,000 copies of her six books in print. www.jenniferlouden.com and www.comfortqueen.com | | |
| From Chicago's Hazel Aura G.First we get a hunch,
& an opportunity presents itself...
pointing to a helping action we might take...
& If we take that action with intention
we create an aura of attraction
where mysterious encounters
& synchronicities affirm us...
opening up doorways...
sometimes it's a closet to clean out...
it may appear to be an empty room...
But if we remain true
to this activated part of ourselves
the flow builds momentum & continues...
it becomes first a path,
then a mission
& then a true embodiment,
that tells us we are
finally who we came here to be...
- Hazel Aura G.
www.shedrums.com
| | |
| Lamictal and other muddied watersIn case anyone else was wondering why I didn't tell my psychiatrist
about the rash I had that seems like it was caused by the Lamictal, I
failed to mention on here that I did actually talk to him about it last
Monday. What I didn't do was call him back Friday to discuss it again.
Monday he seemed unconcerned that I had a rash all over my arms and
legs and wanted me to keep taking the Lamictal. The more the rash
worsened and the more reading I did, the more worried I became that it
would suddenly turn into the fatal type of rash.
I have another issue with this doctor, something that really eroded my
trust of him. During my last appointment he took a call during it.
That's generally unacceptable in my book to start with as it's
disrespectful of my time and the fact that I should have his undivided
attention. Then, he proceeded to discuss another client's case,
including stating the client's name, over the phone with another doctor
-- while I was sitting there. This seems like a huge violation of
privacy, possibly a HIPAA violation.
The rash thing, it's impossible to tell if I'm over-reacting. There's
no way to know if I would get the deadly rash if I kept taking the
medicine - because I'm not willing to take that risk. Re. the privacy
thing, maybe some people wouldn't be as bothered by this as I am, but I
am bothered by it. I have the right not to worry whether my doctor is
discussing my case in front of other clients.
My washer is still not fixed. My parents did some basic
trouble-shooting and my dad thinks it's the lid switch. However, we
couldn't figure out how to get the top off the washer in order to
remove the lid switch and take it somewhere to get a replacement part.
My dad suggested I call a repair place and tell them what we'd done so
far and have them come out to replace the lid switch. I'm frustrated
because that would mean spending quite a bit more money than I was
hoping for this repair. Grrr, argh.
I spent way more than I expected at the fundraiser auction this
weekend. I need to keep reminding myself it was for a good cause. And I
need to update my check register so I know where I am financially. Then
I won't feel so out of control.
Right now the net result of going to Chicago is I feel more isolated
now that I'm home. It was good to see everyone and it reminded me how
much I miss going to the Grove. I cried during ritual and I cried when
I said good-bye to Virginia and her baby Joy. Dancing and raising
energy felt good albeit very poignant and intimate. I think that's
what's been making me cry lately - anything that feels intimate. It's
like anything that touches me in a vulnerable spot just makes me melt.
I cried today in church, too. There was a guest minister and I liked
what he had to say in his homily. He talked about how it's easy to
mis-read the parable of the wheat and the weeds and assume that some
people are wheat and others are weeds. Instead he encouraged us to see
ourselves as made up of both wheat (reflections of the divine) and
weeds (what separates us from the divine), that both are present in all
of us. In the story, the farmer allows the wheat and the weeds to grow
together lest the wheat be uprooted along with the weeds. I think the
Bible passage went on to say that when the day of reckoning comes the
wheat will be separated from the chaff and the weeds both of which will
be burned up. I am thinking that the day of reckoning wouldn't have to
be the literal Judgment Day, it could be any time we are harvesting
what we've sown, anytime we are picking the fruits of our labors and
must discern, what will we keep and what will we let go of? It seems
very connected with the earth-based celebrations of the first harvest
which are soon to be celebrated. (Tears). I feel like I have a lot of
chaff and weeds to burn and that my wheat is having a hard time
growing.
I think I'm ready for bed. | | |
| ChicagoI am heading up to Chicago today for a very quick trip, returning
tomorrow. I'm going to support the fundraiser for Diana's Grove for the
land crisis.
My washing machine isn't working. It stopped mid-cycle, full of water.
So I'm wearing work clothes and no bra. At least I have clean
underwear.
I actually messaged a few people on OkCupid last night and didn't freak out. Maybe something's changing?
I'm going to try to keep the cats inside when I leave the house. Not sure how well that's going to work.
I'm thinking quite a bit about how bad it would be to go off all
bipolar II medication. I quit taking the Lamictal. And, go figure, the
rash stopped itching. I didn't call my doctor to discuss going off the
Lamictal. I figured either he'd agree with me or he wouldn't (more
likely), and either way, my mind was made up. I figure we can talk
about it at my next appointment.
I better get going. | | |
| another bad day on medicationLamictal - I'm still itchy, more itchy actually. The rash has spread. I did more reading about the deadly version of the rash and I'm pretty close to quitting taking it. I'm worried about how we're going to treat the bipolar II but I'm more scared of dying from a rash. What's scary is I'm not being dramatic. Apparently, your skin layers can separate because of Lamictal.
Metformin - Still causing diarrhea even though I'm only taking 1,000 mg per day. Need to talk to doctor about this one.
Byetta - Made me pretty darn nauseous tonight. Granted, I ate McDonald's, but McD's doesn't usually make me sick. I'm still in a wait-and-see mode with this one. Maybe the nausea will settle down.
Abilify - I'm nervous about developing tardive dyskinesia, aka wandering tongue. This also treats the bipolar II, but again, I think the risks outweigh the benefits.
I'm feeling ready to get off medication for the bipolar and see how I do. I can always go back on something if need be. For now, I want to stay on the Wellbutrin for depression.
Medications that aren't bothering me: Cytomel for my low thyroid and birth control pills for my irregular periods and ovarian cysts.
So much for spilling my medicine cabinet all over the floor . . .
In good news, I took another walk with my mom after dinner. Just around the block, but it's a start.
| | |
|
