affable_solace's Xanga

So this is life.

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:29:32 GMT

Times come and go where I stop and wonder if this is the life that I want.

Do I want to study this, or that?
Do I want to work here, or there?
Is this the kind of work I can stand doing, or is it a stepping stone?
Where's God in this picture, how can I include him?
Do I want this relationship?
What about this friendship?
Who do I keep in contact with?

Then there are a different extra set of questions that determine the frequency, intensity and the importance of the previously said questions...

Can I live with my body?
How much time do I have?
Will things get worse, better?
How do I live with my body?
How does my body affect everyone I come in contact with?

To be honest I'm so lost.

sometimes the only place I can call home, is in poetry
sometimes the only place I understand, is in song

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 08:07:49 GMT

There is a difference between 'Peace' used in the context of lack of conflict
and the 'Peace' that means wholeness, or 'Positive Peace'.

You can have 'Peace' and be empty.
God's Peace though, is overwhelmingly filled with wholeness.

Irony can get very philosophical.

Sun, 25 May 2008 09:52:18 GMT

I'm going to write a crazy memoir one day. Hopefully I wont die young, or if I start to die when I'm young, I'll have the strength to write it. I'd blow people away.

In humbler news:

hahahahaha..I love Redwall :)

Someone started playing radiohead where I was working today, and I was like "Hey, is that their 'in rainbows' album?" they replied that it was, and the conversation ended there. I was really disappointed. Every time I meet a radiohead fan I want to talk to them and see what kind of a person they are.

I owe my parents, and possibly some others of you a post explaining why I posted an xkcd comic below.

I love my parents very much. This is because we are on much more of a friend-based relationship now instead of parent-child. They listen to me, and I listen to them. I respect them because they, first, began to respect me. So I was in a bit of a conundrum when they complained about me posting the following comic:

They said it was vulgur, offensive, unnecessary and that I would regret posting it because it might negatively affect my reputation in the distant future. I would like to publicly apologize to them right now, because I agree with them, but I still can't take it down. Originally when we talked about it, my mother asked me to post a post explaining myself, as I had done to them. My father on the other hand grudgingly asked me to post an explanation as wel but he later on asked me again to just remove it. I, wrongly, jockingly asked him how long he was going to keep bothering me about it. See, although there is an original principal behind why I won't take it down...there's also a part of me which instinctually wants to clash with my dad who I'm very much alike (which my mom pointed out to me recently).

1) Having suffered many different episodes of traumatic and difficult health related hurdles I look at the human body in a practical way. A vagina has it's functions and uses just like your big toe and your ear. Granted it's a bit more valuable than either, and granted I don't have one, but I don't find saying either vagina or penis as taboo/wrong. I wouldn't go around saying them any old place because (a) people would get bothered and (b) I would have no reason too say them. But if there's a reason for naming them, I'll name them by their medical name. There's a bajilion different slang names and I think it's preferable and polite to use their medical references. I also think it's childish/naive/exhaustingly meticulous to specifically not to say the name of the body part out of an arbitrary mystical aura that is associated with it, [usually] because of conservative upbringing. But really, it's just a body part. It's not disgusting, and it's not mind blowing interesting. We're just spirits in bodies in the big grand old universe. God is not offended when one uses the word, or mentioning of the body part, if you would like to be convinced of this--there are several Songs of Solomon verses I can cite.

2) There are a lot of slang words that could have been used, but were not. This I think was done on purpose, to draw attention to the point of the comic. The man is wearing what looks like a beret (random) and is hanging from his knees on a tree branch. He addresses the standing man with an almost existentialist question. "You were once shoved headfirst through someone's vagina. Why are you acting so dignified?" One meaning behind this questions is this: Life is obviously not so serious, so don't take it so. There are many ironies packed in this comic. [irony meaning incongruity, an outcome contrary to what was expected, objectively humorously sardonic disposition/quality. Irony is useful because humans recognize/organize their world by what it is/what it is not] It's ironic that human life comes out of such a painful and horrifying act such as giving birth. It's ironic that so much of life revolves around sex--which is fun [yet many would claim is also, ironically very serious. Can fun be serious?] yet humans continue to exist out of the painful/exhausting act of carrying and birthing a child [a result of sex]. Humanity exists because of a series of fun, but serious, painful yet beautiful set of actions. If life is so chock full of contradicting actions, why should we act so dignified as if everything is serious? Shouldn't we act appropriately, and hold life lightly, enjoying it for what it is —not what we mistakenly dress it up to be? It's surely not all seriousness. Life is circular, we were born from the womb and then go on to impregnate a womb. It's not wrong, it's not all serious, it's life, it's a circus [which comes from the greek, meaning "circle, ring"].

I truly do believe this; life is not all serious. I've gone through some pretty horrific stuff and I can tell you that life is hilarious and ironic to the point of cruelty sometimes. I will happily get in trouble for this post, if it should happen to damage me in the future. It would be ironic if I did. It would be ironic if I decided to take people seriously and remove this post right now. You see my quandary... my dilemma. This is why I laugh.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Sat, 24 May 2008 23:11:45 GMT

I'm a home!

You're listening to "Lost" by Pogo

I like writing in the summer.

To fascinate my mind away

Mon, 19 May 2008 09:04:03 GMT

The Following is a Comprehensive List of My Favorite Songs,
organized in different ways and manners:
There are 48 of them, they are not listed just so I could keep count/track
italisized they also make me cry
Because I liked their acoustic guitar accompanied with the flowing words
1) Mother Nature's son by The Beatles
2) Here comes the sun by The Beatles
3) By my side by Ben Harper

Because the energy of the electric guitar accompanied with possibly-dark-or-somberly-realistically-not-so-uplifting lyrics are able to fit me any hour of any day
4) Shadowland by Youth Group
5) Save Me by Unwritten Law
6) Edit the Sad Parts by Modest Mouse
7) While my guitar gently by The Beatles
8) Gimme Shelter by The Rolling Stones

Because it's uplifting and will have the same effect on me every time—that is, sigh inside
9) Gravity Rides everything by Modest Mouse
10) Don't Let it Bring you down by Neil Young
11) Never going back Again by Fleetwood Mac
12) Rocketman by Elton John

Because it's peaceful, and makes me want to sing in whispers
13) The Past and The Pending by The Shins
14) New Slang by The Shins
15) Wish you were here by Pink Floyd
16) Holland by Sufjan Stevens
17) To be Alone with You by Sufjan Stevens
18) Holy, Holy, Holy by Sufjan Stevens
19) Thirteen by Elliott Smith
20) Angeles by Elliott Smith

Because it's Sigur Ros...and I can talk to God easier while listening to music--the most beautiful non-christian praise music ever brought into form
21) Sé Lest by Sigur Ros
22) Hoppipolla by Sigur Ros
23) Staralfur by Sigur Ros
24) Andvari by Sigur Ros
25) Agaetis Byrjun by Sigur Ros
26) Olsen Olsen by Sigur Ros

Because it's love, sung
27) Grow Old with Me by John Lennon
28) Maybe I'm Amazed by Paul Mccartney
29) If I were a Carpenter by Johnny Cash and June Carter
30) Brand New Colony by The Postal Service
31) We looked like Giants by Death Cab for Cutie

Because of who I am
32) I am a Child by Neil Young
33) Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens
34) Vampire Forest Fire by The Arcade Fire
35) An Olive Grove Facing the Sea by Snow Patrol
36) Natural Anthem by The Postal Service
37) Little Church by Donovan
38) Like spinning plates by Radiohead
39) My Body is a Cage by The Arcade Fire
40) She moved through the fair by Van Morrison & The Chieftains
41) Champagne Supernova by Oasis
42) Polyethylene by Radiohead
43) Hey Jude by The Beatles
44) Great Escape by Patrick Watson

Because they demand the listener to jam with
45) Shine on you crazy Diamond by Pink Floyd
46) Tangerine by Led Zeppelin
47) Those who Stayed by Murder by death
48) Panthers by Wilco
49) Starship Trooper by Yes
50) Reckoner by Radiohead

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Sat, 10 May 2008 22:56:14 GMT

Crazy weird look im going for.

'course I might change it, but then again I might not. I don't know right now.

homework!!

lawl

~comic moved up~

My Program for Computer Science

Sat, 10 May 2008 05:43:54 GMT

It's name is Marshal and I wrote it in Python.
Dictionary's definition of Marshal
–noun
1. a military officer of the highest rank, as in the French and some other armies.

–verb (used with object)
9. to arrange in proper order; set out in an orderly manner; arrange clearly: to marshal facts; to marshal one's arguments.

The text reads:

This is my program:

It is a research assistant
note handler
database tracker
list handler

Basically anything you want to write, save and then be able to bring up later--you can do it here.
It allows you to connect things too, and write down the things its associated too--on a separate space and loads it when you load the file.

To explain what this does more fully, on the right hand side you see three entry boxes, you type in there what your main text (and the bottom online texts is like to keep track of online links/bookmarks your using or want to remember)
is 1) about 2) what class/ranking/chapter/subdivision its a part of or IS and then 3) what its connected to or related to. You save it everything by just typing in whatever you want to call it, in the Title box. You load whatever text you have previously saved by typing the name of it in the Title box (also) and just pressing load. Eventually when you have a ton of stuff saved, you'll have things being related to each other--and you can look at what the text is related too, type that into the Title box and then load that related text. So you build it up. This can help with research papers, with note taking, keeping track of recipes/names/addresses/websites/projects ...endless possibilities.

Essentially this would be Marshal 1.0, this first version as I'm for sure going to add more stuff and change different things.

If you want this, just tell me and I can email you the program (its 12 KB) and how to install it and get it to run. Unfortunately I don't know how to get it running on a Windows computer yet, but when I do, that'll be available also! :)

I'm very happy about this. It took me about two weeks of programming a couple hours every day. Probably a good 70 hours or so.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 09:10:25 GMT

I like programming when I know what I'm doing. Unfortunately the stuff is hard to take apart by yourself and without some guidance. Pythons neat.

I gave a speech today.
I kicked butt, and all credit goes to God who gave me the inspiration/knowledge/confidence and ability to talk. It was the best final speech given so far in the class.

Hillary Clinton's going on Bill O'Reilley today(wednesday)

lol

should be interesting.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 02:50:07 GMT

Bazen insanlar, baya aptal olabililer
bazen inanilmazdir sevimli, bazen de
baya garip.

Rab Isa, Allah, seni seviyorum :)

Monday, April 14, 2008

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:48:08 GMT

wooooot

2 midterms today

and i ate a donut...i haven't had donuts in a long time...like...since last night.

I'm going to eat a pickle when I get back,
and drink horchata
and study my vocabulary bank.

Hope i don't die...people please pray! :) (computer science and literature theory)

hugs all around the round table~