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afraidthistime
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Name: Isaac
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Fort Worth
Birthday: 3/6/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Music, cars, fire, guns, knives, playing with guns and knives, and fire, playing bass, chillin with friends, writing poetry, writin music, driving thru turns sideways, and other stuff
Expertise: setting things on fire, and mumbling
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  IDL 187
MSN: super_wired@hotmail.com
ICQ:  3610805
Yahoo:  idl187@sbcglobal.net
Member Since:
8/20/2005
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| Amazing how I knew I was right. Easy for you to lie to my face. At least I know now that you are nothing to me. Every last word a damn lie, every last look an empty stare. I know damn well that now you no longer love me. Nobody can love someone, take a trip to LA, and come back with a new relationship when there was some supposed love involved. You, lie, you,.................fucking hypocrite, it's ok though, because you're not wrong. All I gave for you still wasn't enough, So many questions to yet be answered by you, but even if I get an answer, how do I know it's not some bold faced lie just like everything else you said? Love, heh, you don't even know the real meaning little girl. I'm glad I'm not you, I don't have to live with this inside of me, I don't have to hide the pain, I don't have to lie to myself. I don't have to live with a barren wasteland inside of me, you, you know nothing about what it is to be true to someone. You should've just cheated on me, instead you planned out some meticulous little journey of suffering. You say you wish I wouldn't hate you; you have a lot of nerve to think that I would actually have pity on you and not hate you. This time you have earned my hate, you are dead to me.. | | |
| fuck this, I hurt, deeply inside, i had a whole thing written and up and the worthless computer destroyed my entry. Thank you computer for making the hurt worse. Thank you you know who you are for the other pain. I lvoed you, I wish I could say I don't anymore but i do, a hell of a lot more than I should. If you say you love me, it sure no longer feels like the same kind of love as before, which means I know it can't be. Anyways, now that I've had a sufficiently shitty night I'm going to go to bed and sleep in what little time i have before going to work tomorrow. maybe i can finish the blog tomorrow w/o it getting deleted by xanga, and get the rest of my non-important feelings out as I sit and realize that I dont know how to stop loving you. Please, tell me your secret. | | |
| Times are way stressful right now, today was the first day I got to go and be completely unstressed while firing about 500 rounds at the local shooting range today; I wish there was a way to see how things were going to happen, and so begins another entry from the mind of the sexican. I honestly can't remember all the things that have happened since the end of march. I played my show with LOC on the 7th of April at the Door in old dowtown Fort Worth, and it was a good show. Brittany came to show her support for me so that was really cool. I was in the running to get to be the permanent bassist for LOC but ended up not making it on account of the fact that I'm still in school and they can't have anything to hinder them at all. I wasn't upset that I didn't make it though, it saves me from having to buy a new bass and better amp and speaker cabinets. I am definitely not mad about saving $2000 on a bass and lord only knows how much more on new amps and cabinets. The Door has become an absolute dump, they should be ashamed of having such a run down place.
On another side of things the past couple of weeks have been tough, school, work, life in general and to top it all off my usually cheerful girlfriend just isn't right now. That doesn't make me mad, it just hurts me more knowing that she's hurtin bad because of everything that is going on right now in her life. Anyone who reads this other than her just keep her in your prayers. Her grandmother is in the hospital after having a heart attack and a stroke; she was practically raised by this set of grandparents. My grandparents are all long gone but I can't even begin to imagine the pain she is going through seeing the woman who practically raised her lying there on that hospital bed not knowing which way things are going to turn. I want to take all of her pain away but there is nothing that I can do except be there for her to lean on in times of need. Take that and add on all the school work she has going on, plus being only a few weeks away from graduating, and she's hella stressed and it shows. I hate seeing her this stressed, I can see the hurt in everything she does and yet nothing can be done but support and praying for her until these days are passed by. Thing is I've never felt that way about anyone, most people going through stressful times do nothing but annoy me and even past g/fs I've just left them to deal with their crap on their own; not Brittany, I can't even imagine leaving out to dry in a time like this. It ain't no joke when I say I love her. I can't do anything but be there to help her, and be there for her I shall be until things level out again.
This past friday we went to see Bill Engvall at the Majestic Theater in Dallas; it was freaking awesome. I must have been one of maybe 4 mexicans in the entire place, not a black soul was in there, all white peoples, mainly trailer park lookin people, mullets galore, and just flat out ugly people; it felt kinda weird being the absolute minority in a theater full of people who many of them prolly despise hispanic people. Oh well, it was ablast anyway. This sunday morning Brittany and I went to church at the Bass Performance Hall, it was pretty sweet, I don't have any idea how my church got the hookup to have church there but they did. Well time for my parting message to Brittany.
hey baby, I'm here for you through all of this, rain or shine, morning and night, no matter what I'm here, I love you and I want the best for you, I can't wait to see you on friday, I love YOU!
well time for me to go to work, the last place that I want to be today. Adios. | | |
| This has been a really really busy week; I really don't even have time to be updating this thing but I'm going to anyways. I have assignments due in every class just about every day of the week except for the weekend, and it's not like they're tiny little assignments, it's usually a 5-8 part project which really sucks. something else that also sucks is that I need a new exhaust system for my truck. Back in November I had the intake manifold gasket and valve cover gaskets replaced as well as the starter; well, when my mechanic had it up on the lift replacing the starter he noticed a leak by the catalytic converter. So I went to the muffler shop a couple of days ago to have him look at that leak, well, turns out that was just a bolt that needs to be tightened. What we did find is that my pipes are rusting out and have a few small holes along the seams, and I have two slowly growing holes in the muffler. And my cat rattles, which isn't good. So essentially I need a whole new exhaust system except for headers. I hate having to buy it but I'm stuck with doing this. So I'm gonna go ahead and get dual exhaust with a mirror polished stainless steel cat, and most likely either a polished or satin finish stainless muffler with dual 3"x18" chrome tips. I'm also going to have an exhaust cut-out placed in, that way I can run open pipes if I want to. It has to have the system replaced so I can pass inspection anyways, so my truck will essentially be parked for a month or two which really sucks but nothign I can do about that. I just want this week to be over so that I can see Brittany, which will happen tomorow!
Last friday I took Brittany to Four Day Weekend. For all of you that don't know what Four Day Weekend is, it's Fort Worth's live Improv theater along the lines of something like who's line is it anyways. Check them out at www.fourdayweekend.com We had a great time and as usual they pick members of the audience to be in the skits so they can make fun of them, and as luck would have it they picked me. Man did they do a good job, they had me just right, I couldn't stop laughing. We had gone to Red Hot and Blue for dinner beforehand and our waitress was something else. She just had this long drawn out style of talking, glazed looking eyes, and out of nowhere looked at Brittany and said, hey, your glasses are really cute. Then she came back and took our orders, took about two steps away from the table came back and told us oh my god, this has never happened before, I just forgot what you ordered. We were like great, stoned chick here can't remember our orders, sure hope they come out of the kitchen right. Saturday night I had practice with LOC www.myspace.com/locfortworth check it out, you should come to the show, April 7th at the Door in Fort Worth. It was the first time I had played with that band since I was in it about 4 years ago. Brittany was at her internship so I had all the free time in the world to practice, and when she came home at night I went to see her after practice was over. Her internship sounds fun, unfortunately all the legal and technical terms she flings around confuse me so I'm constantly asking her what things mean. at least she doesn't mind explaining things to me, which is good cuz I'm learning stuff I never knew before. Well I guess I shall go eat breakfast now. Brittany, I love you, but it's your turn to update now, I have, so now you should tomorrow at work. I am gone. | | |
| I hate taking naps they leave me not sleepy kind of like right now. Well, all I have to say is that I'm glad the week is almost over. Tomorrow will be a good day, Brittany is taking me to Love and War in Texas for my birthday since last week were were unable to go anywhere because of the Fossil Ridge percussion concert. this restaurant sounds really good, so I'm pretty excited to go.
Brittany, thanks baby for taking me there later today. I Love you! | | |
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