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Monday, July 07, 2008

cockhead...i love you.

i was just reflecting upon some chinsey items i pocessed as a yungeon.
this titanic shirt that was so faded all you could see was leo groping kate.
and then the amazing asphalt jungle.....HA!
i desided that i'm sending uneducated hillrats there as an experiment on how they'd survive, my hypothesis is they'll dwell in the sewers...gross.
that would be the requiem for a road kill collector.
but enough about that.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

ransom reason
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BAAAHHH im in a traallaaalllaaa sacastic mood!
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Its quite nice...the world is for the most part in its right order. ass kissers be'a kissing it long, hard, and full of saliva. whoo!
My hubba bubba is as tastey as hell...except for the fact that he's at work...boooooo.
Still procrastinating.
My momma be my biggest fan...and she's willing to kick the ass of the goddess of period blood! ha.
I been pissing like a racehorse lately...
i burped sideways in my throat and that hurt like a beyotch.
Hosanna....whatever it means.
Adelaide....love it!

Friday, January 04, 2008

Insomnia is a Welcoming State.

my lack of sleep these last few weeks has begun to take a toll on my ass. lol. literally. there is soo much on my mind. so much i wish that i could tell people. i just don't know who to trust anymore. i wish so badly i could tell them the truth of what's been going on with me. i know they love me but, i'm so affraid of disappointing. i care to much what certain people think. it drives me to the point of crazy. i can't help but feel the need to run to the ends of the earth. i need space, quiet, time, meditation, peace, my mind erased, to be left alone. i can't think anymore. my ability to process is lacking. so much i let eat at me. i want to scream. i'm a faithful occupant of a tainted mind. my view of my world is beginning to shatter. my heart grows colder by the day. resentment fulfills me. i sooo wish i could slap a hoe. indefinites are breaking me apart. and all in all i hold no reigns in my life.
Life's like a Bowl Full of Cherries.

people say fear is the heart of love. but i don't buy it. anything which causes me discomfort or stress...i resent. i resent so much right now. my vulnerability. it all. it's pathetic to think of all the things i opened for people to see. they then decide to betray you. for reasons unknown to myself. the world has a certain view of wanting only what it wants. no concern for how the other person may feel. its cowardly. and most definitly something i don't want to be part of. it's sickening, the minds of some. the nerve is outrageous. i have never at one point in my life felt more agression or regret toward one or more persons. it breaks my heart. but act like a fool and so you will be treated. i have no pitty or forgiveness for those who hurt me. those who take advantage. and as much as i hate them i hate myself as well for openning that portal and giving that invitaion. lack of judgement on my part. i was never good at pretending. i was never good at forgetting. and i most definitly am no good at letting people walk all over me. i'm done. and for those who have done wrong by me. go to hell!

Monday, December 31, 2007

My Year in Review

this year was probably the first important year of my life. this year was the deffinite beginning of the rest of my life. as cliche as that sounds. it's pure truth. as a resolution at the beginning a swore that i would be more honest and tell the truth about how i feel. that resolution has definitly been a major part of the way i have been thinking all year. it has made me a stronger person. i believe that before, i was weak and confused about everything. i had no idea of what i wanted. and even though i still have had no clearing of the murkiness i do believe that i am stronger and will make it. i have been fortunate enough to have meet and open up to some new people. they really made a difference in my life. as small a deed they did. very few people have had the chance to know what i really am like on the inside. i don't believe my family even knows. but that's ok because i love them with all my heart and appreciate all they have done for me. without them i think i would still be the lost, hopeless, decieving, wretch i once was. but we all start somewhere. i'm very naive when it comes to the workings of the world and love. i think a certain way that most people don't. that's ok but, it leaves more space for heartbreak. and as much as i have grown as a person this year; i have also suffered much heartbreak. i have closed the better part of my heart. i will test the water again before i jump in headfirst. this is a principle that i have discovered. most things happen for a reason...but in my case things happen due to my persistant mentality. i myself have always been afraid of love. not just romantics...but in general. i fear abandonment. but this year i overcame my boundry and as much as it unnerved me. i broke free of my shell. i rather enjoyed the expirience. lol! i also found something that i'm passionate about. being my job at the theatre, my music, my friends, my family. not necesarily in that order. but it's good to feel like something is right. oh and i developed my good sense of nocturnalism. also i went to my first show. it was awesome. i wish i could go to one every weekend. someday. i love it!!!!! i care that Bhutto was assassinated. i bet she would have made an awesome prez. but may she rest in peace. but basicly im gona enter this new year with an open mind, faith, liberal thinking, honesty, openness, and a little magic may happen! whoo 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!