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| ../as you spoke, sitting there next to me, a sudden brightness occurred. how could it be that i hadn't noticed your joyous elocution, your easy charm? the things you said began to fade as my blindness lifted, and it was then i knew i loved you. it was then that i knew i had always loved you, that you were the one i had been waiting for. and then you began to slow. next, a pause. had you noticed the inward sign? no, perhaps there was something in my eye, and it was pity that you stole. because your flesh had long since began to die, your face was grey and waxen with decay, pitted in rot and sorrow. how could a thing like you deserve love, you wondered. but in that instant i had already come to my life's resolve: that i would love you despite yourself, and them, and in that, finally, me./.
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| you guys are dorks.
heh, but seriously - thanks for the comments. i'll probably take a new picture and see how it goes from there.
but i can't take one right now. because i've been crying. not because of you guys (well, illogic makes me cry sometimes, late at night..). but because i just finished reading a story. silly, fun, melodramatic and heartwarming.. it made me want to laugh and cry and cheer all at the same time. and by the end, the tears came as fast and as true as they've ever come. because maybe, somewhere deep inside, like the Shot From Behind guys and all the other geeks and losers of the world, i wished that i was him, that i could experience something so wonderous, and magical.
but in truth, they were tears of joy. because it's not often that fairy tales happen anymore.
this is the story of Densha Otoko, the Train Man.
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| okay. so i don't really look like a doorway with stuff in it.
or do i?
for a long time, i've wanted to remain anonymous on xanga. i've consciously avoided details about myself that would allow people to recognize me outside the electronic playground. i thought that if i was recognizable, i'd be less inclined to post honestly. i also wanted you to come to know and like me for my personality, without being influenced by what i looked like, for instance. for that latter reason, it's been a long exercise in attention-whoring. and i've decided that it's silly. still, i suppose today's post is just another kick at that can..
but i've got a selfish reason. i'd like your help.
see, that thing with the personality detachment(?) is something i seem to do with girls, too. which is yet another reason why i've never had a girlfriend. so, a few weeks ago, i decided i'd sign up for lavalife, an online personals site. you know, those things where people browse through pictures of people to try and find a date. because it's basically the complete antithesis of that neurosis i have. that, and i've never had a girlfriend. and i'm 27. no, that's not a typo. so, i think it's high time i start trying a little harder.
anyway, i've gotten a couple of 'smiles', but from girls that don't have pictures. why anyone would make a profile on a site like that without a picture is beyond me. but anyhow, that's all i've gotten so far. i'm sure part of the reason is that there are thousands of guys on the site. but i think another part is my profile picture. it's almost a full body shot so when it shows up as a thumbnail in the search screen you can't really see my face. plus, i look dorky and/or drunk. hey, it was the best picture i had at the time.
so here's where you come in. help me choose a picture.
my current picture:
this is one that i took a little while ago, when my hair was still long:
and this is what i look like At This Very Moment (okay, two minutes ago):
incidentally, i also happen to look like that when you tell me trix are for kids.
so what do you think? stick with the old one? long hair? short hair (i'll take a picture where i haven't just woken up, heh)? get out of the freaking bathroom? ditch this online crap altogether?
help your friendly neighbourhood atf out!
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