Ok

Kittens!

Kitten update! Still going strong!

So yesterday I woke up, went outside to do laundry...There was a strange smell and I couldnt figure out where it was coming from..Luckily enough I dropped an item of clothing on the side of the washer, and looked down to be surprised to see one of the strays I feed with 5 kittens!!! Somehow managed to crawl up on my balcony into my laundry closet and give birth!!!

We took them to the humane society only to find out theyd euthenize them all, since we didnt bring the mother..Needless to say we took them home and ut them back on the balcony, only this time made them a lil box with blankies and such for them and mom..Mom is too wild to hav einsde, which we found out after she attacked us both when we brought her in..SHe is a sweet cat, just being Mommy...Anyhoo, anyone in the Phoenix area want a kitten?:)

I worry...

I worry sometimes who may read this, and who may really relate to my feelings..As I read back my words, page after page, I feel the hate and disgust trickle out from inside of me...And I honestly do wish that nobody else felt this way..I suppose thats why I hate this term "emo" which has suddenly made a comeback after what I had thought died ages ago..Its really not something to strive for, or be proud of..Nor is any one category those tend to gravitate too..

There is no one great answer, if only life was as easy as a choose your own adventure book..I could take a peak towards the end of each story and decide which path I really want to take.. It will never work that way, no matter how much I will it so, no matter how far I try to see , I will always come up empty.. So many times I have tried to explain the emptiness, the nothing..but it never will truly be comprehended by anyone, at least not in the terms I see it. To say you understand, will never be a true statement when it comes to someones feelings..Understanding is only taking your own experiences and conforming them to fit other peoples needs..This is just a fact of life though , is it not? I guess the point is, nobody will ever know, and I don't expect that, ever, from anyone..Nor do I hope it.

Another window

And haven't we all said it before; "outside looking in..."...

If I could for just one moment feel that contentment, that complete loss of thought and knowing, and only doing..I watch them go by, at work, on the streets, in bars drinking merrily. I wonder if they ever do ponder it all.. Do they see themselves the way I do? Perfectly happy in their little world, happy with their mindless, drone like existence..Working is a+ and that proud feeling of being the best at something that really means jackshit. What is that drive? What is that feeling to barely live, yet have no knowing of it? How to breathe in this corporate go get em atmosphere without completely cracking into a thousand pieces--...do I even want to know?