It's so much easier to be a cat than be a human.  Mom put us in the little boxes and drove us for HOURS and then did it again a couple months later.  We went to a different home where there was no cat condo.  Mom bought one but it wasn't MY condo. 

 Then she drove us back to the place where MY condo is, and the Man who gives us real turkey  and liverwurst.  I was real glad to see him.  The funny-looking cat likes the liverwurst but I don't. 

The old cat likes the turkey and is  getting baby food now because she's too tired to get off the bed half the time. 

Anyway, humans seem to think they need all kinds of boxes of things.  It was fun playing in the paper while Mom was taking the stuff out of the boxes.  All I need is my condo, my boogie mat,  my bag of catnip, and my food dishes.  Oh and my food, canned and dry.  And my strings and aluminum foil balls.  And that round fuzzy thing with feathers.  I think I need a box. 

Mom says I am too fat to clean my own ass and I can't have any more treats. 

She says it's too much trouble

to use baby wipes on a cat.

She's mean

 Mommy is letting me and the Old Cat go to the big room with no ceiling every day that it doesn't rain.

There are the most exciting things there.  Today a white buggie that looked like a piece of paper was flying all around and I CAUGHT IT!!!!

I forgot and let it go, though.  I waited in the bush with the prickers and flowers for more but none came close enough.  They go fast.

I ate some grass.  Mommy brushes us.  The Old Cat gets the soft side of the brush but I like the hard bristly side pulling out all the extra fur.  When I got too close to the place where the great big things move mommy chased me with a branch from a tree that still had leaves on it.  So I ran back to my pricker-bush near the birdfeeder.

The old cat doesn't do much, she goes into the sun, then into the shade, drinks some water but she's walking funny.  Mommy is making a big fuss over her.  At least she's not upchucking every other day now. 

I can't wait until we go back tomorrow.  I'm gonna catch me a buggie and keep it.  Maybe eat it.

History of Earth

Most people don't know all the details, but I'll fill you in.

As some have postulated, this planet was initially colonized by aliens who were far superior in intelligence and technology.  This happens to be correct.

Earth was colonized by Cats.  Yes, it's true.

I want to make one thing abundantly clear.  The cockroaches were ALREADY HERE. 

We brought some prototypical humans. 

These crude beings, while nasty, brutish and short, were quite trainable.  The first thing we did was cause them to evolve sufficiently to appreciate our beauty and to have a soft heart for a tiny kitten.  Protection of kittens was of course paramount.

Genetic engineering is something we do well, as you can tell by the exceptional beauty of your average cat.

We ran into some programming problems with human dna, however, and resolved it by allowing these beings to believe they were in control and we were somehow not entitled to anything.  A subroutine was written and successfully encoded whereby this belief was overridden by a not unreasonable attraction to and appreciation for our catness.

We settled first in the place you call Egypt today, where initially we were worshipped as Gods.  When the humans in that area started thinking that the Cat God wanted cat sacrifices, we left with the Jews. 

 A humbler existence, no doubt, but much safer.  And in the desert there were not only rodents but very interesting buggies to chase and eat, small lizards, and plenty of nice hot sun. 

Cats are originally a desert animal, and our home planet was mostly sand.  Can you imagine a whole WORLD as a sandbox?  We have always been adept at living in harsh dry conditions. Probably due to our desert origins, we generally don’t drink an awful lot and if fed wet food we can get all the moisture we need that way.  I can't stress enough that we don’t always like tap water, in which case you should consider collecting some rainwater in a clean container or offer bottled water or at least tap water that has been left out to 'stale'.

an Egyptian sand cat - it is very rare to sight one these days

Our M.O. after our Egyptian Experience (aka, "EE", usually spoken of in hushed whispers) became one of keeping a low profile, much like your human secret intelligence operatives do. 

secret agent cat

We didn't want the worship thing to start up again with its inevitably tragic consequences.  Anyway kittens, this has been your history lesson for the day.  BBL!

TAINTED PET FOOD STILL ON SHELVES

dry food by science diet included (m/d)!!!!

The Hill’s cat food now being recalled is labeled Prescription Diet m/d Feline dry food. The products are:

• 4 lb. bag, U.S. & Canada UPC code 52742 42770
• 10 lb. bag, U.S. & Canada UPC code 52742 42790

The agency is continuing to work with Menu Foods, Inc., and Hill's Pet Nutrition, Inc., to ensure the effectiveness of their recalls.

For more information, consumers may contact Hills Pet Nutrition at 1-800-445-5777 or visit www.HillsPet.com.

CLICK ON THE ABOVE

and

Menu Foods CFO sold shares weeks before pet food recall

for multiple aspects of story go to http://www.fda.gov/