- i was on ESPN in july playing team USA - did anyone see me?
- won silver at the pan-am games in brazil

those are my 2 highlights.

i leave for NYC aug 13 for 10 days, then to toronto for 4.

i hate this feeling of uncertainty that i have. it's eating away at me.

i don't know what the future holds for me. i have no idea what i want to do with my life. i want to escape but i can't afford it. i don't want to work some useless job to make money to leave because i don't want some stupid job.

please donate to my travel fund?

convocation

i graduated last week. yay me.

i was at school getting all set up for convocation, getting into looooong lines for the procession, and i was surrounded by a bunch of people i didn't know. the guy behind me strikes up a conversation...

Random Guy:so what did you major in?
Me: criminology. you?
RG: bio-psychology
Me: oh that's cool. what are you going to do now?
RG: look for a job and start working i guess. maybe go back to school. what about you?
Me: i'm going to play softball
RG: ?? like...as your job?
Me: yep!
RG: like....earn a living???
Me: yeah...kinda
RG: oh....uh...yeah. cool....i guess.

best conversation ever.

absence makes the heart grow fonder. or does it?

it has been nearly 4 months since my last posting. why the hiatus? several reasons:

1. life happened and i was too busy to spend time thinking of creating things to write about
2. i had writers' block
3. mostly related to having writers' block, but i wasn't happy with the things i was writing. i felt like i was almost being too emo. although the alternative to that was to be witty and charming - which requires a lot of work and creativity. my posts became emo-ish becuase i was trying to be overly cryptic about what i was referring to.
4. i felt obligated to post, which didn't help the writers' block

i've realized that i write for my own benefit. to put things (any maybe myself) out there and possibly gain some feedback in return. i use it as a way to gather and order my thoughts, to make sense of the things happening in my life. i tried too hard before to please my readers, when i should really be trying to please myself. so sorry readers, i write what i want and i appreciate input. i've decided to be more candid because it doesn't matter - you most likely don't actually know me, so why should it matter if you judge me?

that being said. what's gone on in my life the past 4 months?

i finished school. i graduate on THURSDAY (!) with my BA in Criminology. what a weird feeling. i have no plans to get a job yet. no, not because i'm lazy, but because it all depends on what happens with Team Canada. softball and work don't mix too well. besides, i'm in no hurry to grow up and become "an adult". i'm going to miss the university lifestyle - hanging out, having minor responsibility, partying, basically anything that involves not being an adult. really, other than graduating, my life hasn't been overly exciting. i went to seattle with some friends to watch the yankees/mariners games, went to whistler for a friend's birthday, and really, those are the main highlights.

exciting, i know. try living it.

i leave on june 17 to start training with Team Canada. we have Canada Cup at the beginning of July, followed by the US Cup in Okla. (some games may be on ESPN so keep your eyes open!), and then Brazil for the Pan-Am Games.

i'm actually really excited for summer. it's been chill so far, but i've had a couple great weekends with my friends, and once softball starts, it's going to be a lot of work, but so worth it. once i get home at the end of july, i'm home for a couple weeks and then i'm heading to NYC to visit some friends! i'm so, so, soooo excited to go. i've never been before, and i can't wait to see my friends. i haven't seen them for a year - since summer school in hawai'i! i miss my 'ohana. that trip ends with a weekend spent with my bestie in toronto. only to come home and spend time with another good friend who will be visiting seattle (but making a trip to see me); a girl i haven't seen in 2 years! all topped off the with JT concert sept 5!

hope all is well with everyone. what have ya'll been up to the last 4 months?

a new year. a new outlook.

first things first.

i made the team! i'm going to the 2007 pan-am games in brazil! woot~!

anyway.

i was reading over some stuff i had written over the last year. i found one thing that intrigued me and inspired this post. recently, i turned 23. i was in serious denial about it. but i realized that birthday's should be about personal reflection.

what happened to me in my 22nd year that i can learn from in my 23rd?

the most important thing that i learned was independence. i had become so co-dependent and uncomfortable with being alone that i couldn't handle it when it came down to the line. i literally had to rebuild myself and i'm pleased with the results. i have learned a lot in the past year, most importantly about myself.

i hope that i'll be able to take my independence into any new relationship i encounter. the tricky part is finding the balance between independence and co-dependence, something i definitely need to work on.

bonne fete a moi

twenty-three.

ew.