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| I still think of her. sometimes, I get flashes of how it was back then...taking care of her. I get flashbacks of her swollen paw due to being on drips too long, her face looking up to me in pain, her body just lying there weak.
every night I go to bed wanting to dream of being with her again, cuz I know i cant bring her back. I miss her terribly. there are times i just dont want to do anything but just think of her and cry.
ive been so depressed since she's gone.
i feel that i cant express this to anyone cuz they must be thinking that im crazy for still not getting over it. but i know if she was still around, she'd understand my pain.
cant wait to go to Heaven to see her again.
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| she's gone.
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| can't bring myself to do it. | | |
| my birthday was yesterday but i didnt feel like celebrating.
it was a very sombre birthday as tiggy is sick. i never felt complete. 1st half of the day i stayed home to nurse her. she just wouldnt eat. i was about to leave home as Fird was gonna take me out..but before I leave I had to feed her and meds. that didnt work out, she kept on vomiting everything out. I was so frustrated but I managed to feed her a very tiny bit. So I went out. But how could I possibly enjoy myself when my cat is at home not eating and feeling sick? Came back at night, tried to feed her again. Vomit again. Something must've gone really terribly wrong in there. it frustrates me as it's too late there's no vet that's open after hours, and yet she still couldnt get any food in, but i know she's damn hungry and thristy, because everytime she goes to drink, she'd puke right away. that had to continue on the whole night until morning-no food. i know she's so sick and tired of puking. it's frustrating, it's tiring and it's painful. i know she's hungry. I know she wants to eat.
my friends came over to spend the night. it was just 3 of us, having girl talks and gossipping. I was so glad they're there.. else if i was alone i'd spend the whole night crying as Tiggy just couldnt eat. so today in the afternoon, as soon as they left, i brought tiggy to the vet. did xray on her again and discovered that she has heart disease. so now she has to be hospitalized and to be treated with antibiotics and everything.
the reason why im writing this is to overcome how much Im missing her at home. Im very depressed and worried whenever i think of her. I dont feel the same way anymore. I hate everything i do now cuz it affects my time with her like my work, Im dreading to go to work tomorrow because i know I would have to stay late and therefore i cant see her.
its really not a good birthday after all. happiness is only temporary.
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| darker days.tiggy
as youcan see, im dead worried. this is very much a suffering to me. i cant bear to see you helpless like that. and it frustrates me that i cant do much to help. and it frustrates me even more that i'm not so good at handling you. somehow i feel inadequate. i just wanna say im very sorry. and i love you very, very much. i cant believe this is happening.
my days are dark since u fell sick.
i couldnt stand it when u were away at the vet. u must be yearning to run free. u must be missing the homey environment. all that made u stressed. so i brought u home. but i couldnt stand it too...who's going to take care of u at home? i cant concentrate at my work, i keep calling the doctor, i keep calling the house....
i feel terribly alone.as if no one is here to help.
ive been forced to digest the possibility that you might go, soon. it's
heartbreaking. i went in&out of the vet like nobody's business,
hoping blindly.
but till today, i dont know what's exactly wrong with you. ur health is deteriorating by the day, and i feel helpless.
i just cant afford it.
no one understands me.no one understands how important it is to save u. sure ure old...but what abt the rest of ur days? i cant just let u suffer till ur last days...
maybe its just me who's selfsh and blind. but i love you too much. i cant bear losing you. as it is, im a wreck.
i just want u to know that i love you.
i just want u to know that im so very sorry for ever mistreating you, not coming back early for you, not opening the door for you, not feeding u, not stroking you.
i just want you to know that you will be okay in kitty Heaven.
i just want you to know that you've filled my life with so much joy and happiness.
i just want u to know that u're my best friend.
I know that there is no other cat that loves me as much as you do.
I know that no one else understands me but you.
I know that you've been there for me every morning, every night, in my sad days and in my moody days.
I will miss you.
I will miss your urut. I will miss you hiding in my arms. I will miss your purr.
but i will never forget you.
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