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aka_kris_04
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Name: Kristen
Country: United States
State: Texas
Metro: Austin
Birthday: 12/8/1986
Gender: Female
Interests: My interests lie in all sorts of different places. I'm terribly interested in photography and constantly working on improving my skills. I like to work out, hang out with my friends, and talk on AIM! Also, I think superman is the coolest!!!
Expertise: Although I'm sure this will never be asked of me, if you ever want to know anything about figure skating, I'm your girl!
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
AIM:  aka kris 04
Member Since:
8/14/2004
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| So I haven't posted on this in a while. I was going to start posting again, because people kept pestering me about it, but then I got busy and stopped. But lately I've had a lot on my mind and I need a place where I can write my thoughts down and maybe even get some feedback. First of all, I'm struggling with a lot of regret right now. But to me regret has to do with mistakes that I've made, but these regrets are about mistakes that other people have made that have affected my life in so many ways. I remember when I was younger and I was so excited about the concept of going to college. I envisioned myself hanging out with friends all days, hanging out in other peoples' dorm rooms, being involved in anything and everything that i could be, and just having fun. I could have had that at howard payne had I not screwed things up for myself...but that was my own fault and i accept responsibility for that. Then I came to Concordia, and it was really hard at first, but I eventually made some friends, but staying in the dorms wasn't an option for more than a semester, because of money and family dynamics. And so here I am, almost a senior in college, and I can't help but be jealous of all the people who have had a normal college experience. Most of college was a blur of pain and weariness and hopelessness and now that I'm mostly past that, I wonder if I'll even be able to get a taste of that. I was talking to my mom about this a couple of days ago and she suggested that I move into the dorms again next semester. I'm not sure what I think about that. On the one hand, it gives me a ray of hope that I'll be able to have a fun senior year and make more friends, but on the other hand, I don't want to count on things being really great if they're not going to be. I really want whatever God wants. I just wish I knew what that was. Should I give up? Should I go for it? Another thing that has been going through my head is if I'll ever love again. Or, better yet, if anyone will ever love me again. I just...feel so unlovable. Even if I met a guy that I actually liked, would he like me back? I dunno, I just ... things aren't how I expected them to be. So anyways, those are the thoughts running through my head. If anyone has any comments to make, I'd love to hear them. My mind is a little bit more at rest now that I've written things out. Thanks for listening. | | |
| "The Clause" by C.K. Williams from The Singing. © Farrar, Straus and Giroux. Reprinted with permission. (buy now)
The Clause
This entity I call my mind, this hive of restlessness,
this wedge of want my mind calls self,
this self which doubts so much and which keeps reaching,
keeps referring, keeps aspiring, longing, towards some state
from which ambiguity would be banished, uncertainty expunged;
this implement my mind and self imagine they might make together,
which would have everything accessible to it,
all our doings and undoings all at once before it,
so it would have at last the right to bless, or blame,
for without everything before you, all at once, how bless, how blame?
this capacity imagination, self and mind conceive might be the "soul,"
which would be able to regard such matters as creation and
destruction,
origin and extinction, of species, peoples, even families, even mine,
of equal consequence, and might finally solve the quandary
of this thing of being, and this other thing of not;
these layers, these divisions, these meanings or the lack thereof,
these fissures and abysses beside which I stumble, over which I reel:
is the place, the space, they constitute,
which I never satisfactorily experience but from which the fear
I might be torn away appalls me, me, or what might most be me?
Even mine, I say, as if I might ever believe such a thing;
bless and blame, I say, as though I could ever not.
This ramshackle, this unwieldy, this jerry-built assemblage,
this unfelt always felt disarray: is this the sum of me,
is this where I'm meant to end, exactly where I started out?
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| earlier today i was watching tv and i saw a commercial for a new soft drink or something and in it there was a lady walking down a busy street and all of normal sounds that one would hear came across as music. so all you heard was a great jazz song and the different sounds that would normally be obnoxious were translated into different parts of a jazz band. for example, a jack hammer was drums, and an old lady yelling at someone was scatting and an obnoxious construction worker was scatting. all i could think during this commercial was how cool it would be to see things like that. from this lady's perspective, everything worked together to create a beautiful tapestry of sound, and in reality, isn't that how things really are? everything works together for a greater purpose, which will ultimately be for good, and wouldn't life be so much more marvelous if we took all of these things in stride and enjoyed the fact that good will be accomplished in them? i'm as guilty as anyone at not doing this, but i just thought that this commercial was a good representation of what life could be like if we took it in from the right perspective. | | |
| in order to honor tizzle's request to join the revolution, i am posting. so what's been going on this summer? i've definitely had a dull summer. my wrist has been acting up and hurting a lot this summer so my initial plan of working my butt off fell apart. i've still been working, but not a lot, and not enough to put lots of money aside. oh well. i've mostly been reading and watching tv and sleeping and doing normal boring summer stuff. but i am well ready for school to start again and to be going crazy with busyness. i'm super excited about this semester and i really hope that God has some awesome things in store for it. i suppose that is my prayer for this semester - that it would be a time of renewal and restoration and that i could have a normal, happy, and functional life for once. i want to embrace every moment but still keep my sights on the future and on God.
i've been studying genesis this summer and let me tell you, God has been showing me some awesome things. i've only gotten through the first three chapters, but i have learned so much and i'm so excited about learning more. oh! i know something else i've been doing this summer - crossword puzzles!!!!! i've always liked doing them, but i've been doing them a lot and i can't say that i'm good at them, but i'm definitely getting better. wow...does that make me old? i did a whole lot of crocheting at the beginning of the summer...that can't be a good omen. oh well, when school starts there won't be time for any of that anymore.
well, i need to head off to bed, so this post must end. have a good week! | | |
| Now introducing....
Ruby!
the newest edition to our family
My mom's got it right - every home should have more computers and animals than people  | | |
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