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| There is a place in life, or maybe its a fantasy, or a dream. Its a
place that just makes you feel good. Like everything in the world is
exactly as good as you could have ever envsioned it to be. The sun is
shining, the air smells sweet, you have love in your life, you're young
and in good health, and everything you ever needed has been fufilled.
Its that faraway place that were always striving to get to, that place
that we spend our lives dreaming about becoming. Close your eyes and
you know it. Think ahead ten years and it hangs in front of you. Hear a
song and you feel it, calling to you, your soul longs for it and
painfully feels its absence. Almost every minute were striving for it,
for some other life, for some other fantasy to become our reality. To
be alive in it, to feel it, to come to that point and BE SATISFIED WITH
THE PRESENT. I live for that time. I have lived for that time. That
faraway hope.
But i have found, that the surprsing truth after all this time,
is that when I am close to God, I am in that time, that time is now
because He is near me.
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| i went for a jog this morning, it was beautiful. I wonder why i havent been doing this all the years that ive been here. boo.
after that i fell into a stupor. I kinda just zoned out for the whole day, which is unsusual for me since i only do this about 5 min at a time. but today i went for a couple hours, until sabaa pulled me outta my bed, and then our whole apt had a shouting match about who made who watch lame mtv. ahh. what a bonding moment.
frustrating thought of the day: why am i still living on campus? i cant afford it, its putting me in debt. theres gotta be something good about doing this right?? please remind me jesus.
someone kick my but in gear please.thanks. | | |
| midnight man. it creeps up fast on you. lots of things creep up really fast on you in life. deadlines, the morning sun, depression, laziness, lack of trust in God. I dont know if i like that about life. In fact i dont, i really really dont.
anywho, the day is beautiful. I got up at 6:30am and went surfing (or tried to) with allesandra and dan. Went all the way out to manresa, and just wimped out. I was really bummed. sat. i went to rio del mar and got wiped out by a huge set of over 5 ft. closed out waves, my board hit my lip and i had a fatty for a day. Better than michaels concussion i guess. anyway, i panicked and oxygen just burns up when you panic. thus i thought i was going to die, luckily i didnt. I dont think id like to die drowning.
anywho. im going to retire to bed now.
my heart is confused. boo.
night. | | |
| i love when i hear really good music. LIke a line in a song that just makes things feel so right, like makes you feel really peacful and like youre in a euphoric moment. i love that, especially when music gives you goosbumps.
ok, i think im just procrastinating from facing up to the reality of life. That being making decisions about life, doing hw, praying, excercising. I hate when i get like this.
i woke up this morning feeling really funny, like not ha ha funny. but like really weird, not myself. Like you know when you feel like your still in a dream or something weird like a haze of some sort descends on you?
i need clarity, i need discipline, i need light.
itll come. im glad for that. just not for the effort i have to put into getting it. but i guess ya gotta work for things that are good right?
right!
k.
im gonna go to safeway now.
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| should i stay or should i go, should i stay or should i gooo now, if i stay there will be trouble, if i go it will be double, so come on and let me knoooooooooooooooooooooooooooow! should i stay or should i go?
freak, if i stay in college for another year i get to be around friends that i love. faye, ryan, megs, and other folk that im forgetting right now. But i guess i could do that if i live here anywyas. but things arent the same. dammit. I NEED TO MAKE UP MY MIND!!
ok, i gg.
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