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Friday, June 06, 2008

What's Going On (in a diminished seventh)
 
 
 
There is an excision at the corners of the frame,
always present in the minds of those fond of
the camera lens

Just like any other art,
you tell a lot more
by what you don't say

It's why people can't understand
Russian novels
not really
and why men cannot understand women
most of the time

Eventually you are left with tired photographs
kept fresh and clean by the cogs incessantly turning
'til you stop remembering how you felt in the picture
and start wondering whose hand is spun around a beer bottle
or why the hell girls from the past ever bothered learning your name

But it isn't supernatural,
you were just the best thing around for a little while
just as she was.
and just a moment ago she stood
the air behind her carved in white
her hand seeming to tap an invisible cigarette
the background bleeding over her chin like smoke

I can't recall anything we might have said to each other,
time's ravage starting immediately upon death of any sort
(dreaming like something out of Conrad)
the reflection in her sunglasses of a sidewalk
that slashes through her eyes

And my little brother considers becoming a white pawn on King's row
to go where the Shah demands,
three square meals a day.
and one day dropping roses on a coffin I will see his face
smiling up from a perfectly arranged shot
an old photo put into a new frame.


Friday, April 18, 2008

there are questions that you ask yourself
am I a mess?
why is my toe broken?
why are my pants slashed?

because none of the answers will be sufficient
we ignore the questions instead
and ask new ones

why is vodka bliss?
is bliss even something we should want?
can I go back to sleep?
why do I owe the State fourteen hundred dollars?

do they think I'll ever be able to pay?

questions become less important
and really, I'm not sure
if I even want to go back to sleep
or if unbroken toes are indicative of a Good Life
so instead
I'll drink the bottle dry
(smash it apart and lick the sides
until the silence
envelopes my eyes)
and I always hate life when it rhymes
I'd do anything to make a different time
where my teeth didn't singe
with memories of
what I was going to be
when I grew up
I wonder if there's vodka left
and I wonder how I let the simplest drug beat me


Thursday, March 27, 2008

run away, she says
oh, she's gone again.
so run up the stairs
wait for the thousandth drink
super-wasted on life
what the hell kind of flowers are those
anyway

it is easy to hide
behind religion
or intelligence
or malevolence

less easy, to drink bad beer
and wonder at how bad the world could be
"it's always preferable to hang out with coke-heads,
their only theory is 'what if we had more coke?' "

what about, "what if there was peace?"
or "what if there was no more poverty?"
thanks, I'd rather work myself off.
at least I've got practice
the world would probably screw up somewhere in there
and cause something to explode

something that
humble as I am
I have managed to avoid
like tackling big issues on a
light-beer
heavy-grass
night


Wednesday, March 26, 2008

running out of lazy cigarettes
trailing out the thoughts of eighteen year old gear-heads
that seemed nice for five minutes
so I think again about having a drink
and shake my head no

she had this painting on the wall
abstract I suppose
it looked like the whole movie of Pan's Labyrinth
we listened to Chopin in the morning
took turns quoting the Doc in Tombstone
and then it came

to a gear-head cocaine comes in two strengths
hard and soft
any other word you'll never hear
a guy comes to her door and she goes with him to her room
comes back to talk to me about childhood prodigies
she was supposed to be an artist she said
and burns up another rock
and jesus I felt like crying
when she said she believed that God would save her

from what? from abominable choice
getting rocks from men who did not care for her
in exchange for their's
no one is cheated
but no one gets anything, either

it's a morality tale
but I wish there were a better way to tell it
wished in those moments that I could
shower her with kisses that missed her mouth
give her five thousand dollars to destroy herself,
kissing her hands all the way
saying "my dear friend, my dear friend,
how sorely life has treated you."

but instead I tell her that I'd rather not do mouth-mouth shotguns with her
and feel the smallest bit of my tiny soul splitting off to join her
feel the insanity building: that when I am successful
I will rescue her from that life
but it's a lie
no salvation for any of us
not in that gearbox
so I wait till I leave the door and say goodbye
and light another cigarette, this one manic and furious
and quickly light another to hold in the other hand
and the next guy to knock in the hall I stare at, hard

and he leaves the door
she wouldn't be thankful, I don't think
but I've got sixteen more cigarettes
and I'm damned already
but I'm working on it


I sent a girl a vile message the other day. To the best of my knowledge, she's not read either part of Notes, and so she'll misunderstand my intent. But, I could be mistaken. (cue in High Fidelity quote, "you can be, and are, wrong")

a poem I wrote the other day
was about the plight of man
or something stupid like I love you
and not only the Sinatra song

some people have hearts like bars of soap
and some have hearts that warm frigid steel
"get a real job" Jenny tells me
"keep the sun on your shoulders"

I had a tan once and girls liked me
then I lost it and they still liked me
I was nice and got their kisses,
cruel and kept their love;
and Lord knows I loved them all
as well as
I could

it's foolish to think that the devil isn't an optimist
girls flawless in stockings and no make-up and
searching vainly on the floor for a pebble that will
crucify them
some stories have happy endings



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