okay so i promised the updates....if i even have anyone left to care to hear them. well currently i am sitting in paul's bathrobe, mine is in the wash, because i actually do laundry....finn is asleep, paul is in mount laurel attending "our" business meeting, and i am here trying to type away.

today was my studio crit, i had to wrap up the junior year with it, even though i am a first semester senior. my college career is kind of out of whack, but actually after today i think things are re-aligning. i feel good about the place i am in artistically, or rather, about the place i am headed. i am actually really excited  about doing my senior thesisin the fall. i hope to keep it burning amongst all other things.

my new goal is to get me back to me. in other words, i want to start picking up the things that made me me before i even knew that they made me me. sound confusing? don't worry i am. that's why it took me so long to rediscover or perhaps discover for the first time, if i want to be honest here, that there are things that i like to do, for no one else's pleasure but my own. the sad thing is i always felt a need to disguise those things as something i was doing for someone else. it has been a long time since i haven't felt guilty about taking time out to myself. even if i did, i always dreaded it afterwards and felt a need to make excuses for it. 

even further, i want to make sure the "me" things i am doing lead to productivity, and this time not for other's sake, well it could encompass that, but all i am really concerned with what works to fullfill an empty part i feel haunting my insides. to delve so far into my own independent wants and desires that i am left to truly fill others. i have to start from the inside out. i am curious .to see where this leads....i shall let you know in this very personal open journal.