oooooooooooooooooooooooook seriously long in-depth thinky post

rockin game of circle of death last night, so much fun had by all

I AM THE THUMBMASTER!!!!!!!!!

Lesson Learned Last Night/This Morning #1:  killer boots are really rockin, but when they're a size or two too small, you should take them off whenever you arrive, or else you'll have a heel-wide blister the next morning

yeah ouch

some genius decided that water heaters weren't vital to my life this morning when i took a shower..........i tend to disagree

"it's a city of strangers"

OK so i had a weird/cool/kinda sad revelation last night (which is connected to the aforementioned quote):

sparked by the sondheim lyrics and a lyric in linda eder's why do people fall in love? which mentioned something about this world filled with strangers, i started to think about that.  According to the International Programs Center, U.S. Bureau of the Census, the total population of the World, projected to 1/16/05 at 4:13:40 PM EST is roughly 6,412,957,360.  That's SIX AND A HALF BILLION people.  Take a second and try to calculate how many people you know.  Friends, family, coworkers, people from past.....etc etc i've estimated that i know somewhere between1-2 thousand people.  If you do the math, that's 0.000000156 to 0.000000312%.  The world is FILLED with billions of people you don't know.  If that doesn't make you feel miniscule, nothing much would.  I've had the pleasure and misfortune of moving around a lot growing up, and have found that everywhere I go, I find an amazing group of people.  Partly, this is so cool because I know that there are soooo many people that I have yet to become amazing friends with.  At the same time, it's kind of shitty cause that makes it seem so unimportant and not at all special.  All your friends are dispensable cause there are SO many more out there.  And that branches into the ideas of soulmates etc.  If you believe that everyone has only one love and soulmate, how can you ever expect to find that person?? There's no possible way to meet everyone in the world.  A lot of people find love in that 2 ten-millionths of a percent.  Imagine how many true loves are out there for you.  Studies show that love can be explained by a certain chemical reaction that happens to most people about 4 times in their entire life.  oooooook more math......let's see, if i'm 20 and know 2000 people, we can estimate that once I'm 80, have travelled the world etc, i'll know at most 15000 people, and i'm being generous here.  assuming the world's population grows exponentially, and it's projected to grow by 100 million this year, we can say that....k pen and paper time.  thanks to google's calculator feature, we can see that when i'm 80 the population should be something around 16,007,714,200.  that divided by the 15000 people i'd know, we get about 1,067,181. soooooo by this, we can estimate that there are about 4,268,723.8 potential candidates for love, over four million people i have the capability of falling heads-over-hells, crazy stupid in love with.  half empty, half full time:  does this person you're in love with (or will be) really matter?  are we really that disposable?  or is this the most comforting thing i've ever heard (as someone who's never been in love/never been loved)??  why waste my time fretting over people who don't treat me the way i deserve to be treated?  hell, there are 4 million people out there just waiting to spend the rest of their lives in my arms

wow..........that was so much thinking......and even more math.  

me? i'm holdin out for that .8 of a person

oh so many things going on in my mind.....

back in miami, NO ONE is here yet, so i'm sitting around in my room constantly doing nothing except sleeping and watching reruns.

still nice to be back....kc's....well, i've said it all in my last post....just weird.

normally when i come home, the week right before i realize how much i'm gonna miss it...and....that didn't really happen this time. 

growing up means realizing who is important, and who thinks the same about you......this break did a lot of that

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well

"everybody knows it sucks to grow up, and everybody does.  it's so weird to be back here"

my break perfectly summed up in one lyric

oh and if anyone randomly feels like buying me something (cause i only have $122 right now ) pottery barn has a double cocktail jigger for only $12 i want it soooo badly

ok SO i'm trying to get a free flatscreen TV, same deal as the free iPod thing, except i already have one of those.  i need 8 people to sign up for it before i can get one.  SO everyone should go to http://www.FreeFlatScreens.com/?r=14012526 and register to get one too.  plus, you have to participate in one of the offers which is kind of a bitch, but i did the bargain.com one and you don't have to pay for anything, so it's pretty much like hey free flatscreen tv

SO EVERYONE GO DO IT RIGHT NOW!

that's all

kisses

i've rediscovered an old hobby of mine....here's to hoping these work

I was talking to one of my friends and she mentioned how she didn't want to go back to school because it felt so good being home.   and i thought.....gosh i don't feel that way.

not that i hate it here.  i just don't feel like i belong here.  since i've been gone, so many things have changed.  my friends are all different, i'm different, the places are different.  i feel sort of indifferent to my family, like i don't know them.  like they're strangers that i just happen to live with.  with a few exceptions, i feel like a lot of my friends don't actually like me.  or....not even that, but that i feel like i have a big group of acquaintance friends.  like matt and jessica, they're friend friends, everyone knows they mean so much to each other.  i don't feel like there's anyone here who thinks about me all the time.  even like...once a day.  hey, i wonder what danny's doing, i wanna hang out with him soon.  naturally there are exceptions (you know i don't mean you), and i'm not trying to point fingers, it's just a feeling i get.  if people here really enjoyed being in my company and liked having me around, why have i spent the majority of my break sitting in my house alone?  the jessica to my matt moved all the way to the hell we call california

i've mentioned before that sometimes i wish i could cut off all ties and start my life over.  i guess i've done that, just without cutting off all my ties.  so many people i don't speak to anymore, and i've moved away and started another life.  there's such a big part of me that none of you know, and i sort of like that.

OH i got it.  i posted a xanga entry this summer that spoke about past roads and how at one point in time your life consisted of a particular pattern.  in time things change and that pattern isn't a part of your life anymore.  and then randomly you find yourself back on that road, and it's just....eerie.  you feel like you shouldn't be there and feel like you're having deja vu times 4.  that's what being here is like.  i drove by my old house in st louis once.  it's like that.  this once was home, but it's not anymore.  and while it still holds a special place in my heart for what it used to mean to me, things have changed, and things are different now. 

and the butterflies in the pit of my stomach are just too much for me. 

and it's time to go home.

k i've made a sort of unofficial vow to only update when it's really important, and now's just about that time, one fuck of a xanga entry in my head, so it's time to spit it out.  any musical theater fans, (esp. wicked, avenue q, all shook up, spamalot, lippa's wild party, etc) might wanna check this out.   oh, and to warn you, it's totally bitchy and bragging, so if you're a bitter person don't read it haha

I have just returned from the FABULOUS and RIDICULOUSLY fucking COLD city of chicago!!  i left on tuesday morning, drove to st louis and picked up my friend tommy.  we then trekked up to chicago, got there around 4, and met up at lauren kroeger's place.  she's great and beautiful as usual!  then we went over to the cadillac palace theater and saw the out of town tryouts of All Shook Up, which was suprisingly VERY VERY good.  i knew i'd like it, but didn't know i'd like it THAT much.  it's....sort of amazing. very hairsprayesque, and sooo much fun.  and oh the voices! such good singers!  and CHEYENNE JACKSON takes his shirt off.....and he's reallly.....really pretty.  period.  if anyone doesn't know who he is and wants to see a picture of the most beautiful man in the world, i'd suggest going here so after the show we went to the stage door and met cheyenne and got a pic and everything.  so my friend tommy had a couple friends in the cast, so they were all going to a bar for one of the cast members' birthdays.  sooo we came along and got to hang out with most of the cast, met a lot of amazing theater people.....

including.....the directors and choreographers etc AND.....STEPHEN OREMUS

for those of you who don't know who that is...he's the musical director for wicked, avenue q, lippa's wild party, the national tour of rent and....all shook up.  so i ended up having like a 45 minute one on one convo with him about wild party and the way broadway's heading, music, etc.    oh...and he's beautiful.  oh and he worked with idina menzel in wild party and was like "oh yeah idina called me yesterday to chat about the rent movie" i was like AAAAHHH SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE! couldn't deal a little bit

and THEN.....in walks the cast of spamalot....including hank azaria, david hyde pierce, and tim curry.   and.....orgasm, yup there it was.  we didn't talk to david or tim, but hank came over and sat by tommy and i and talked to us about having a poker tournament for like a half hour haha.  so then we went back to lauren's, but not after getting goodbye hugs from jenn gambatese and stephen oremus and a bunch of the other cast members

so we were gonna go see spamalot the next day, but we didnt' end up getting tickets, so we shopped for a goooood long time, and then the cast of all shook up had invited us to come sit in on rehearsals, since they're in previews and are constantly changing and developing the show.  so we went back over there and got to go backstage and saw stephen again and talked to him for a while.  it was really funny cause cheyenne jackson's this big huge gorgeous elvis-like man, and he was up there in dance pants practicing his ballet technique....while holding a guitar haha. and the piano player would randomly start playing a kansas song, or a norah jones song, and slowly the whole cast would start singing along, all in GORGEOUS harmony, as us theater people are just incredibly talented like that.  so we got to see them rechoreographing one of the numbers, then headed out cause we had to get back to St Lou

so we drive back, in the scary freezing rain, to st louis and meet up with some of tommy's friends at a bar, had drinks, had a lot of fun.  met a guy who runs production at the Muny in St Louis (which most of the cast of all shook up (and a ton of people on broadway) has worked at) and i told him i was auditioning this year and he was like "oh yeah we'll totally hire you" and told me to come back to st louis and bring my book and he'd coach me for my audition and tell me what to sing etc. 

and then i came home.

oh and stephen oremus was interviewed in the pbs broadway the american musical special and i just watched it and was like "I KNOW YOU!!!"

oh and the cast of all shook up invited us to go to the opening in new york in march, but i won't be able to cause of school, so i think i'm gonna go to previews over spring break! yay exciting!!!

ok i'm done gloating.  i don't do it often, let me have my day.

i was like screaming i was so excited

k i'm out for now

love you

MUAH

haha ok i think this is worth a xanga entry

so many of my supposedly close friends are at a party, and NO ONE bothered to invite me, i've just heard about it secondhand and through xanga....that's awesome

it's actually sort of hilarious, like i'm half pissed off, half cracking up at how expected it is

oh well, miami's only half a month away

hope everyone has a blast, i'll be at home with a movie

if anyone feels like hanging out sometime.......well, invite me.  hahaha 

merry....merry christmas eve