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Name: [cassandra alyce]
Country: United States
State: Putang Ina Mo
Birthday: 12/17/1989
Gender: Female


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AIM: xmylostxlullabyx
AIM: leftOut inMemory
AIM: zer0 happiness


Member Since: 5/22/2004

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Thursday, September 30, 2004

NEW XANGA!

http://www.xanga.com/dreamOf_me1217



Wednesday, September 29, 2004



//edit// My internet IS back. I just don't know for how long... Hmm...

            Anyways, I just got done typing my English paper on Anti-Abortion. It is damned good too. I spent 3 frikken hours on it. So, it better be good. So far, I am doing really massively good in school. Which is awesome for me. Yay for gooooood grades.

             This weekend shall be fun. I hope anyways. I have no fucking idea what I am doing. Haha. Oh well. I will figure something out. I might be going to this bonfire thingy with Lynn on Saturday night. And her Soccer game on Saturday morning. But, I don't know if I can yet. I hope I can. It would be massively fun. Ya herr? Yea-yah.

             School is going a lot better now. I guess anyways. Bleh... I am tired.
So, I am going to go. I will update this later... Probably tomorrow. If this is all still hooked up. Peace homeys. And if feels good to be back...

<3 cassandra <3


Monday, September 27, 2004

//edit// No, I do not have the internet back yet... What a bummer.

                            I be at da library yo....

Anyways, it's been FOREVER and a million years since I have updated, and even been to this site! *sighs*

Summary of the past couple weeks:

       Well... they sucked. And... yeah. They sucked.

Okay, first of all... I am still battleing my massive case of depression. Which sucks massively. Last Thursday, I hung out with my siStAa, Caitlin, and this MASSIVELY hot guy, Bryan. Come to find out, he is Josh Roach's (who is MASSIVELY hotttttt too) older brother. Friday night, I stayed over Caitlin's until like... 1:00 in the morning or something. And I got drunk off of my ass. The only thing I remember is walking around Box to da Hill (mah neighborhood). But, then again I had NO fucking idea where we were exactly. Anyways... The next morning, I woke up with a horrible headache. Bryan was calling me, telling me to get up, take a shower, and go over mah gurls house (Caitlin's house). So, I did as he said to. Haha. After I took a shower, took medicine for my wicked headache, went over Caitlin's, and waited for Bryan and Josh to come over. They showed up, and we were chilling. I had a lot of fun with them. Bryan was drunk off of his ass... He was drinking Vodka in orange juice (which tasted REALLY good, and smelled awesome). Anyways, while hanging out, Bryan and Caitlin went off somewhere, and Josh and I were left in Cait's backyard... Sitting on her Trampoline. It felt like it was frikken -385729857 degrees outside... So, of course, I was shivering my ass off. Josh took his huge shirt/jacket thingy off, and put it on me. Hehe. Aww, how sweet. After Bryan and Caitlin came back to us, we went into her front yard, and just ChiNniLLeD, until Rj got there to take me to Griffin's party. When Rj showed up, I gave Josh a hug goodbye, and then I gave Caitlin a hug goodbye. And then I left.

Griffin's BirFdAy parTtyy: Awesome.

          I got there at around 7:00 P to da M. And chilled with a bunch of peoples. It was pretty fun. We danced, played hide-n-seek... But, I ended up leaving early, because I didn't feel good. So, Rj picked me up, and took me home. Then Bryan called me when I got home. Asked me if I was going over Caitlin's. I told him yes, went over there, and waited for him and Josh to come over again. When they finally showed up, we went into Caitlin's basement, and watched a movie. It was called like... "Shreik" or something. And no, it wasn't "Shrek". This was a completely different movie. It was crazy yo. Anyways... while watching the movie, I fell asleep on Josh, because him and I was cuddling. . I loved it. Hehe. ^.^  After the movie ended, it was like... 1:30 in the morning... Josh and Bryan had to leave. We walked them outside, said our goodbyes, and then watched them ride down our court, on their loud as shit dirtbike. It was awesome though.

Sunday:

Bryan gave me a wake up call again... Telling me to get up, and go over Caitlin's house. So, what did I do? I got up, took a shower, and then went over Caitlin's. Josh and Bryan come over... again. And we chilled and watched a movie... again. It was fucking awesome though. I loved it. When the movie was over... they had to leave... again. So, we walked them down to the end of our court, and watched them, walk away. So, for the rest of the day, Caitlin and I chilled. It was awesome. I love hanging out with her. I haven't hung out with her in the LONGEST mother effing time yo. She is off da hook. Fer shizzle.

THIS WEEKEND: off da mutha effing HoOk

Friday: I hung out with Caitlin. Great times, great times. Yea-yah.

Saturday: I hung out with Caitlin for like... an hour or so during the day. And then later on in the night, I went over to Bryan's house, to chill with Josh. Bryan lives with his sister, who lives like... 5 minutes away from me. And Josh comes up here on the weekends to go dirtbike riding with Josh and bunch of their homeys. Anyways... back to mah story.

I went over Bryan's crib, and ChiNniLLeDd with Josh. Bryan was only there for about an hour, because he had to go somewhere with his Brother-N-Law to pick up a truck, and a big screen TV. So, Josh and I were in the basement... with the TV on... lights out... and alone. It was awesome. He is sooooooooo fucking awesome.

**By the way: Josh and I ARE going out.**

           After Bryan got back, we just chilled, watching some more TV. And then my mom came to pick me up, and then I went home... And then I didn't see mi madre for the rest of the night, cause she took Casey out driving for a while... It was awesome.

SUNDAY:

Fucking sucked my balls. Haha. I did absolutely nothing yesterday. Well... wait a second... I did study, and do my homework, but, that is pretty much ALL I did for the whole day. Heh... sounds F-U-N now doesn't it? Of course it does.

          RewiNd:

2 Weeks ago... I don't exactly remember what I did, but, all I know is that it sucked the big one... big time. And same for 3 weeks... yeah.

Anyways... I have to get going... because I have to go home, and do the rest of my homework. *sighs* I HATE homework. Oh well. I will try to update this as soon as I can. Peace homeys.

[cassandra]

LEAVE ME c o m m e n t s BITCHES!

 

**P to da S: even though my weeks have sucked massively, i do have to thank 2 very important people for being there for me. Rj and Lynn. i love you 2 very much. i don't know what i would do without you 2. you both mean the world to me. thank you do much for everything. LOVE YOU BOTH.**


Wednesday, September 08, 2004

//edit// It feels like it has been forever and a million years since I have updated my xanga. *sighs* Oh well...

           Yeah, things haven't really been going well for me. No matter what, I can't ever get happy. Nothing is working. And nothing is helping me. And it sucks. I hate it more than anything. I am going to stop trying so god damn hard soon, because if I can't get happy, than I will never get happy. I try to make things better for me... I keep myself busy, I hang out with the people I love the most. But still... nothing seems to make me happy. School is making things worse on me. I get stressed out so easily now, and I get sad very easy too. I would do anything I can to make myself stop being so sad, and become happy.   And now I am sick. I have a cold. That also makes things worse, all 'cause I have a sinus infection, along with headaches, and PMSing, and all that good stuff us woman JUST LOVE!

             The other night, I went out with Rj and Lynn. I hung out with them for a while, and had an awesome time. I just couldn't get happy. Yes, I know what you are probably thinking to yourself right now... 'How the fuck can you have a great time, but can't be happy??!!' Well... if you were wondering that, here is your answer...

JUST BECAUSE I CAN.

So, yeah. Anyways... back to what I was saying. I hung out with Lynn and Rj, and then we went to the movies with Rj, Lynn, Ruby, Gelo, and Jon Jon. We saw 'Wicker Park'. It was a good movie. I personally liked it... Even though Rj thinks it was... 'Sucky'. Well... how about... no.

             Yeah, school sucked the big one today. And yeah... it sucked. I still don't have the internet. And I won't have it for at least another week. I am at the library right now... updating, because I can. Rj picked Lynn and I up from school today, and we came here, to do our homework, and to just chill. So, yeah. I am just chilling, listening to the QUIETNESS of the library, and the rain falling outside. Blah. Today SUCKS.

                Anyways, I am going to go, because I am. *sighs* Yeah... So, this will be my last update for like a week or so. Don't miss me too much. Well, nah, nevermind. Peace homeys.

<3 cassandra <3

 

LEAVE ME c o m m e n t s BITCHES!!!


Sunday, September 05, 2004

//edit// The past few days have been nothing but shit for me.

         Okay, well... School is going okay. Well... it was going okay. And I am emphasizing the work "was". It started to make me depressed. Depressed to the point where all I do is cry, and sleep. I can't get happy, no matter what. People have tried, and it's not working. For the past 3 nights now, all I have been doing is crying myself to sleep. And when I wake up in the morning, all I do it cry. It sucks so badly. I know some reasons why I feel this way. First of all, I feel like I don't fit in. And that makes me feel horrible about myself. Because I want people to notice me... And actually like me. Whenever I sayhi to someone, or talk to someone... It feels like they don't want me around. Like anything I say means absolutley nothing. I am not saying that is what they are thinking, but, that is just how I feel. Also.. I feel like I can be a really bad friend. I don't know what to do anymore. I have been holding so much stuff in for the longest time, I am jsut now letting it ALL out, ALL at once. And it is sooo overwhelming for me. At the end of the week, I am going to my doctor, to get an appointment with a Pschyiatrist. And then they are going to put me on anti-depressants. See if they work. I feel so empty, lost, confused, and lonely. I hate it. My mom was yelling at me today for being like this. Like I can help it? No. I have been trying to make myself happy for the past couple of days now. And it's still not working. So, I don't know. Blah...

           My parents took me to the mall today... They wanted to see if hanging out with them and my brothers would help. Which it didn't. My dad bought me the clogs I have been wanting for the longest time, a new outfit, a jacket, and a hair straightener. Which is pretty cool. I just feel like something isn't right. I don't know what it is. When I got home from the mall tonight, Rj came over. He played the Acoutsic, and I sang. We did it for my mom. And then Rj sang his song he wrote for me, and I started to cry. So, my mom just hugged me. And then I sang again. And then Rj took my mom and I to WaWa, and 7-11. And now I am here, listening to music, trying to get happy... But, it's not working too well. I am going to see if I can have some people over tomorrow, to chill. Maybe that will help. Doubt it, but, it doesn't hurt to try. *sighs* I really need help. This sucks sooooo badly. I can't hold anything in me anymore. My brother called me a pain in the ass today. Made me cry. My mom yelled at me today, made me cry. My dad hugged me, I cried. Everything has been setting me off, sooo easily. And I don't know why. I wish I knew why, but, I just don't.

          Well, I am going to go... because I have nothing else to write about. So, yeah... I will update later. Maybe... or something. Byebye...

<3 cassandra <3

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