i think this past christmas was one of the best that i've had. it was the first christmas we got to spend with lola (grandma) ever since we moved from new jersey (summer of 97), everyone had christmaseve n christmas day off so no one was missing from any of the families, no one was late, we ha more than enough food, n we celebrated it in such a beautiful house ( the karaan residents).

when everyone got to the house after going to church, lola said grace n we grubbed. later on we took our family pictures n picutres with our ninongs/ninangs. midnight struck n we all screamed "merry christmas." we sang christmas songs n started "manito/manita." they sang "i love my manita" in different versions n that made the whole secret santa exchange a lot more funny. some individuals got the same people as last year, n that kinda killed it. but it was still fun anyway.

we opened all of our presents. caroline n i were very surprised n of course pleased with what we got from our parents. we both got dooney n bourke wristlets, nike socks ( a VERY random gift. our mom is weird...) n along with rusell, the 3 of us got our own digital cameras from our dad. we're so used to getting a sweater or a pair of jeans from them, but thi year they each got us something quite expensive. of course we loved it. we felt like the little kids for once, who always get multiple, expensive gifts from their parents.  anyway after all the unwrapping we did the usual to stay up the whole night -- playing mahjong, watch movies, watch dvd concerts, play video games, n go on the interent. me, mar, caroline, and gigi knocked out pretty early around 4:30am. christmas day we just did the usual again. sleep, eat, watch movies/tv/concerts, play mahjong.

yeah, it sounds retty normal. but it was just all too perfect, really. i loved every moment of it.

okay so this is my christmas of 2005 in a nutshell: lots of food, lots of family, lots of fun, lots of laughs, lots of love.

^ the christmas tree with all the presents

^ all of the guys

^ all of the ladies

from the avila, barrera, inting, jadulco, karaan, schlafer, trababjo families -- we wish you all happy holidays and a happy new year!!  |[ mizzDIMPZ ]|

my classes are about to kick my ass within the next few weeks with all these damn  research papers! i need to get started on them as soon as i can, but there just seems to not be enough time to do it all. arrrgghh!

the west oaks applebee's is gunna open on wednesday n imma go train over there for a few days to help them out. pasadena is gunna start their training soon so hopefully i can get over there n help them out a bit, too. i love the money when it comes to training. HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY to us, the veterans of mo city a-bee's.

november has come/is coming out with some bad ass movies. the legend of zorro, rent, jarhead, HARRY POTTER and the goblet of fire (yeaaa bitch!), derailed, walk the line, and pride and prejudice. i wanna see all of these so badly. too bad i don't have the time or money to waste on that shit. gotta save up for christmas.

oh n i finally uploaded the pictures from the HUNKS concert from october 29th. n oooh girl! were we excited or what?!?! caroline n i were screaming our asses off for the guys. we would have had a lot more fun but the stupid auditorium managers wouldn't let us croud the stage. but thank God for VIP seats! yea yeauh! i don't know if i could count how many times me n caroline got wet from them pulling off their shirts. =P haha

^ carolos agassi, bernard palanca, diether ocampo, jericho rosales, n piolo pascual

^ drools.

^ carlos teasing us. what a bastard. n yes, this is one of the moments when we got a tad bit wet. HA.

^ jericho n arlene. sounds good, right? hahaha KIDDING.

^ carlos n caroline.

go ahead. be jealous of us. its okae.

the rest of the pictures are here on my webshots.

im glad to say that i've been pretty happy for the past couple of weeks =D. hi ray! im liking this feeling. |[ mizzDIMPZ ]|

i can't believe it's been two years since you've left us, lolo. it feels like were all still together just last year. i know you're always with us spiritually n in our hearts, but physically it really did feel like you were still there. lola seems to be a little bit better now. we can talk about you without crying. it puts me at ease to know that she won't be sad when we talk about you, but that she'll be happy because she knows that you're in the best place anyone can be in. we still miss you, though. i know for sure that jennifer misses you a lot. whenever she goes to sleep, she'll always ask me, "ate arlyn, can you put me to sleep the way that lolo does it? i like it n it's easier for me to sleep when he did it that way." of course i don't have your touch but eventually she'll go to sleep. we all still wish you were here with us, lolo. to see the things we do, to be proud of what we've accomplished, to just be there along side of lola n be happy of the families that you two created. we just really miss you. keep watching us from up above in Heaven, okae? i love you.

love, your very own little cry baby |[ arlyn ]|

birthday update. sorry it took forever for me to tell you all what happened. i found someone to work for me (bitches had the nerve to schedule me on my birthday) to help my mom cook dinner since my dad wasn't in the condidtion to help since he got back from the hospital the day before. had all of the relatives over for dinner n what else .. mahjong. i really didn't wanna do the typical birthday thing n go clubbing n get fucked up. but i didn't have any other ideas. i really wanted to do sky diving but yea .. i didn't wanna give my parents a heart attack so that was out of the question. so anyway me n my girls caroline, kris, bridgett, susan, kathy, yasmine, kaylah, n kallilian went to live n danced our asses off on the stage n then some. i told you n asked you not to, but thanks kathy n bridgett for buying me birthday shots. imma get yer asses back. so yea .. overall i had an amazing birthday n i couldn't ask for anything more than to be with the best family ever n to do what i love doing n doing it with some of girls i love. thank you to you all for gracing me with yer presence. it always has n always will mean the world to me.

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can someone please tell my why i am such a fool? i tell myself over n over n over again after learning from the same fucking mistake that i so naively make time after time to NEVER LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN. but what do i do, exactly? i let it happen anyway. why? oh, that's right. cuz i'm the most gullible, most stupid fool you'll ever meet in yer life. i can promise you that. i'm SO SICK of constantly opening my heart to always think, just this once, "it's gunna be different."  for me to actually take their word n believe it might just happen n work out. for me to build my hopes up to only have it coming crashing down right before my very eyes. there's a reason why i don't trust people. but what do i end up doing anyway? i trust them because i thought it would be safe to. you would think that spending quality time with a person or knowing them for a certain amount of time would let you know if you can or cannot trust them. who gives a shit about either one of those things. ok fine .. maybe you can trust them on some kind of level. but real trust is so hard to find n rare that you shouldn't expect to have it so easily. i'm an idiot to think i had it for those moments. n to be always manipulated into thinking that something can happen is a fucking bitch. i hate it when it's too good to be true. people change; i get that. but goddamn. why does it always unfold to be the same fucking pattern for me? i'm a complete idiot for falling for it every damn time. i know some might think that i'm over reacting, n maybe i am. but once you let yer feelings go, they're out there. you can't do anything once you let them out. n as much as i would like to, i can't take them back n hold them close to my heart where they belong. it's too late. n i know that everyone has done that at least once in their life. n it hurts. we all know that. it really, truly hurts to the point where you actually feel it in yer chest; in yer heart. there's so much pain that sometimes i feel like i should seriously stop bothering with this shit. permanently. i hate how this shit literally drains you out. n i know you tell me i shouldn't be caring about these people anymore because of what i get put through. but we all know how big of a heart i have to care for people that i shouldn't be caring for. they're not worth it. but i can't help it. that's who i am. i always care regardless what has happened. people take who i am n my doings for granted; i already know that. but i go off to care anyway only because that's who i am.

look out now, life just bitched slapped me in the face without me even seeing it coming. AGAIN. people say the third time's a charm. well this time the charm better fucking work cuz i honestly cannot take it anymore. my feelings cannot take it. my emotions cannot take it. my tears cannot take it. n my heart, most definitely, cannot take it.  |[ mizzDIMPZ ]|