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| Confusion sucks...plain and simple.
God help me. That's about all I can say...Lord I need you.
"I lift my eyes unto the hills, where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.
I will praise you in this storm,
And I will lift my hands
You are who you are,
No matter where I am,
Every tear I cry
You hold in Your hand
And though this heart is TORN
I will praise You in this storm."
~casting crowns
Oh the masquerade of a lost soul is deadly...faint...poor...blind.
The face is LYING, while the soul is DYING to leave it all behind.
VISIONS
I look in the mirror and what do I see
Someone else looking back at me
Someone whose hurting with tears in her eyes
You can feel the pain when you see her cry
Someone who doesn't know how much she can endure
But all she knows is that she has to be sure
She has to be sure everything will be alright
She needs strength to make it through the night
No one knows the secrets she keeps
No one knows she cries herself to sleep
Because of the pain that is in her life
Because of the toils, teh tears, the strife
The things she knows play a big part
In the open wounds left in her heart
She's still very young but the things she's gone through
May never be seen in a lifetime by you
What she needs is someone to care
Someone she knows will always be there
Only in HIM has she found that friend
whose love and faithfulness know no end
Now only joy is in her tears
Joy that will alst a thousand years
And now, at last, this girl can smile
Because she knows the pain lasts only for a while
She now has the comfort she's been longing for
Her pain and sorrow are no more
He took it all away
They were nailed to the cross with him that day...
I look in the mirror and what do I see
That girl that i saw, turned out to be...me
Someone whose smiling with tears in her eyes
You can feel the joy when you see her cry | | |
| Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. He sends from heaven and saves me, rebuking those who hotly pursue me; God sends his love and his faithfulness. I am in the midst of lions; I lie among ravenous beasts-- men whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp as swords. Be exalted, o God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. They spread a net for my feet-- I was bowed down in distress. They dug a pit in my path-- but they have fallen into it themselves. My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the daw. I will praise you, O lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaching to the skies. Be exalted, o God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. ~Psalm 57~ | | |
| why does life have to be so confusing?? Honestly! Just when I think I'm figuring things out, I get a curve ball. No wait, I get a SCREW ball, cause I feel like life is just messing with me sometimes! I wish I knew exactly what my heart wanted.
Is it true that we always want what we can't have?
What about staying true to yourself?
Why is love so confusing and messy?
I fell like my head is going to explode with all the questions.
And the truth is, I cannot really talk to anyone about anything because no one will really understand...and I really shouldn't be talking about them anyways, because they are feelings I am not supposed to have. Maybe if I don't think about them they'll go away, if i pretend they don't exist they won't....if only it could work that way.
I guess...I don't know. I'm just gonna pray, I'm gonna pray alot. Because I'm not sure what path my life is supposed to go down...right now there are a few choices. One is one I alway thought I wanted, something I know will be there and be consistent. But then there is the risky one, not a bad risky, a good risky. Where I wouldn't know how each turn is going to go. Gosh I know this is confusing but it's confusing because it's all jumbled in my head. I hoped writing it down would help...but I think it's making it worse. I just want to breathe...truly breathe. I want to be free.
This above all to thine own self be true- I wish I truly believed that.
Maybe I do...Maybe that's the problem...
| | |
| So...I have not been on this in MONTHS. But I figured it might be good to update lol. My life this summer, well rather this past year, has been a total and complete rollercoaster. I do not even know where to start.
High school is over, which is weird. I had to say goodbye to so many people I care about, not necessarily people from school, but just in general. It was the hardest to say goodbye to Lauren and Grace, it was like saying goodbye to my family. I cried so hard when Grace left I thought it was never going to stop. I just realized that I've never had to worry about her not being there, and now she is hundreds of miles away. It's weird not having her around. And not having Lauren around is just as weird, no more late night trips to Vlasis park to swing. That was really weird to, the week before she left we went out to our park and said goodbye, swang one last time, rocked on that stupid boat one last time...and cried lol. We're such dorks. But she's in Texas now...and I miss her crazy bad. And I'm not even gonna talk about not having Emily around, haha things are much less interesting now without her.
On the upside I am loving college. It's different but fun. It's just a matter of finding people you really enjoy hanging out with, that you can be yourself around. Which for me isn't that hard anyway...It would probably be to my advantage to be a little less friendly to people lol. I've made quite a few friends just from my theatre department that are awsome and hysterical. Ryan is always happy, James is well...james is a monkey lol, Bobby is a sweetheart who sat up with me one night till like 4am cause I needed someone to talk to, Lindsay was like the first girl I became friends with and saved my butt on more than one occasion, Kelly has adopted me as her own lol and I love her. I'm in a production called "American Rosies" which is really fun, I love all the girls and it's a really good play. It was a good way to get to know people. Basically I'm just crazy busy all the time and it's interesting trying to balance schoolwork with rehearsal with downtime with playtime and with time for Zachary.
Thats been the other thing this summer that has been like a rollercoaster. But I our relationship is stronger now than it ever has been and I know he is the love of my life. We have been through so much and even though it was really hard at times, I cannot imagine my life with anyone but him. You know how like every little girl has their list of things they want in a guy...well he is mine. The thing I love the most is that he is a man of God, and thats what comes first in his life. He helps lift me up when I'm down and make me smile through tears, he is one of the only people who has that ability. Anyways, I dont' want to pour out my heart to much but long story short: I know he is the one for me, and I cannot wait to start my life with him.
His birthday was on saturday and that was fun, I surprised him when he got off work at 1am b/c I knew I wasn't going to have another chance to see him. So we went to 7-11 for a while and then grabbed a blanket and laid out in a feild near his house for a while just looking at the starts. It was so amazing.
Oh and the other exciting thing about this summer: I was baptized! Well it wasn't really summer anymore. It was September 4th but still, I finally did it. But anyways, I have to get going, I have class in about an hour and a few more things to do. But there is my short little update. : )
xoxo
Betsy | | |
| So this is it, i leave in 30 min for mexico...so goodbye to everyone i didn't get to tell personally. i'm exicted and nervous cause things are already rocky, and i know that there will be alot of stuff coming against this trip...there always is. so please pray for protection and that everything will be done on schedual. thats about it, i don't have alot of time to write i just wanted to say bye to everyone, em, zachary, and christy i'll have my cell so feel free to call, i'll answer it i can. i love everyone and i'll be thinking of you. oh....and i wanted to post this song...cause its how i feel after this awsome week:
SOME HEARTS
I’ve never been the kind that you’d call lucky
Always stumbling’ around in circles
But I must have stumbled into something
Look at me
Am I really alone with you
I wake up feeling like my life’s worth living
Can’t recall when I last felt that way
Guess it must be all this love you’re giving
Never knew never knew it could be like this
But I guess
Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Now who’d have thought someone like you could love me
You’re the last thing my heart expected
Who’d have thought I’d ever find somebody
Someone who someone who makes me feel like this
Well I guess
Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Even hearts like mine
Get lucky, lucky sometimes
Some hearts
They just get all the right breaks
Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes
Some hearts,
They just have it so easy
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes
Some hearts just get lucky,
Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes | | |
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