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ameetball
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Name: Ameet
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 6/11/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Watching movies, Listening to music, shopping, cooking, photography, dancing. . . and the list goes on.
Expertise: Being Ameet. I am an expert at being me and can teach anyone. Dancing. I love to dance and if i don't know a specific dance i love to learn it. Movies. i love movies and everything about them. One day i too will have a movie out and you can say "I know him."
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
10/27/2002
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| Om Shanti Om
Have you ever felt as if you were a burden on others? I mean a true burden in every aspect. That the friends you have pity you and that they are really only your friends for personal gain or out of pity for you? I mean I know this is a ridiculous thought but I can't help but feel it sometime. I'm not sure what sparks this emotion. It sure as hell isn't attention, it sure as hell isn't to receive positive reinforcement from my freinds. Cause no amount of positive reinforcement could ever make-up for feeling this way. you know?
I guess it's been a long road to where i am in life right now. and i can't help but look back and see how my friends have always been so influential in the way i look at things. I mean the ways my friends perceive situations tend to shape my perception of things. So by extension i become my friend. But what happens when i suddenly realize to ahve my own thoughts and my own feelings. How am i supposed to feel around a friend that i once agreed with so much it was scary but now feel their impression of the world is neither healthy for himself or for myself.
I also feel that i'm not meant to fit into this college crowd. i'm mean sure i have freinds and i love to learn. But of my friends i'm the one with multiple jobs just to ensure that my parents don't pay more than they have already paid. It sucks sometimes having to backout of events that i had my heart so set on simply because my body is so exhausted with work that i could not possibly stay awake another hour. I guess i skipped the college phase and moved straight into the post college phase.
I guess that is really what i'm feeling right now. and of course the usual hoping and wishing that one day my life will get on the path of the one i've dreamed of for years. the perfect life with the perfect job and of course the person i've been dreaming of since before i can even remember.
*sigh* i need a hug. | | |
| I'm so frustrated. i've had the shittiest days these past two weeks and honestly i'm at a point where all i really wanna do is go to sleep to deal with everything. But that can't work cause not my sleep is being bothered. shit. i wish i weren't alone. ever felt that way? that you can be surrounded by so many people and yet still be alone. And i also feel that you can do so much and yet no one will ever appreciate you, instead they pounce on any bad thing that you do and drag it out til the death. i know that karma and dharam should guide me in letting it go, but it just hurts. And on a side note i think people here in SB are forgetting that not everyone has the lifestyle of calling home for cash when they need to. some of us actually ahve to work to get through school. Me, i work two jobs and honestly i feel that that is overlooked and people expect me to be everywhere just because they assume i have it easy like everyone else. . . ahhhhhhhhs ooo fucking frustrated. When's he coming? | | |
| So per request by my oh so demanding best friend, i write on xanga once again to inform you all of my life. life is good at this moment. i'm making progress in my film career. i'm working on a lot of stuff for the Indian culture show Visions of India. I'm choreographing so i invite you all to come and see it. It's a loooong show but it's good.
The RA job is going well. i love my residents to a point.
the library job is going well. i'm applying for a higher position that will put me on salary if i get it.
I'm finding housing with a friend of mine in IV. we're both busy individuals so i don't have to worry about anything.
I think things are going my way at this moment.
so for now. i say eveything is good. | | |
| I didn't get the job i was hoping for. | | |
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