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| ...Our Deepest Fear...ok....so i just got home from the movies...and i have to admit...watching "akeelah and the bee" was far more worth it...plus alot more moving...hehe...but then again thats just me. anyways...if you have watched the movie...im so obsessed with the quote that it had on it...so yeah,now ive got to share it(told ya ray id get it) hehe!
and if you havent watched the movie, im sure you would still be able to find some meaning to it after you read it. with that...i leave you with just one word....ENJOY!!!
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
by Marianne Williamson | | |
| ...the battle...ok...so everyone has heard of it. and now its official. im in a battle. battle of the buldge!  and im so serious about it!!!
ok so a couple days ago a friend of mine called me up. i unfortunately was at work, i received her voicemail asking me to call her. i was surprised for she hardly ever calls me up, but also because i thought she was still in Georgia. ok, so i call her back and she lays it all out for me.
i told her that i wanted to be part of her wedding, but not a big part...just the person who carries the bouquet of flowers down the aisle for offering.  but not anymore!!! she has called to ask that i be one of her sponsors. since we are so close, i was the first person she had thought of. apparently her cousin from seattle that was supposed to be her sponsor isnt able to attend...and so she has asked me. 
so of course i cant really say no. i mean, ive known her for what...almost 10 years. DANG!  anyways, so yeah...now im in this mindset that i should...which i really should...lose weight. idk how...idk why, i just feel like i want to look hot when time comes for her wedding.  but heres the dealbreaker...its in 2 months. well one month...its my tux fitting, and then a month later its the wedding...talk about short term! so yeah. thats the battle im in right now. i totally need to get into it...but idk, no motivation. but we'll see. im tryin my hardest not to eat rice, as well as reduce the food intake...not too sure if thats working. dangit!
anyone gots any suggests for me? or if anyone would like to join me in my battle, let me know! the more the merrier i think. ok...later! | | |
| ...my finger...ive come to remember why I always try not to get sick or injured.Forget about the pain you are feeling, the wait to just see the doctor is excruciating.And ive really never realized the importance…er…value of my fingers, until the day I almost lost one.
Let me explain…
It was Saturday (March 11) and everything was going as usual at work.I was getting ready to leave so I was closing out my drawer when I get a page on the PA system, “Mr. Villanueva phone call on line 1 please.”So as I head to the phone, I hit the safe door with my foot to close.Not realizing that my middle finger was in between.When I finally realized it, I quickly opened the door with my other hand to see that the tip of my finger has been injured.From the nail to about the middle of the tip of my finger was bleeding like nobody’s business.I quickly get napkins and rush to the restroom to rinse out all the blood with water, in hopes to not get it infected.After opening anything and everything to sterilize my finger, it was bandaged and I was off to “urgent care” – fhp clinic.
From there I waited, um…and hour to be seen by the doctor…real urgent care there.While waiting, I was required to fill out all these forms…and if you know me…im right handed so that was rather difficult…thank goodness my boss was there to fill them out.When I finally got seen, I was told I had to go see a hand specialist to see what could be done.Oh yeah…I had to take several xrays to determine if my bones on the finger were broken…thank goodness none, but I was told that if the safe door actually cut just a little more…I may have lost my entire tip of my finger.
So my I go the hand specialist, Dr. Jerone Landstrom. Funny thing is, he was also the doctor that treated my bro when he almost cut his thumb off completely with a power saw. (another story for another time)so anyways… my mom and I go there at 10am only to fill out which seemed like 15 pages of paperwork, only to be told that I have to come back at 3pm for my official appointment.So when I get there…I then wait…an hour and a half til I was seen.Then it only took like 15 minutes for the doctor to talk to me then I was left again to wait in the waiting room for all my paperwork that I needed for my surgery.
So yeah surgery was today.I think it went fine…except for the fact that I feel nauseated.But that maybe because I wasn’t allowed to eat until 8pm tonight…which would be like 22 hours without any food.And so yeah…surgery was ok.I guess.I mean I had to take my blood pressure so many times, I had to get an IV stuck into my veins, as well as I had to get all naked and wear them hospital robe…well not completely naked…had my underwear on.So anyways…I was put to sleep for the most part…and until now I can not feel a thing on my middle finger…but just in case I got some major pain killer to ease the pain…if any…vicodin!Woo hoo!But yeah…the doctor says I should be up and operational by Thursday, just gotta rest a bit because of the anesthesia that I was given could last up to 24 hours…and honestly…im still sleepy…lol well more on my finger journey later.Will update as soon as I go to my next appointment. Later
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| …on my own…
I need a light to fill this emptiness
To drive away the sad regrets
Its almost time to face the hardest test
The long and lonely road ahead
Im on my own without a hand to catch me fall
Without the one I thought I could depend on
Im on my own with half the strength I had before
I wonder which direction should I go
But every heart can learn to love again
And every single tear, given time will dry
I believe I can make it on my own
Im on my own tomorrow
As I stare the past right in the face and let go
Im on my own
Theres still some dreams ahead of me
The tears have stopped falling
I depend on no one
Im feeling stronger
And all that’s left for me to do is throw the windows open
There is nothing left for me to lose
But to go on and try
I believe my heart can love again
For I believe that I can make it on my own | | |
| ...the one you love OR the one that loves you...
ok so at work today a coworker out of the blue came to me and asked...."would you go with the one that loves you? or go with the one you love?" i know...it sounds like lyrics for a song...it actually is...was playing today on 95.5 (radio station mandated at work) which is somewhat bareable compared to some musak crap...like what the other abc's have.
ok back to the question at hand.
it honestly got me thinking...i mean...if i was faced with that question it would honestly puzzle me. well i think that it all depends on the circumstances. i mean, im the analytical type so i always try to list the positives and negatives of each decision and basically go from there. boring i know...but im also one who believes in karma, and karma is a bitch so...rather be safe than sorry.
idk...the song is very interesting in my point of view. i mean...the question is so simple yet the answer to it is rather complex. i mean, would i go with the one whom i love and the one whom i have feelings for? or do i go with the one that loves me? and then behind those questions poses even more questions...if i chose to go with the one that i love...how sure am i that they actually love me in return? or if i go with the one that loves me...will i give it a chance that i will love that person in the long run? confusing isnt it?
well...if any of you have any comments of opinions about this...feel free to let me know. would love to get insight of others opinions. | | |
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