| Hey everybody. This entry is really long, but really important, so please read the entire thing. I'm just updating to tell you guys I'm gonna be shutting this site down. I am no longer anorexic. A few weeks ago, I was fasting and had been for 5 or 6 days. One day, I just randomly passed out and no matter what anyone did, I would not wake up. They called the ambulance. While in the ambulance, I stopped breathing. Everyone thought I was going to die. Once in the hospital for 3 days, I finally woke up. My doctor told me that it was because I was extremely malnourished and my body was preparing to shut down. I am now in a hospital/rehab center for eating disorders. I have come to realize that being thin isn't worth dying for. I only weigh 101 pounds right now, but I am making progress. They even think I will be well enough to start school on time. I still want to count calories and weigh myself and look for fat all over my body, but I am learning to resist those urges. I've eaten 2000 calories everyday for 4 days. That, for me, is a new kind of accomplishment. My coach tells me that I am on the right track. I just want all you girls to realize how dangerous this is. This isn't a joke. This isn't just a hobby. It is a life-threatening disease. I could have died. I nearly did. It took me a long time to realize this. The first few days in the hospital, I could only eat a little bit everyday, or else I would throw up because my stomach wasn't used to that much food. Nurses almost had to force-feed me because I didn't want to ruin the progress I had made to being pure bones. A few dyas later, when I looked in the mirror, I really looked at MYSELF. Not at my "fat". I realized how terrible I looked. How sunken my cheeks were. How the skin was literally hanging off my bones, because it had lost it's elasticity due to lack of nutrients. How I am 5'10, nearly 5'11 and I weighed 94 pounds. How I looked like a skeleton in a science lab. That one look in the mirror changed my life for the better. I started eating everything that was put in front of me, and always wanting more. I asked for seconds for the first time in years. Now, I eat right, excersize lightly (a little yoga every other day) and go to therapy to discuss why I did what I did to myself. I especially like group therapy. I like hearing what the other girls (and one boy) have to say. Some say their lives were spiraling out of control and their food was the only thing they could control. Some say they looked @ it as an extreme hobby, sort of like scrapbooking. Some girls say they had some1 in their lives pressuring them to look a certain way. Some girls (like me) just wanted to be thin for the sake of being thin. I wanted to be a high-fashion runway model. I still might be able to, once I get myself back up to a healthy weight. The saddest I heard was one girl who said she couldn't eat because her family was poor and her mother would beat her if she went anywhere near the fridge. Once her mother got sent to jail for robbery, she was sent to live with her grandmother. She was still so afraid of being beaten, she would go for days without eating. But her grandmother was oldand senile and didn't notice. Her father came to visit and noticed how thin and unhealthy she looked and admitted her to the hospital. I am not supposed to have any contact with the outside world except family, but my brother brought me his laptop to use. Once I get out (some time around the 20th, hopefully) I will be back on here. If you are interested in getting help or just want advice on how to stop or what to do, my yahoo name is polkadotpanda57. And my e-mail adress is polkadotpanda57@yahoo.com. IM or e-mail me with questions. I want to help. I don't want anymore wonderful, beautiful, smart girls to fall victim to this terrible disease. I'm not trying to get you to stop. I'm just trying to make sure everyone realizes that this is a life-threatening diease and there is a real danger. I still love you all, no matter what. Thanks for reading. |
