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| B: Coffee, Water
L: Grilled Chicken Salad (5 Carbs)
D: Egg Salad, Cheese, Ham, & Tomatoes (6 Carbs)
S: Tuna & Cheese (2 Carbs)
Water all day... clearly eating LOW FAT/LOW CARB...and *really* trying to stick with my plan and not go over the Induction period's 20 carb maximum.
13 carbs if I stick with this.
I can do this. I have faith that I can. I do not need to binge. NO NO
NO. I'll keep myself busy. I'll go to the gym. I'll praise myself, and
motivate myself, and be HAPPY with my progress tomorrow. I know I can.
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| Today,
is a HUGE day.
I'm starting back on the Atkins diet---but a more restrictive version. I am going to eat low carb,
low fat, and really work to control my portions/eating times. I guess
if I try to space my meals out more, I'll be less likely to binge. =)
Most of the good food on campus IS low carb (i.e. make your own egg
omlettes in the morning, bacon, sausage, cheeseburgers, salads,
chicken, lunch meat, etc.) Don't get me wrong...
I'm not going to just go SCARF down heaps of bacon, eggs, and sausage
because I can... I'm going to still do low fat as much as possible. I'm
going to eat lots and lots of salads with chicken, shrimp, and
vinegar/oil dressing. I am going to try my hardest to DO THIS..
seriously.
ALSO, have you girls ever heard of BODY WRAPS?
I have an appointment to get one in ONE hour. Apparently it's this system that detoxifies your body and makes you lose 8-10 inches
for every hour you do it. My friend gets them done and has lost SO much
weight. This will be SUCH a good idea for me... especially since I am
starting my diet today.
It's like a fresh, clean start with my body... and I CAN'T wait.
I am going to start Yoga & Pilates---hardcore. YES.
I'll let you girls know how the body wrap goes...
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| ;;;; Damage
Coffee (10)
Special K (130)
Skim Milk (75)
1/2 Banana (40)
Total so far ---255
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I want to be the smallest I can possibly be...when I see bone, that's the day I will finally feel free...
I can't remember the last time I have weighed myself. Transitioning to
college was a very sudden, emotionally draining thing for me.
Unforunately, emotion equals EATING, most of the time overeating/mia.
At times I tried to overcome having any and all eating disorders at one
time. I tried "eating normally," but .. as you girls know.. would feel
guilty & fat for having what most people would consider "normal"
portions. I guess if I can't be a normal eater, I'll come back to the
only thing I know will truly help me overcome my bulimia... undereating.
It's a shame that I have to turn to anorexia to overcome bulimia. How
awful does that really sound? I feel like I have gained so much weight
in the past month. I have completely abandoned all of my worries and
preoccupations with food... but my body has suffered because of it. My
clothes don't fit me as well, and I am surrounded by girls of all body
types. I am around girls who EAT, girls who don't, girls who are sticks
and bones (*and MAJOR thinspirations at that), and a roommate who, in
regards to eating, has stronger will power than I do. IT SUCKS. I just
want to come back to my controlled, structured life in which I could
feel progress. I want the control. I want the envy. I want girls to
say... DAMN, how does she do that?
I made a plan for tomorrow. I blocked out certain times to eat &
work out. I worked around my classes and it seems like it'll work.
8-9:15 (Class)
9:30 (Small Breakfast)
10-11:30 (Study)
12 PM (Pilates Class)
2 (Class)
3 (Small Lunch)
4-6 (Club Meetings/Study)
7 (Run)
7:30 (Small Dinner)
I feel like if I map out my schedule each night before I go to bed,
I'll be less tempted to over-eat/binge. If I do not allow myself
moments alone with food---especially late night---and devote myself
entirely to school, clubs, friends, and working out, I'll be fine.
There's no reason I should scarf down boxes of cookies and packets of
M&M's, only to throw them up/laxie them out. Laxatives are so bad
for your body. I feel them taking a toll on me... and for that reason,
I'm done. For me, it feels like this eating thing is all or
nothing---either I can eat nothing (or just small portions) or
everything.
I don't know about you... but i'd MUCH RATHER have nothing.
I'm thinking about starting to smoke. Yikes I'll smoke now when I'm
drinking, and occasionally i'll have a cigarette during the day, but
I'm not sure I really want to start up seriously. What do you girls
think about this? I know cigarettes suppress your appetite... but is it
really worth it?
Anyway, I just wanted to let you girls know that I'm back, and hoping
to be in control again. I need all the support I can get. Cross your
fingers for me chicks! | | |
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So sorry I've been missing in action lately.
College life is crazy.
When I get some time, I'll definitely update 
LOVE YA, tay
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