|
| Shutting the kingdom of god in people's facesSo I have been home in Tucson, AZ for Thanksgiving. It's been nice spending time with family and friends. Yesterday I spent a good chunk of the day hiking and hanging out with my friend from high school, Erin. She is one of those people Paul talks about who is not a believer but has the law written on her heart - "Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, 15since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them." Romans 2:14-15. She even considers herself in some ways to be a Christian, but has never felt comfortable in the church. Some friends in high school invited her to their church, a big and popular Baptist church in the area. She went on retreats and trips and things like that. But always kids just hooked up, slept together, things like that (not everyone, but definitely many). Now after being in a relationship for 4 years with a guy who had a good idea what life was about but couldn't choose it over his immature friends, she wonders how to meet a guy who is actually what he seems. (because he seemed very mature and sincere and interested in more important things) Her mom says to try to meet people at church, but she is afraid of being judged at a church since she isn't baptized. What a colossal failure of the church that instead of being known as a place of love and acceptance where people can be honest about where they are and to learn about the journey ahead, it is a place known to be judging and hostile. One example that was really bad was she went out with a couple she was friends with and a male friend of theirs from church. He talked a lot about how religious he was but then that night assertively wanted to sleep with her and do all that is associated with that. She had to tell him to stop, and so what did he do? He told his friends that she wasn't religious enough for her and that's why he wasn't interested in her any more. Disgusting. Reminds me of the verses "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the kingdom of heaven in men's faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to." How can anyone who is already an outsider come to a place where that sort of behavior isn't questioned, perceived, or discerned? (or at least not enough) We talked about it some and she said that most people just give themselves the title of 'Christian' but don't do anything jesus teaches, or think about how their actions affect others. We talked about how in his day, Jesus' biggest adversaries were the Pharisees and teachers of the law, and how that corresponds to many Christians today whose belief is more about power or self-righteousness or unlimited forgiveness for whatever lifestyle they choose. Also that Jesus said that there will be many who call him "Lord, Lord" and even do some works in His name, but whom Jesus will not recognize or acknowledge. She expressed concern that there aren't many young men who think about God and spirituality, and what they truly mean. It just bothers me so much that the people who would really thrive and grow and find happiness and meaning in church are the very ones who are barred from most churches. Anyone who questions or is disillusioned with the church has to come in doubly an outsider (being a stranger in a new crowd, for one, and then already feeling different and estranged from the observation of hypocrisy). Then if they even have to deal with people who are really pursuing their own lusts (in the case of some guys). It's too bad I can't recommend a church near her where I know a few people or anything like that - never looked hard for a good church here when I was a kid. Kind of a hard thing to do. But it all brings up some questions of how to be the church, what forms church can take that are more accessible to people (house churches, small groups) or if church is such an intimidating place that multiple church folks need to get to know potentially interested people outside of church first. Afterall, in the Bible, most of the time the church reaches out to people and doesn't wait for them to come to church. A tall order, I know. Just a thought I keep in mind sometimes and hopefully will act on more... | | |
| Merton quoteHere's a Merton quote a like a lot and was related to a previous post...2 back, I think. Been reading that "Russia's Putin" book some more...it really is crazy all the corruption and violence and the allure of money there. Anyway, here is the quote, it's a bit long but it's good. "To find love I must enter into the sanctuary where it is hidden, which is the mystery of God. And to enter into His sanctity I must become holy as He is holy, perfect as He is perfect. How can I even dare to entertain such a thought? Is it not madness? It is certainly madness if I think I know what the holiness and perfection of God really are in themselves and if I think that there is some way in which I can (successfully) apply myself to imitating them. I must begin, then, by realizing that the holiness of God is something that is to me, and to all people, utterly mysterious, inscrutable, beyond the highest notion of any kind of perfection, beyond any relevant human statement whatever. If I am to be holy, I must therefore be something that I do not understand, something mysterious and hidden (I add: which yet we can still just glimpse through Christ), something apparently self-contradictory; for God, in Christ, “emptied Himself.” He became a man, and dwelt among sinners. He was considered a sinner. He was put to death as a blasphemer, as one who at least implicitly denied God, as one who revolted against the holiness of God. Indeed, the great question in the trial and condemnation of Christ was precisely the denial of God and the denial of His holiness. So God Himself was put to death on the cross because He did not measure up to man’s conception of His Holiness…He was not holy enough, He was not holy in the right way, He was not holy in the way they had been led to expect. Therefore he was not God at all. And, indeed, He was abandoned and forsaken even by Himself. It was as if the Father had denied the Son, as if the Divine Power and mercy had utterly failed. In dying on the cross, Christ manifested the holiness of God in apparent contradiction with itself. But in reality this manifestation was the complete denial and rejection of all (merely) human ideas of holiness and perfection. The wisdom of God became folly to men, His power manifested itself as weakness, and His holiness was, in their eyes, unholy. But Scripture says that “what is great in the eyes of men is an abomination in the sight of God,” and again, “my thoughts are not your thoughts” says God to men. If, then, we want to seek some way of being holy, we must first of all renounce our own way and our own wisdom. We must live by a power and a light that seem not to be there. We must live by the strength of an apparent emptiness that is always truly empty and yet never fails to support us at every moment. This is holiness None of this can be achieved by any effort of my own, by any striving of my own, by any competition with other people. It means leaving all the ways that men can follow or understand. I who am without love cannot become love unless Love identifies me with Himself*. But if He sends His own Love, Himself, to act and love in me and in all that I do, then I shall be transformed, I shall discover who I am and shall possess my true identity by losing myself in Him. And that is what is called sanctity." * (we love because God first loved us…1 John 4:19 or another translation, We have the power of loving, because he first had love for us.) | | |
| airplane encountersI'm flying back to DC today from a wedding (Elisabeth's brother, Michael got married) in LA and then business in Albuquerque. Both were nice and fun. On the plane today I sat in between two guys in the exit row - one had a large growth on his arm (large being a base the size of a dime and a height of the diameter of a dime but getting narrower farther away from his arm). It made me feel weird inside just to look at...must have been a little what St. Francis felt before he touched a leper for the first time and had that conversion experience. Anyway, just a random thought.
Then the guy on the other side of me was looking at some papers about a desalination plant in Texas. Turns out it's located inland for groundwater that is brackish. It's not nearly as salty as sea water but too salty to pass regulations for drinking water. Apparently the southwest has a lot of such water and it's an untapped resource. The tricky thing is what to do with the "waste" water resulting from the reverse osmosis procedure - it creates a waste stream of much saltier water that you can't just pour on the ground or inject underground. Thought that was interesting. He told me some about how he worked for a couple years after his B.S. and then went to grad school because that gave him a chance to figure out what he wanted to study and to do. He said it was hard to know what you want to do straight out of undergrad. It's always interesting to hear such things and how people go about making important decisions in their life. His company (his name is Paul and he's the VP of one branch of it) is building 3 plants in Phoenix as well. I told him I was working for the gov't/DOE and he was saying that consulting is more stimulating and innovative but that government work of course has much better job security. You have to work really hard in consulting and if you want to move up that will pay off, but it's still possible if you want to stay a bit more behind the scene, or 'in the backroom' as he said. I'm interested in environmental issues as well, so it was fun to talk about water desalination and ask him about how that works. Some countries are using nuclear power plants to provide the means for desalination (it is very energy intensive) and so I've been curious about it for a little while but haven't researched it much. He was also saying that there is a shortage of Masters' students in engineering and they have to go recruit people while they're still juniors to get them to sign on after they graduate from their undergrad even though they much prefer hiring people with their M.S. Interesting.
Then as we were landing a guy behind us saw the book I just started, "Putin's Russia" by Anna Politkovskaya, a much acclaimed journalist who was 'openly' assassinated about a year ago in Russia. It was fun to talk to him - he knew some Russian immigrants and they told him that Russia under Putin is much more like Soviet years and strict government/FSB (previously the KGB) control and influence. Interestingly, there are still lots of similarities between the Russian army now and what Tolstoy wrote about about 100 years ago. It added some valuable context to Tolstoy's writings and intense pacifism. He was so passionate about pacifism because he saw how much control the military held over common people and how horribly corrupt it was, and even supported by Christianity. Tolstoy's book "The Kingdom of God is Within You" is basically all about how important Jesus' teaching of nonviolence is and includes stories of nonviolent resistance to the military that are pretty cool. I was surprised though that there are so many similarities between the military then and now. I'll write up a selection or two from Politkovskaya's first chapter later. It's also sad that the U.S. doesn't really put much pressure on Russia about these things, although there has been some talk about how Russia is straying from democracy. Our media doesn't cover that in any amount of detail, though.
It was nice to get to talk to people on the plane...I've been stressed about thesis and it helped to put things in perspective. Still have lots of work ahead, though, and so I just gotta suck it up...
| | |
| Yikes! (REMEMBER THIS DAY)A little while after I got home, listened to a Tony Campolo
sermon/message while downloading smallville. Was "The kingdom of
god is a party". What a wonderful message! Focuses on J
preaching the reality and presence of the gospel, the good news of the
kingdom of God...it is within, it is here, it is justice...but it is
also a PARTY! Also theme of giving self to J, trusting him,
letting life be shaped by him, discipleship as different from merely
believing....TRUST and let God shape your life and give it its
path. Wonderful story of prostitute with birthday the following
day, Tony overheard this at a bar where the honolulu prositutes
frequented. Threw a party for them in coordination with the owner
and his wife. The woman (agnes) was of course shocked and amazed
and left to give/show her bday cake to her mother. When she left,
entire room was silent. Tony then asked everyone if he could lead
them in prayer. Afterward owner told him he didn't know he was a
preacher! (dialogue --->) What kind of church do you go to
anyway, hanging out at a place like this? (Camplolo) One that
throws parties for prostitutes at 3:30 in the morning! (Owner) No
way that is true. No way. Cuz if it were, I would be at a
church like that!
Message to give life to God but remember that it is a party. Also
great message on the poor, creating jobs for the poor (using church
buildings), on the nature of sabbath and jubilee. Jubilee was
about debt and the returning of land to its original owners (who
usually lost it to due debt). Criminals set free in jubilee as
well...the criminals were ALL debtors, cuz the murderers and people who
talked back to their parents, etc. were all stoned! (and not the
'hey dude' type of stoned...he's so silly. lots of good
jokes...seventh day adventist, presbyterian ones, etc. Sent to
ebeth want send to others and have them listen.) And listen to in
group here with NM and HMC church friends. And old HMC college
friends, too! Agnes story brings to verge of tears though.
(http://www.tonycampolo.org/media_archive.php and scroll down to
the "The Kingdom of God is a Party" one to listen or download...I put
it on mp3 player)
So then smallville was finished downloading and I felt a little guilty
or conflicted about watching it right after this campolo thing and how
it was powerful. But smallville was sooo good, and deals with
themes of redemption, facing fears, facing destiny. Was reduced
to utter simple genuine prayer afterwards. I feel a
destiny. I feel one of being transformed into Jesus' likeness and
love, I am full of zeal that I rarely express (but when it is!!!), I am
full of joy that I keep in (think of times longed to just jump and yell
and run around on chairs in church, the one time I went to a
pentecostal church and it was WONDERFUL...what an experience, Tony
Campolo and his story of pentecostal kids packed in lutheran church),
yet not long after these things and if I ever try to talk about them, I
am filled with doubt, with a certain (false) humility: 'how can I dare
to claim such things?' How can I talk about this divine destiny
that I truly feel but then feel my weakness, my sin, my longing for
acceptance and not even being 100% sure God completely accepts me and
is happy with me? How can these exist simultaneously? How
can I be so full of joy but so full of restless searching
---- How can these tensions not exist, I suppose! This
longing and desire to be brave, to lead, to speak more of things that
matter, but not wanting to seem like a do-gooder or 'Holy Joe' or one
bent on converting or one obsessed with Jesus (esp. when I am so
acutely aware of the bad image Christianity has and would likely be
judged on that first and not even on myself and my own
weaknesses!) It sounds so weird but smallville has had this
effect on me for awhile...clark grapples with his otherworldly destiny
(analog = divine destiny), faces denial, sometimes marvels in his
power, sometimes beats himself up on the inside over his failures and
limitations despite his awesome power, sometimes feels isolated,
alone. This is where my little superman talk in church came
from...clark's struggles with his powers are the same as humans'
struggles with God and His reality and our limitations. Clark's
powers come from without, an (effectively) eternal source, the sun
(Son) but clark is alone as a kryptonian. We all feel alone, but
we are not. God's power is open to all of us, God can transform
us all...and this IS explicit in the bible, it SHOULDN'T be something
out of the ordinary in a sense, it ISN'T something I should feel bad or
ashamed to hope for and desire and yearn for and struggle over.
And reading Tresor's email about his fiancee who was just beaten in
Congo and is now a refugee: he wrote in response to a letter of concern
I wrote him, 'just pray, and God will do the rest." Compare that
to my fear and anxiety over thesis, something which I truly hate - i
care nothing for it, it makes no real difference if i finish it, but
yet I must. Yes it sucks to have worked on something I did not
enjoy, to feel like I wasted time, to belabor over the possibility that
I could have enjoyed grad school instead of it being an ordeal
(although the overall period was still good due non-school factors) to
look back on ways where i could have spent more time with others and
been more free and spontaneous if i were happy and at peace about
school & work. This is all understandable when I search my
feelings and see how strong they truly are about this, but it is still
insignificant. I am still insignificant in the scheme of things,
and there is no way that any of this is irredeemable or damning towards
myself or my character, or destroying any potential to live a fruitful
life of love and service to God. How weak is my trust, my
faith. Yet, that sometimes horrible and sometimes beautiful
phenomenon - that at some times I know my faith is so strong, and that
God is so real, and that Jesus is everything I could hope for and more,
and really holds the key to happiness, the well being (physical,
mental, spiritual, economic) of all of us as we suffer and struggle,
and those of us who are oppressed and forgotten and neglected, those
who are lonely and feel without love.
Well, it feels kind of nice to put this all out there, even though it
is just on the internet. I will resist the idea that spilling my
guts on the internet is lame...at least this time  hehe
What am I going to do now? Go get a haircut.
| | |
| joke i read (warning, a bit graphic)A friend of mine is an EMT. One day he got called to the scene of
an accident. There was a person, crumpled up on the ground, blood
everywhere. In the course of his duties, the EMT got soaked in it
as well. (I mean, the guy looked like someone went after him with
a fork.)
So anyway, after this he realized his girlfriend was out of
tampons. So he went to a convenience store, bought some, and and
told the clerk his girlfriend needed them. The clerk was
mortified.
| | |
|
