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Sunday, July 06, 2008
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ok so i have fallen off the wagon big time
ever since i came back from my army training i've been eating crap and not exercising and now i'm back to 76kg again. that is where i started at the end of last year and all the muscle definition that i was staring to get from my workouts and all the military training is disappearing underneath layers of horrible disgusting fat i've come up with a plan to get myself back on track though:no eating after 6 pm.
cut out the junk food.
no more than 500 cals a day.
i must do my push-ups, sit-ups and running everyday to maintain my fitness for work.
start going to the gym again.
i'm starting this today, except for the exercise part because i'm sick and can hardly breathe at the moment
on a happier note, my 21st party is on saturday night!! and my two best friends are flying in from sydney and adelaide to come
i'm sooo excited!!! i can't wait to see them again! i haven't seen them since may and it's killed me!!! but soon they will be here and it will all be ok again for a little while stay strong and think thin and wish me luck with my new plan
Monday, May 26, 2008
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Find your mirror go and look inside. And see the talent you always hide
Your coffee's warm but your milk is sour. Life is short but your here to flower. Dream yourself along another day. Never miss opportunity (Opportunity - Pete Murray)
Hi everyone!!
Things haven't been so good lately. Been a bit depressed which means i've gained
I hate it that my two best friends live in different states! The closest one is in Sydney and thats an hour and a half flight away. The other is in Adelaide which is even further. I saw them when I went to Sydney a couple of weekends ago and I had the best time while I was with them, but when it came time to say goodbye i was absolutely devo. I'm going to try and go to Sydney again soon to see one of them because if i don't i won't see either of them again until my birthday in july and that is too far away.I have decided that today is going o be my ana day. I need to get myself back on track and start losing again. It sucks ass that whenever i get depressed i turn to food so i have to try to break that habit. I want to be down to 132 lbs by my birthday which is 14 July. That means i have to lose 33 lbs by then. the first 11 should be easy to lose because that's how much i've gained in the last couple of weeks, then i just have to work on the last 22. I'm going to cut my cal intake down to 500 cals a day or less and i need to start exercising again.
Stay strong and think thin!!
<3<3<3
THINSPO!!!!!!
Ana pep talk
So you are craving food right now, huh? What do you think you are doing?! Don't you dare go anywhere near food! Don't touch it, don't even think about eating it. What do you want to become, a fat cow?! I am your best friend, and if you eat, you are failing me and letting me down. If you eat, it shows how little self control you have. That pain in your stomach right now, that is me, and that is your fat melting away. When you feel empty, it means you are empty of your sins. Summer is coming. You want to be able to walk around at the beach in your bikini, don't you? You want to be able to walk around in your bikini with your flat, firm little stomach and your toned little thighs. You want to be able to run your hand over your stomach and feel your ribs. You want to go to the shops and see that skimpy outfit and know you would look damn good in it. You made a commitment to me. I am your life, your obsession. Don't break what we have. I will give you everything you want, but you have to give me what I want. And I want you to stay away from food. Go have some water. Go drink some tea or coffee. Or better yet, go to the gym fattie! Don't show me what little self control you have. Don't defy me. You know that if you go and eat right now, you will end up standing over the toilet, puking it all up until you see blood and water and your stomach is aching. You will regret eating as soon as those calories and fat slip past your tonsils and down into your body to that extra roll of fat on your stomach. You are going to get cellulite. You are going to look like a typical fat soccer mom. I can give you so much. I can give you a great body. Show me your control and I will show you a flat stomach. Show me you love me and can keep me a secret and stay away from food and I'll give you those shaped little thighs. Show me you can run until you drop and I will give you a cute ass. You love me. If you eat now and throw away what you are working for, I will hate you. And you know you will hate yourself. You have a meal plan, you have goals and dreams. Don't throw that all away. Don't give up what you really want, for something you want now. Don't eat fattie. Don't fail me. Don't eat.
DO YOU WANT HUGE HIDEOUS FAT ARMS COVERED IN STRETCH MARKS LIKE THIS LADY!?!?!? WELL DO YOU???
OR WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE THIN, PERFECT TONED ARMS LIKE THIS BEAUTIFUL MODEL!?!?
I KNOW WHICH ONE I WOULD PREFER!! I WANT THE THIN PERFECT TONED ARMS!! I DON'T WANT A HUGE FAT FILLED FLAP OF SKIN TO FLAP AROUND EVERYTIME I WAVE AT SOMEONE OR RAISE MY ARMS!!!! SO I'VE MADE MY CHOICE, WHAT'S YOURS??
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
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It's a cruel thing you'll never know all the ways I tried. It's a hard thing, faking a smile when I feel like I'm falling apart inside. And now you're gone, there's like an echo in my head. And I remember every word you said.
But you never were, and you never will be mine. No, you never were, and you never will be mine. (Robyn - Be Mine)that song pretty much sums up how i'm feeling right now. it sucks ass that i always fall for the guys i know i can't have!! i hate it so much! the guy i like right now is about 6'4", dark hair, the most beautiful blue/green eyes you've ever seen, and the most amazing smile and laugh and he is waaaay too good for me! plus he lives all the way down in sydney which sucks ass! i met him while i was away at training with the army, he was in my section and we were in the assault group together and he is the nicest man i've ever met. He remembers everything i tell him, like my b'day, how old my brothers are, all the different subjects i studied at uni, everything, all the things that every other guy has forgotten within 10 seconds of me telling them he remembers!!!!! plus we had a few d&m's while we were out bush and on piquet together and he told me to stay away from guys who are just looking for sex, to make them wait and that i'll soon know which guys are worth my time and which ones aren't because he said that I deserve a guy who's gonna really love me for who i am and other things like that. I so wish that i was good enough for him, i really do, but he wouldn't go for a fucked up fat girl like me and i hate that i like him, i'm so scared that i'll fuck up and he'll realise that i like him and it will damage our friendship. i truly dunno what i would do if i couldn't be friends with him anymore, i'd be totally devo! i'm seeing him next weekend when i go down to sydney and i'm determined to lose as much weight as i can before then!! I've got 10 days! I know what he would say about me being ana. he would be horrified and disgusted and tell me how bad it is. but he doesn't have to know. I can keep it a secret from him, even though he seems to know everything else about me. i don't want to but it's better than having him look at me with disgust and not want to be my friend anymore. i want to lose at least 5 kgs before i see him again. i can do it. i will do it. i have to.
intake:
milo (254)
chicken salad (<100)
poached eggs on bread (~300)
Outake:
purged eggs and bread (-300)
45 mins weights at gym.
10 mins cardio
+ whatever i do in pt when i go to the barracks tonight. if we don't do pt i'll be doing push ups, sit ups, tricep dips, lunges and squats when i get home.
stay strong and think thin beautiful girls
<3<3<3
THINSPO!!!!!
Ana Beliefs:
· I believe in Control, the only force mighty enough to bring order to the chaos that is my world.
· I believe that I am the most vile, worthless, and useless person ever to have existed on this planet, and that I am totally unworthy of anyone's time and attention.
· I believe that other people who tell me differently must be idiots. If they could see how I really am, then they would hate me almost as much as I do.
· I believe in oughts, musts, and shoulds as unbreakable laws to determine my daily behavior.
· I believe in perfection and strive to attain it.
· I believe in salvation through trying a bit harder than I did yesterday.
· I believe in calorie counters as the inspired word of God, and memorize them accordingly.
· I believe in bathroom scales as an indicator of my daily successes and failures.
· I believe in hell, because I sometimes think that I am living in it.
· I believe in a wholly black and white world, the losing of weight, recrimination for sins, the abnegation of the body and a life ever fasting.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
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I wish I was your favourite girl. I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world. I wish that my smile was your favourite kind of smile. I wish that the way that i dressed was your favourite kind of style. (Nicest Thing - Kate Nash).
Hey everyone!
This is my second xanga site. My last one was blackbeautybiker. I had to delete it cos i think my brother found it. He didn't say anything and maybe i am just paranoid but it's better to be safe then sorry if you ask me so i deleted it and made another.
Things aren't the same since i've been back. I'm restless and lonely without the rest of my mates around me all the time. I don't like being on my own anymore. All the old insecurities are sneaking back in, that little voice inside my head has returned and is telling me that I am useless and that I can't do anything and my friends aren't here to tell me otherwise. I had a pretty bad day yesterday. I binged. I was sad and depressed so i ate way too much which only made me feel worse and now i've gained and i feel like hitting something.
So far I haven't eaten anything today which is good. I'm avoiding the kitchen at all costs and later I will go to the gym to do a kick ass workout to punish myself for bingeing yesterday. I need to work on my self-control because at the moment i don't have any, so if anyone has any tips to help with getting my fat ass under control i'd really appreciate them.
Stay strong and think thin <3<3<3
THINSPO!!!!
if there is nothing to eat, don't eat anything. just because the crap is there staring you in the face doesn't mean you have to eat it. GET SOME FUCKING SELF CONTROL BITCH.
you wanna feel sick? you wanna feel like shit? then eat that crap. otherwise, get over yourself, get some FUCKING self control, and stop being such a big baby. food doesn't make you feel better, it doesn't comfort you. it doesn't make your sissy little stomach ache go away. it doesn't give you energy. it doesn't make you less tired. it doesn't make you happy. it doesn't fix your problems. it doesn't make everything better. it doesn't do your homework. it doesn't study for your tests. it doesn't make you immune.
it makes you fat. you may think that by being fat you can avoid everything but you can't. you can never avoid everything. there is always something that will be up in your face, pissing you off. being fat doesn't put you in a bubble. you still have to deal with life and all of its issues. except now you're a fatty, so everything that you think sucks, sucks even more.
it doesn't make you stronger. it makes you weak. and sick. and tired. and fat and gross and ugly. -
Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Xanga... Drop me a comment if you've got some ideas on what to do first - or just to say, "Hi!" :-)
anas_fallen_soldier
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- Name: anas_fallen_soldier
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 4/27/2008
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I'm 20 years old. I'm a soldier and a latin dancer. I love getting my hands dirty and haute couture. I'm so full of contradictions i'll make your head spin trying to figure them all out.
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