Currently Listening Tight By Mindless Self Indulgence Tornado see related

Update

I don't have much to vent about today. (*apocalypse*)

I just wanted to update everyone on my status.  Right now, I'm working 20 hours a week and nailing some general education requirements at Moorpark, a community college.  It's a lot of work. :P  I'm going back to UCLA in the fall, but they are way overbooked on housing.  I have no idea where I'm going to live.

My tumor's been growing, but for the last few weeks I've been feeling okay.  I'm tired and somewhat uncomfortable daily from my medications, but all's good.  Trust me when I say there's no need to worry.

Friend situation...now that's interesting.  I'm sorta kinda back together with Sarah, but not really.  She's with Mikey, and we're just kinda fooling around (they're swingers).  Things get so complicated when one is bisexual.   OH, but I found out that my ex-boyfriend is a complete jerk (not the most recent one.)  He cheated on me, I found out, and then told me that he was dating Sarah (my other ex).  Sarah told me that that was a lie he just told me to piss me off because I rejected him.  What a bag of douche.  Then my other friend thinks I'm shooting up meth...when I ironically have never done a hard drug in my entire life.  GAH!  Stupid fucking drama!

AND I'm going to an MSI concert this Friday.  I went to Static-X last Thursday.  ALL ENVY ME! >:D

Anyhow, that's the update on the world that is Lo.  I love you all! ^_^

Currently Listening A Cruel World By Bloodsimple Sell Me Out see related

My decision.

I've decided to break up with my boyfriend.  He's been saying some mighty...strange things. =/   That, and the physical attraction just isn't there.  Also, we're not very compatible, and our relationship was a huge strain on me.  I don't think I'll ever open up to him.  There's tons of reasons, which I don't really feel like typing out.  Funny...it only started on April 9.  I just wanted to say that it's over.

Currently Listening Sin City By Genitorturers I Touch Myself see related

Why am I such a bitch?

Okay, about my new boyfriend Diego...

I seriously need some advice here.  I LOVE HIM.  There's no doubt in my mind about that.  But I've been hurt a lot, and I mean A LOT, in the past.  I'm having trouble opening up to him.  I'm a horrible girlfriend.  He calls me, but I almost never call him unless it's to plan something.  He used to call me everyday, but then I asked him to call me less because I was feeling smothered.  He always wants to cuddle when we're together, and I never want to be touched.  I'm so fucking dysfunctional.  I do things like bake him cookies and ask him how his day was to let him know that I care, but it just isn't enough.  He's a sweet guy, and he deserves a girl who can give him the warm, nurturing love and support that he needs...and the physical intimacy on top of that.  Guys have forced things on me before (no, I wasn't raped), so whenever I get in a situation that reminds me of that, I feel like crawling into a hole.  My father is similar; he abandoned me as a child and has horrible intimacy problems.  I feel very guilty about this, but no matter how much I try, I can't let down my guard.  Could it be that I'm afraid of getting hurt again?  What should I do?

For him...

You tell me you'll wait forever,

Which is as long as you'll wait.

Rather, wait for hell to freeze over,

And you'll save a lot of time.

I know that you deserve more

Than the love of an iceberg.

But that love is all that I have

And it's also all I can give you.

If I weren't so damn messed up,

I'd give you all that you deserve.

I give a cold and distant love,

But I swear to you it's still love.

I love you, but I don't miss you.

Perhaps I am my father's child.

I would take a bullet for you,

Yet I wouldn't take a phone call.

It makes me sad to see you try

So hard to win my love.

Don't you know?

You already have it.

Currently Listening Candyass By Orgy Stitches see related

Yesterday...

Hmm....  Started out a very bad day.  I got some shitty medical news.  But theeeennn...

My mom was trying to cheer me up, so we went down to LA's little Tokyo.  Twas AWESOMENESS!!! O_O  I ate me some corn, miso, and bamboo shoots ramen, some ice cream with hot sweet red beans, gelatin cubes, and chi chi candy (sounds so wrong XD), some yummy gum, and mango mochi ice cream.  Then we bought all this stuff, including a book to help me learn Japanese, which I'm trying to do but failing miserably.  My mom spent like...$20 on me! *gasp*  Then my friend/boyfriend (?) Diego called me and was uber sweet to me. :3  I am making him cookies tomorrow.  My dad's spending some time with me today, which is fanfuckingtastic.

Yay funness! ^_^

Update as of 4/18: Diego officially IS my boyfriend.

omg my day wuz totally frickin crazy!!!  i lyk, went 2 the mall today, rite?  n there wuz lyk...a frikin 20% clearence at abercrombie, and i wuz all lyk...O...M...G... O_O and i lyk practikly bought out the hole store! i got, lyk, the perfum, and i sprayed it all over and i smeld pritty, and i wuz lyk soooo happy omg werds cant even expres. then i hung out in victorias secret, and i bought myself a pink training brassiere. i luv pinik!!!shift1!1 and i saw my frend and we wuz all lyk, "OMG, i luv ur shirt!" cuz we had the same shrit on!  hehehehehe!

so then i wuz walkin some more, and i look 2 my left, and ther wuz this black man walkin!  then i wuz all lyk, "OMG!!!  a negro!!!1" and i wuz gunna lyk, walk off and not give him any $, cuz we all kno negors r alwasy poor.  but then i thought 2 myself, "wut wud gahndy do?" i dunno...i think that guy was lyk...chineese or sumthing and stud in front of the tank. so i went up 2 the man and sed, "hay, wud u lyk me 2 buy you sum fried chicken n watermelon?" and he gave me this really nasty look, and i wuz lyk, "oh my gosh, wth?!"

ppl r so mean 2 me.  its lyk they dont undrstand how complex i really am. and i pretend to b happy, but im so much deeper and sad than u all kno. its lyk they dont understand how smart i realy am, and they all call me stoopid. so i decided 2 do sumthing.  im gunna go cut...with a spoon. i wanna make the guilt liquid. society wud except me 2 cut w/ a nife, so im gunna rebel cuz im a nonconformist. also, im getting married and moving to argentina. by every1

P.S. April Fools ye sorry bastards!!!  To clarify: I'm not racist.  I was making fun of racism.