have you ever wondered what people thought about you? what people really and truly thought, all pretense aside? in middle school someone told me he thought i was hideous in every way. in high school someone else told me he thought that i was really arrogant. i've been told that other people hate me.

i wonder all the time now what people are actually thinking when they talk to me. do they secretly dislike me? think that i'm too proud? rude? flirtatious? mean? i think back and usually can't find anything horrible that i've done that would make others think so badly of me, but then again, how often must i unknowingly display the same traits that bother me in other people?

maybe i shouldn't care what other people think of me, but i do.

and another thing: if i were to disappear off the face of the earth, how many people would even notice?