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| today was a very boring day.
i feel like i should've done more with it.
24 hours is a long time to do something productive or anything in general really.
whats the point in sitting around?
you can do that when you die.
deuce. | | |
| this good samaritan thing bites sometimes.
so there's this girl, i'll just call her Molly for now. So, Molly lives at home with her father, step mother and two younger siblings. she's the oldest leaving for college soon. her parents dont like her talking to boys. she's graduating in two weeks and has a full time job lined up at a local mall. molly is a good girl, very responsible... etc.
molly's parents kicked her out of the house today in the church parking lot after the morning service.
she had no where to go.
now, with a car for only two more weeks to get her through graduation she's staying at a church family's house until june 17th. molly is already enrolled at the local community college for the fall 06 semester and like i said has a job, but after june 17th she's got nothin. no car, no house... no one to stay with... although someone could possibly just stay and live in san antonio, go to utsa and give her a place...
whhyyyy do i feel like i've gotta fix things?
i went to baylor and after one semester, just a few months, completely screwed myself over. i've been playing catch up in my classes, financially and pretty much life in general ever since. i have the opportunity to go to a state university again, full time in a different city, away from the family crap here and get everything back on track... but now i want to stay here and help molly out. not to mention my brother will probably need help here again too.
growing up sucks.
so do decisions like this.
on a lighter note, i slept a lot today. it was beautiful.
and two more people told me i look like the rebel girl from the movie Stick It.
she's pretty and can do flips. i'm jealous.
deuce. | | |
| The Higheri found these lyrics. and i like them.
"I am watching over you from the stars,
Don't be scared, I know exactly where you are,
Cause there's a piece of me and it's burning in your heart,
Even death could never tear us apart"
... one day.
deuce. | | |
| question: ...more like a whole paragraph of a story then a question...
my little brother is a loser. and i mean every word of it. he's lost everything. respect towards and from people, all moral and ethical decisions are out the window and his education is a sunkin' void. i dont even know if he has a faith anymore. and that's without details. anyway, so last night he leaves school, doesnt tell anyone where he is and doesnt come home until about midnight -- the usual. when he finally does come home my parents have a little "talk" a.k.a. mom's drunk and asking what she did wrong as a mother while my dad is just standing there nodding and more worried about his work cell phone... basically my brother is blazed like no other. more than obvious that he's been out smoking and to top it off we can't find his zoloft (anti depressants). he probably sold that.
--here's where it gets more involoved.
my little brother hasn't done ANYTHING this year towards school, doesn't care about his grades... seems to think he can just snap his fingers and get in college. he IS going to fail his grade. he WILL be a junior in high school again next year.
tonight is the senior awards ceremony at his high school, one that he wont be at for another two years AND as of last week, he wont even be at that high school. he'll most likely be at the alternative high school and graduate as soon as he can; which ps: he's more than boastful about. anyway, so the awards ceremony is tonight and the lady that is the sr. sponsor lost some people to help out. she asks my brother in front of my moms desk. my brother is completely rude about it and says no because "he doesn't have anything nice to wear". bullcrap. just last sunday he wore this suit deal to show off his massive diamond stud earings he got (that my mom bought for him) after he pierced his ears against what my parents said. SO my mom pipes up and says that she'll find something for him to wear, implying that he will wear the nice clothes he has in his closet.
--the question is coming.
my mom takes him to the mall after school and spends over 150.00 on clothes for him.
why??
after finding myself in an irate fit, i tried to thing of the positive things that could come of this.
1. he'll have more than one nice outfit to wear for his court dates that he will most likely have in a couple of months.
2. with the clothes he'll be happy to show up to school. tonight anyway because he was just running around the house talking about how he looks like a pimp.
3. after his girlfriend possibly gets pregnant again, he'll need something nice to wear to the civil court "wedding" he might have to have.
4. maybe he needed to feel "loved", afterall money well spent on someone's clothes can have that effect??
and the reasons after that just get sarcastic. example: maybe she's just going to take the clothes back tomorrow... so he can steal the money out of her purse later on in the night to buy more weed and whatever else he does...
--okay the question.
should i still be this angry; that my brother has been completely defiant, came home stoned last night, and my mom still went today and spent over 150.00 on clothes for him? not to mention the 384 dollar stereo she bought for him about two weeks ago on his birthday after he pushed her when she tried to slap him for cursing profusely in front of her?
that's all i really wanted to know.
spurs are playing against the mavs tonight. go spurs go.
deuce. | | |
| woooooow.
so a lot has been going on. or at least it feels like it.
i quit darque tan, as did about four others... including the general manager.  wonder how thats going to turn out. in the mean time i'm cramming for this HUGE final i have on sunday. i kind of forgot to withdraw from the class and the professor didnt drop me. SO. i have 8 papers, 8 quizes and 10 chapters to read by 4pm on Sunday, which also just so happens to be the day/time of the final exam as well. --can we say stressed?
...just a smidge.
my little brother is getting in a lot of trouble too. it seems as though he's just given up on everything, but not in a sad depressing kind of way. more like a stubborn hatred anger kind of fasion. especially towards my mom who's done nothing more than tried repeatedly to save him. i've been praying, but i think this is going to be one of those "he's not going to learn until God punches him in the face" deals. I know God has opened up SO many doors for him and given him NUMEROUS chances to change his attitute towards life in general without any pressure or guilts... my brother just wont listen. we'll see where that goes. i have a feeling he's going to fall real soon. which stinks cause i wont be here when it happens.
thats right-- i'm going to be at San Angelo State in the fall... probably. at least today i will be. most know my choices and decisions change by the hour... haha.
you know... i miss the old summers. when i didnt have to worry about a job. the days were long and the nights went by slow. you could stop and appreciate the stars by the lake. with the kids from vbs, uc soccer, or zephyr (includes a boy with a guitar, bags of ice and such...). growing up isnt so much fun. oh well. one day when i get SUPER old, i can go back to old summers too.  haha i sound like a grandma.
deuce. | | |
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