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| I was just about to burn a Belle and Sebastian CD, to torture my parents in the car (they don't appreciate the music I listen to even though it's lovely) and remembered that the last time I made a B&S CD it was for the darkroom in school. I spent a lot of my sophomore year in there and, surprisingly, still did better in school than last semester when I didn't even take that class.
Hey.
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| I've had this account for so long, since 9th grade. I always want to delete it or just stop writing, but then I feel bad, it's sometimes fun to go back and reread old entries, maybe I'll save them all one day on my computer, or something. There's one good thing about having a paper diary, you're not dependent on the internet, unlike me, my whole life is the internet, it's the first thing I see in the morning, the last thing I see before I fall asleep, very depressing. It's my main source of communication, of knowing about the world. Whenever I'm bored I go online, and it seems normal but it's really not. I just spent the last 2 hours staring at a screen, reading useless things and doing absolutely nothing else. There's obviously more to do than sit here all day, even by yourself, but I guess I'm not creative, or not motivated enough to actually do it.
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| I think people expect more of me than what I can give, or more than I am willing to give. I don't know why either, because I've never shown anyone that great things can be expected from me. I've never done anything special or exciting or even remotely interesting, so why would anyone think I can?
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| List of things I have quit in the past two years:
1) Crew
2) Swim Club
3) B.S.S.I.
4) Physics
I want a sketchbook so I can draw stupid things in it, because writing stupid things is, apparently, not enough. Sometimes, I think I'm really bad in photography, I can't even get my stupid $122 paper to clean properly. Or, what am I saying, I can't even take a proper picture, let alone develop it. So I guess I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty bad at things I like (read: photography, math). I fit in with the other people before, the people who knew they weren't good enough and dropped these things before it was too late, now I'm surrounded by the people who really know what they're doing, and know that they're good at it.
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| I didn't write, my laptop broke, and now it's the end of the term and I'm on winter break and firefox 2 has spell check. Time flies...
Also, I really really like firefly, it's my new I-have-nothing-to-do-at-home obsession.
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