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Sunday, June 01, 2008

Take and Drink

What does it mean to take Your cup? When my hand, trembling, reaches out and grasps the stem; when I pull it close and smell the acid tang, I am filled with hope, and with fear. How can I drink? How can you offer?

You know what I am. You know what I've done. You can see my scars, and my tears. I've hurt You. I've betrayed You. I've worshiped other gods, I've been ever so unfaithful. O Jesus, I've lusted after others, and then I've gone to them.

I cry. My tears rain down my face, flowing into my hair, dripping onto the floor. I am sorry. I do love You. But as soon as You take me into Your arms I look away, the glint of another idol catches my eye.

You, my Redeemer, my Lord, come after me. You pursue, You wound.You stop my flight, but not from rage. You stop me with tears in Your eyes. You catch me in the wilderness, when I am alone; You catch up to me in the dry and desert places.

Then You heal me. You heal my of my wounds, many self-inflicted. You bind my heart. You wash me clean. You repair my clothes. Then, Jesus, You speak.

You call my Your daughter. You call me child. You allure me, You call me beautiful. You kiss my head and You take my hand, You lead me home by Your side. And You offer me the cup.

You make me Your bride. You paid for me before You offered, You paid my price before You knew if I would drink. And then You held this most beautiful and terrible cup out to me.

To drink is to be bound. To drink is to give up all control, to belong to another.

To drink is to die.

I drink.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Hiding out in Denver
JOY

Hanging out with Jadah in Denver, CO was an amazing way to spend spring break. From eating delicious Mexican food to riding the light rail downtown to having my first pedicure (which was great!) I had an exciting yet relaxing time. I caught up on my sleep, and read several books that I had sitting abound until I wasn't too busy for them. And I met Jadah's family- Lance, Dana, and Andy. I felt right at home.

SUFFERING

We just finished a 2 week class here on the suffering Church, the role of suffering in the Christian's life, and the theology of suffering (or lack thereof) taught in the Western Church. It was a hard class. I was pushed to think about my own views of suffering and pain and their place in my life. One issue that came up was the issue of humanism, of placing mankind, and our happiness, as the most important value in life. Clearly, this is false. However, I find my thoughts to be extremely humanistic much of the time, it's a worldview ingrained into us by modern culture from the day we are born. And the Church often promotes the same, urging people to get saved for their own benefit (You won't go to Hell!) or to live holy lives because of the good it will bring them (You will be blessed and happy!). We need to get back to the idea that God is the reason and the point, not man.

Currently Watching
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian [Theatrical Release]
By Ben Barnes, Cornell John, Damián Alcázar, Liam Neeson, Alicia Borrachero
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Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day!

You are an amazing mom and I thank God for you!
I love you!

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Tax Rebate

I think Dave Berry hit the nail right on the head.
Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Currently Listening
Have a Nice Day
By Bon Jovi
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Ministry Week

My Team

The past week was one of the hardest weeks of my life. Not physically and not mentally, I've walked more and thought harder. But it was an emotional and spiritual boot camp. I am drained and confused and struggling to process everything that happened. But I have to say that it was a wonderful experience for me and I don't regret it at all.

When we got to the church on Monday it had solid white walls-

and a messy basement, where they have a free clothes closet for the community.

When we left it looked like this-

And the basement-

We also went out and surveyed the neighborhoods and talked to people on the streets. I prayed a lot. I prayed on prayer walks through neighborhoods and on street corners with homeless men and in backyards of homes and sitting on the floor of the church with my team. I prayed for believers to be strengthened and unbelievers to come to Christ. I prayed for a woman to have success in getting her daughters back from the court system because she's sober now. I prayed that a homeless man would be safe while he was sleeping in the street. I prayed that my teammate would have a chance to give her Vietnamese Bible to someone (which she did). I prayed that a man will find the truth of Christ in the Bible and stop seeing it as a guide to Zen. I prayed for people whose lives I can hardly imagine living.

I also listened. I listened to a man from Cuba tell me about how he never knows where he'll be able to get food and how he's frustrated by food pantries because they do him no good, he doesn't have a stove to cook it on or a cabinet to keep it in. I listened to a veteran tell me about what he did and the men he killed because his country asked him to, and about the fact he can still see their faces and hear their screams. I listened to a man as he struggled to put words into a coherent sentence to describe how he's trying to come clean. I listened to people tell me about lost jobs and children taken away and addictions and pain and brokenness.

I prayed and listened and prayed and listened. That was my ministry this week. Yes, I spoke some. I talked to a few people, I shared with a few. But that turned out to not be my focus. My focus was seeing and hearing. It was realizing that everybody is a person. And I know that sounds cliched and trite, but wisdom can be very simple. I realized that I had never had a conversation with a homeless person before. I thought, somehow, that I had. I assumed that I had. I saw myself as a person who loved the poor and broken and cared about them. I've often thought about how I could help them but I never made the leap to actually doing it.

I realized that I am one of "those people". You know, the ones who talk the good Christian talk but don't have the actions to back it up. It was humbling to realize that I really don't want to help people if it's going to be uncomfortable for me or interfere with my life. I found fear in my heart, fear of people different than me. And I'm not talking about something trivial like skin color or education. I'm talking about people who are different, people who do not see the world the same way that I do.

I realized this week that I am the person I have always looked down on.

It is a humbling revelation.

I've done a lot of repenting this weekend and a lot of soul searching. This is not who I want to be. And it's been good. I'm glad that the school put us out there and let us get a taste of the reality we face now, while we are together and had each other to lean on. And I am thankful that, though it hurts, God is maturing me and showing me my heart because I know He is willing and able to change it.

Currently Reading
Gods Smuggler
By Baker Publishing Group, John Sherrill, Elizabeth Sherrill
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Want to help?

I'm heading to Norway this September to work with Jesus Church and Jesus Revolution. I'm incredibly excited, this is a wonderful opportunity to serve Christ and further His kingdom! But in order to go I need to raise some support for Bethany International. I would appreciate your prayers that God will provide that money, but if you feel like He is calling you to help here's how--

By Credit Card:

Login to http://secure.bethanyinternation.org/donate
There you will find a secured online form. At the "Designation" select the option "Specific Missionary: (Please specify below)" You can then type my name in space provided.

You can also place a credit card donation by phone by calling
952-829-2527

By Check:

Checks should be made out to Bethany International, please do NOT write my name anywhere on the check. Instead, enclose a note requesting that the check by used for my support needs.
Checks can be mailed to:

Bethany International
6820 Auto Club Rd, Suite J
Bloomington, MN
55438

If you would like to give by direct deposit (using an electronic funds transfer) you can go to-
http://www.bethanyinternational.org/pdf/bethany_etf_form.pdf
You can print that form out and mail it in to the address above.

Thank you for your help!