Currently Watching 7th Heaven: The Sixth Season By 7th Heaven see related

Summer Adventures

My first summer in the real world has been one of travel with my limited vacation time.

I started off going to NY...well really New Jersey. It was a church trip really for our dance troupe. They did well but did not place. I got to see the Statue of Liberty for the first time. I also got to briefly catch up with friends and former pastors.

I then went to visit my family in PA for a weekend. There was also family from Iowa there too. It was a fun weekend. We went to my family's church for their Annual Strawberry Festival. Delicious food and a chance to see some people from the hometown. It was good to see family I haven't seen in 4 years as well. We went out to Olive Garden on Saturday night. On Sunday, I went to mom's church with the rest of the family. We picnicked outside at home and then I got ready to go to my home in KY. It was hard saying good-bye. It's much easier to be in a place where one is rooted and established. I haven't been in KY too long but I haven't reached out much either. Before, I left we went to visit my dad's grave. I cry every time. Although most days I feel like I have learned to go on without him being there, there are still days when I don't. Most times it is simple things that I know he would have liked to be a part of or even remind me of him. Every time I hear a classic rock song especially one by Boston, I am reminded. But there are so many important things that He won't be able to be a part of either. The big one on the mind is my wedding...not like I'm in a serious relationship but being around those that are make it easy to think about. I know that I can't worry about it. Especially being that I am very single at the moment. But I do know that God knows that it the role of the father at my wedding is very important to me. And who knows what will happen to fill that gap...at least somewhat.

This July 4th marked 4 years since my dad's passing. Time has really flown since I was 19. I am a college graduate, working my first real job. I feel a little older and wiser since then. I still miss his precense but thank God for what He has done during a painful, heart-wrenching time. And not just in me but my mother as well :) I kept myself pretty busy on the 4th. I didn't want it to be a blah day. I wanted to feel like I could enjoy the 4th. My father never was one for tears and moping anyway. I didn't sleep in and reported for duty to the corps at 9 am. I helped run our LemonAiD stand as part of the day's festivities. I then met Mrs. A for a quick meal and to find our spot in the parade. I played timbrels :) Quite fun...yet hot at the same time. After the parade, we rode back to the building in our new canteen...it's pretty sweet. I hopped in my car, drove home, showered and changed. I randomly had an opportunity to have dinner with two friends from college. It was a blessing to eat and talk with them. After dinner, I hung around home...fixed my hair. I wanted to look special too. I managed to drive back downtown to see that fireworks. It was a nice moment to see the show and be around people that I see the most frequently now. And I felt like I remembered my dad. I ate a Buster Bar from DQ. It reminds me of him.

After the 4th...I calmed down a bit but also got stuck in a funk. I don't know how to explain it other than this:I was realizing that it's not all about me anymore but not wanting to admit it. Changes have been going on around me. People I counted on to spend time with were more focused on their relationships than me. Changes at work had me feeling like other's were more important than me. It stung. And I was not me. I was consumed with wanting something to be about me. I wanted to be in a relationship, I wanted the better office, I wanted someone to feel sorry for me. And then, God showed me a memory. It was a skit I was in, The Me skit. The memory showed who it really was about. And it wasn't me. While that hurt. I wanted to be stubborn and not make a decision. I stayed miserable. And finally...I decided to stop fighting it...but accepted it and decided that I have a choice to make. A choice to stay focused on me. Or to focus and make my life a priority of God first. So...I'm starting over. I felt like me for the first time on Friday. After a month of blah and complaining...it felt great.

While the summer is closing in for KY (school starts in a few weeks here) I have VBS starting on Monday...this will be quite the adventure. And on Saturday, I will also get to go to King's Island!!!! I am pumped for this as I have never been and it is one of the places on my list to go to before I leave the area.

Currently Reading Jesus: 90 Days With the One and Only (Personal Reflections) By Beth Moore see related

Over a month later...

I have not been very good about posting on a regular basis. That being said...updates from March to current.

I love my job to begin with. My co-workers are great and I continue to learn something new each day.

I went to PA for Easter to visit my mom and brother. It was a good weekend :) I got to dance at the Sunrise Service to "He Lives" by a group I believe to be called Transmission. After Easter, I flowed back into work. I attended Youth Councils in the SWONEKY division and finally outed myself as being called to be a pastor in the Salvation Army. I have known since 2003 and stopped avoiding and fearing it in 2006. Since that point, I had only told a select few about my calling. I will soon begin the application process for the 2009 session.

My other recent but big news is that Jennie (my roommate) and I moved to a new and larger place. We certainly moved on up from the old place. Our new home is a Townhouse. I have my own bathroom and it's in my bedroom. I've never had anything like that before! We also have a washer and dryer so no more coin laundry!!! We have a standard kitchen equipment but were thrilled with having a pantry for our dry/non-refrigerator food. We have turned the dining room into a shared office space. There is space in the kitchen for a breakfast nook. We will eat other meals there too of course. We have a wood burning fire place that separates our living room to create two spaces. The second space is smaller so we have turned it into a den to use a quiet time place. Lastly, we have a porch area to use. I will be able to plant sunflowers there for the summer :)

I did get a little sick after we moved so I don't have everything unpacked yet. I hope to have everything taken care of by the end of the weekend. And to have pictures posted on facebook soon.

Other news is that I started a tutoring job this week. I love working with kids one on one. And I'm able to use my work building for the two days a week I tutor the girls.

That's pretty much all that is going on...other then a renewed sense of my passions and dreams. My deepest desires that lie deep within me. The things I barely dare to mutter aloud to anyone. My devotion this morning talked about the power of God/Jesus and how the things I deem impossible are not beyond His power. The things I don't have a clue as to how they will happen. Jesus has the power. That isn't to say that everything is going to happen in a snap. It's just to say that Jesus has amazing power to do anything imaginable.

Currently Reading Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith By Anne Lamott see related

Currently Speaking...

Currently Reading Infidel By Ayaan Hirsi Ali see related

Best Friends

This morning I woke up thinking about how many times in my life I have used the term best friend in reference to a good friend I had at the time. Thinking about who filled the role as my best friend over the years...I am slightly sad to say that several of these friendships have slipped to the wayside.

In reflecting upon my childhood, I had two guy friends both named Joey. They both lived across the street from me but one was closer than the other. We would always be at one another's homes, playing games, and riding big wheel's down hills. In the winter we would go sledding. Joey 1 moved away and as I grew older Joey 2 and I went our separate ways. He used to irratate the world out of me at our bus stop in the morning. Either his smart mouth got pine cones and snow balls thrown in our direction or he would tattle on me to the busdriver b/c I was finishing my breakfast on the bus...and we weren't allowed to eat on the bus. Later on when we were in high school we became close friends again...and that lasted until my sophomore year in college. Since then, we talk occasionally.

Next, in middle school, in particular 7th grade...Melissa was my next best friend. We hung out after school, and that summer, I was always at her house. It was she who introduced me to The Salvation Army. However, our best-friendship was short lived. We were no longer best friends by 8th grade. She became friends with someone else and "liked" her better. I of course was crushed. But I persevered and moved on.

In high school Melissa and I became aquaintences, Tasha (that other girl from 8th grade) became a close friend, Colleen introduced me to Linkin Park, and Tasha, Colleen, and myself seemed to always be at Missy's. Those were some great memories. High school is also when Camp Allegheny entered my life as a place of employment. It was the summer of my 9th grade year and I met my next best friend. Frannie was persistant as I was not interested in being friends with her period. However...her persistance won over my resistance. And we became quick friends. Our friendship has had some bumps over the years and we've both done our share of hurting each other. But I truely hope I never lose Frannie as a friend. I have learned much from her.

In college, I met several people who eventually earned the title friend. I didn't meet someone that I wanted to use the term best with until I met Rachel. She was so different than me. She challenged me, encouraged me, broadened my movies I've seen list, and ultimately I became a better person emotionally, spiritually, and socially. When she graduated from college and moved back to her home state, I was really sad because I knew things would be different. I still consider us to be friends...and I hope that she feels the same. I really want to be able to visit her sometime this year. The next person, that became a close friend to me was my roomie in college, Lauren Halsey...we shared some incredible times in the dorm and the apartment. When Lauren graduated...Morgan and I started to become close friends. I treasure our friendship immensely. She is gold, precious, and true. She's a constant encouragement and she let's me call her L-Dub.

In reflecting over these friendships my life and who I am has benefited by who I have chosen to be friends with and who has crossed my path. These are only a few of the people that have blessed, challenged, encouraged, and loved me. I may use the term best friend loosely. Some people believer there is only one best friend and that's it...but I see it differently. There have been best friends for each major chapter thus far in my life. The only one consistant through all those chapters...no matter how little I knew at times, is of course, Jesus.

Who are your friends? How have they blessed, challenged, encouraged, and loved you? Think about those friendships that were only meant for a season. There was purpose in that relationship. There is purpose in all our relationships no matter how short or long they last.  

Currently Listening Tell Me What You Know By Sara Groves When the Saints see related

Learning to be Content

I don't have a favorite book of the Bible...picking a favorite anything is hard for me. It's almost easier for me to pick my least favorite. And it's loads easier deciding what I don't like and why. There are intriguing stories in the Old Testament. The names where I guess how to pronounce them, and there's an air of mystery in the later books of the OT...especially the writers who are considered to be prophets. The NT gospels reads much like a story and are very familiar from all those Sunday School classes. We get a history lesson in the early church. Paul writes a lot of letters that are filled with truth and encouragement. Plus there are some other letters written by believers. And the NT ends with the much debated book of Revelation. All in all, there isn't much to dislike or even get bored with reading the Bible. And although it is difficult for me to pick favorites...in the NT I highly enjoy the book of Philippians. Perhaps because it is such a joy filled letter that Paul writes.

This morning someone who prays for me on a regular basis sent me an e-mail mentioning Philippians 4:11...I didn't happen to have a Bible handy but I looked it up on www.biblegateway.com (a great reference). And as soon as I read the verse, it struck a chord with me. Paul is telling the Philippian people that he has learned to be content whatever the circumstance. I have not learned to be content whatever the circumstance...but I am learning. I feel like I have learned in the past in specific circumstances to be content...but an overall, whatever comes my way, I'm still working on. 

For me, I set a high bar of expectation for myself. And sometimes I carry my expectations over to other aspects of my life. Which when the expectation is not met...leaves me feeling disappointed and even hurt. I guess what I'm trying to say in some complicated manner is that I'm learning that everything doesn't have to be perfect or all together to be content with life. I think I've convinced myself that everything has to be just so now that I'm finished with school and out on my own. Which is not what has happened. I do have a lot going for me though. 

1. I have a roof over my head and a bed which allows for restful sleep.

2. The apartment is heated, which is a blessing in all this cold weather.

3. I have materials that enable me to cook and provide food for myself.

4. I have the added comfort of entertainment through cable TV and DVDs.

5.I have a job to go to that provides income, which allows the above to occur.

6. I have a mode of transportation that works well.

7. I have access to a public library...one of my favorite places :)

8. I have friends.

9. I am prayed for and cared about.

10. Most importantly...I am loved by God...and it is He who has provided everything for me.

Looking at that list really makes me shudder at all the complaining and moping I've done lately. Yes, I have been a little lonely and feeling like others have not had time for me. But I'm truely blessed. And I've been faced with a harsh reality that I have not made time for the One who is my soul (or sole...I see it both ways) provider and loves me more than anyone on Earth could. The One that has gifted me and repeatedly blessed me...the One who has answered my many prayers.

It's time to get out of the rut of un-met expectations and un-realistic beliefs of perfection. I'm ready to progress from learning to learned...at least until the next circumstance comes around.