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| | should i stay or should i go?it seems like this song has rolled through my head a few times in the past couple of days, due to a couple of people bringing it up in jokes. if i stay there will be trouble, if i go it will be double. that's kind of how i'm feeling at work now.
i ebb and flow 50/50 every single day on whether or not to go back to my workplace in the fall. i'm so tired of doing school stuff between 6 and 7 days a week, at this point i don't really care about 'best practice' all that much if it means that i can manage what's going on and my kids are having fun learning-and can demonstrate that they're learning. i don't care if we have PD after school, and i don't care if we have cluster meetings in the middle of the instructional day every other tuesday to look at extended responses and bla bla bla. but i'm starting to sense that there's some opportunity for change at my school in the fall.
i'm told my a few key people there that our head principal won't be returning in the fall, he's already got a foot in both jobs-principal and director of AUSL. so, i think our principal intern=who's awesome-might be taking over. i feel like because of how the place was run like a tight test-prep ship this year, there's a chance to humanize it a litle more in the fall. that's what i feel like ed would bring to the table if he's the principal.
there's also a possibility of working with another awesome teacher in the fall there, in 5th grade. this is the first year that i haven't had a strong grade-level partner to work with whom i've just learned tons from. and it's just simply been really hard to transition from a neighborhood school to a place where everything is just stricly academic, kids aren't supposed to go to the bathroom without an adult escort, every child's supposed to have weekend homework, and the list goes on.
i feel like sometimes, God keeps you in the places where there is the most opportunity for you to learn how to depend on Him, where you are stripped of everything you thought you are good at or do well, or are competent enough to run on your own. sometimes it's in those places where it's just so hard, that all you literally can depend on to keep it together is Jesus and His promises. "These things are impossible for man, but all things are possible with God." "I will never leave you or forsake you." "I knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb." "If God cares so wonderfully for the lilies that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't He more surely care for you?" I have to challenge myself all the time and ask, 'If I were still at Chase, how deeply would I understand these things now?"
there are a few schools where there are great opportunities. Ravenswood's getting a new principal in the fall, and I'd love to work there. Funston's just down the street from the building that New Community (my church) is buying, and all the area schools plus LSNA want New Community in the neighborhood. i know that if i stay, God will work and bless me and remain active in my life, just as if i left in pursuit of another workplace. josh has told me to sit down, sit still for a minute, and make my list of pros of staying, and pros of leaving, see which list outweighs the other one.
why is it so hard to make big decisions? as humans, why do we worry so much that we'll make a decision that's outside of God's will? why do we feel like changing jobs and discovering we don't like our new place means we're locked in for life? a few of my friends back in tennessee are quitting teaching, and i kind of want a break and to jump on that bandwagon :), but at the same time...i'm not tired of teaching. i'm just tired of how things are being done where i'm at. so like i said-i feel like there's an opportunity to 'humanize' it in the coming year.
that's all. any thoughts or wisdom to share, please send it my way. i have to let my supervisors know in the coming weeks if i'll be returning next year or not, and when i think about saying 'yes,' i think about the fat bag that makes me want to cry because i'd rather be spending time talking to my husband, or taking photos again, or doing anything besides working all the time--because the bell curve is always going to exist, no matter what No Child Left Behind wants, and no matter how badly Illinois allocates funding for and structures how it does education.
Good night, all. (I don't say any of that nearly as creatively as Garrison Keillor-if you'd call it creative?)
**I forgot to mention that the teachers at work, including myself, voted 30-1 in favor of a Track E schedule next year-meaning we go back in august, have 2 weeks off in october, have 2 weeks off at Christmas, then have 2 weeks off at spring break, and i think there's another break in there somewhere too. i also want to stay partly just to try that out and see if i like it. at this point, it's being presented to the paren ts to get their input, but we're told by our asst. principal that the ones she's spoken to are very receptive.
**Leroy tried to eat my egg this morning. there were little punctures in the yolk after i came back from the bathroom, not 30 seconds after i'd set the plate on the counter. unbelievable. he's going through the cat version of the terrible 2s, i think...
 | | | Posted 2/19/2008 9:40 PM - 1 comments
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