| | how do you create the culture of a school?i just looked at some photos tonight from 6 years ago when I was a Summer Fellow here for chicago public schools.
that summer, i was sort of 'apprenticed' to a master teacher in Hyde Park, and the kids we were with were the most awesome, colorful kids ever. i was sorry to have to leave them to go back to classes that fall.
seeing their faces made me wonder where my passion for teaching has gone down the drain this year. is it because of the workload my school wanted from everyone? (btw-i hate, abhor, detest, and despise the word 'rigor' now. if you know me personally, don't ever say it in my presence). is it because of the emphasis they put on standardized testing at this place? is it because i had to leave the school and students i grew to love for 3 years? or is it simply because i'm turning into a lazy, impatient, crotchety old teacher at the ripe young age of 27? i just don't know if i have it in me to do it for another year...and the sad thing is, i am just now fnishing year 4.
i've spent this whole past year demanding so much of my students and of myself. i feel like i know my students this year not even half as well as the kids I taught at Chase for 3 years. granted, looping with a class for 3 years will accomplish learning a LOT about children, but i feel like i've somehow completely ignored the personalities and stories of my students this year, instead replacing that interest with 'close your mouth in the hall' or 'hands up,' or better yet, 'the next one to interrupt me has a silent lunch.'
school culture i think is a big part of my problem. i turned down a job
at a turn-around school where i was offered leadership opportunities
among other teachers, a) because i'm not ready for that, and b) because
they are reconstructing the culture of a school from scratch. COOL,
right? but maybe not so cool if you're like me and are seeking ways to
have a separation from work taking over your whole life. i've pulled
stuff this year that i haven't done since my first year of teaching,
because of such a long list of demands, ongoing initiatives, and more
parents than normal who want to know instantly when their child's
grades drop below an A. (irritating!-it happens). (sad case in point-i
dragged home 17 math journals last night b/c i'm severely short on math
grades right now. that's what happens when Young Authors and Science
Fair are all jammed into the same 2-3 week time period, and throw in
Learning First tests. the result? less authentic, consistent grading
and routines, and more stress over not managing everything well).
i HATE the rigid culture of the school i'm at now. maybe i HATE the way i have to enforce their rules. maybe i HATE the way kids are expected to perform, perform, perform, and if they aren't smart enough yet, perform some more. HATE is a strong word. but so is rigor. so is teacher burnout. so is juvy. so is drop-out. so is performance. somehow, as related to Chicago's screwed up public education system, thesewords are all linked together in my head, and i'm struggling to understand how i still fit into that picture. 2 years ago, i knew exactly why i was still in the job and what i wanted to get out of it. now, my husband has a hard time drawing out of me where my passion has gone.
i'm ready for a change. God only knows what i need at this point, other than a break. *
**to all of my friends who have hardly heard from me this school year since last September-i'm sorry. i will be calling you soon. :)
(this was a year full of less questions and doubt) : /
|
| | Posted 5/7/2008 8:25 PM - 1 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- give stars
- votes0
- email
 - sent0
|
