so forget everything that you have heard
love is just a hoax


anointedXlustre
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Country: United States
State: Pennsylvania
Metro: carlisle


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Member Since: 4/19/2005

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Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I still hate you.


Sunday, January 01, 2006

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand. 
I hope you find out what you want. 
I already know what I am. 
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again. 
And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am. 
I'll grow old and start acting my age. 
I'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate. 
A crown of gold. A heart that's harder than stone. 
And it hurts a whole lot, but it's missed when it's gone. 

Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. 
I'm glad that you can forgive. 
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget. 

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of the state. 
You can keep to yourself. I'll keep out of your way. 
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down. 
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out. 
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room, 
when I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds. 
So call it quits or get a grip. 
Say you wanted a solution. You just wanted to be missed. 

Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. 
I'm glad that you can forgive. 
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget... 

You are calm and reposed. Let your beauty unfold. 
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones. 
Spring keeps you ever close. 
You are second hand smoke. You are so fragile and thin. 
Standing trial for your sins. 
Holding onto yourself the best you can. 
You are the smell before rain. 
You are the blood in my veins. 

Call me a safe bet. I'm betting I'm not. 
I'm glad that you can forgive. 
I'm only hoping as time goes, you can forget.




Thanks for what we had. When we had it.


Monday, September 26, 2005

Why the fuck would you want to help me? Why in the fucking hell would you want to help me? And why did you not want to until now? Don't let your cursing and sudden, shockingly serious words go to your fucking head. You never wanted to make anything out of me. I know you didn't have that intent. And I wasn't blaming you for breaking off contact from me, in fact I encouraged it considering you only wanted to continue it because you wanted to WIN. Life's not serious to you, it's all a game.
Don't fucking talk to me about life when you're the one blessed with the things I want. Don't fucking talk to me about what and who I am when you've known me for a week, and seen me for two whole days, two god damn days. Maybe I can't take back the things I said, but fucking get off it already. I don't know you, you don't know me, and neither of us ever will, maybe we should keep it that way. And maybe she did those things to you for a reason.

You can't walk into a bitch like me's life and expect everything to be running exceptionally smoothly. Not to mention how I claimed how unstable I was? Look at me. I've got flat tires, broken glass and I'm running on an empty tank. And don't pretend like you care when in reality you don't because what are you going to do when things get thin again? You're one of those people who stay to soak up the good times and immediately mysteriously disappear the second a storm's predicted, because you can't just patiently wait it out or find yourself a fucking umbrella. Oh no. Rob is the definition of a true friend. He allowed me to mend things with him today, and I can't wait until I talk to him again. And people I have yet to thank and show what it means to me to the extension of my love include Beth, Rob, Rie, Alex, Candie, Nate, Jessica, Mcguire, Alyse. You guys are of the rarest breed, the most delicate kind of treasure. Whether I've talked to you a couple of times and still haven't used your number, well I will eventually, and that time might be soon. Whether you've been there through the cold and the vague and the arid all of this time and I never saw you past the cloud of internal conflict. Whether you have words to say which I actually dispel my stubborness to devote times of freely used thought to. Whether you have yet to know why I'm thanking you, you will soon enough; and when you fall, if ever you fall so brokenly, I will be there to catch you.

To Greg; I didn't feel right not including you. I will never forget you, for the good, and the bad, and all the love you provided. You've done a lot for me. Maybe you can't stand the sight of me, or maybe you long to take me driving in Vegas. Whichever it may be, just know that words from a friend this past Saturday helped me realize that I unfathomably believe in you, and I trust you no matter what happens. And I know of this thing in my heart telling me that it isn't over yet... in the years to come, possibly someday I'll show you that it can be a beautiful thing.

To you whose name this coward refuses to speak; baby, sometimes it just rains.


Thursday, September 15, 2005

Currently Listening
Make Up the Breakdown
By Hot Hot Heat
Middle Of Nowhere.
see related

Dear world. I'm sorry. Hope may not be enough. I have no idea what I'm feeling for you. How did we get here? Why you? A curse. But I loved you. After all the pain. I want you more than anything. Hurt and angry. I try. Regrets? Guilty. I can't make you love me. These things I want to say. To the man I thought I loved. I hope I never see you again. Over you.

An apology. I still love you. It's not me. Gone. The pain of separation. This doesn't change a thing. On the back of a book. In the way. Unreciprocated love. My biggest mistake. You don't know how much I will miss you. Best day of my life. Still in love. I wish. I hope you knew. I want you but I don't know why. What was. The truth. I hate you. So long since you left.

Who are you? Touch me. Why... I'm an idiot. Wait for me? For you to understand. I should have... I know I said no regrets... I'm sorry little one. What I should have known. I'm so sorry. I just want you to know. The day I met you... the day I left you. Please get help. You never completely left, and I hate you for it. Don't wait.