Fractions speak louder than words

I'm here to speak about a grievous issue facing our nation today. The very idea of what I'm about to relay to you is corrosive enough to degrade and humiliate the American way of life. I'm writing this to try and convice you that mixing is more dangerous to the sanctity of marriage than the marriage of gays. The mix evangelists begin rearing their ugly heads once our nation's youth enter the third grade. They'll try to tell us that they aren't trying to recruit our children to their way of life, that they're simply educating them about the different kinds of unions out there. The problem with these mixed couples isn't so much the way they violate our society's valuse as it is the fact that they flaunt it. A mixed couple isn't ashamed in the least bit to be doing the devil's dirty work.

4 5/6

They don't care that they have an integer in with a normal fraction! What's worse is the mixed agenda. With their "Mixed Eye for the Integer Guy" show and their absurd public spectacles of misplaced pride in parade form, our honest, American unions are being depicted as improper. Listen now, my father was "improper". His father was "improper". They weren't improper in the slightest. They took what life gave them and they made a good life out of it. If you want to call them improper, then be my guest; all you have to do is tell them to their faces.

29/6

My grandpa carried that larger number on his back throughout the Depression, and damn it if it didn't make a man out of him. My father carried a smaller number than my grandfather, but it prepared him for the turbulent times his generation would be faced with during Vietnam.

So, go ahead, tell them that they're improper for the way they were raised. Just keep this in mind whenever you flirt with the idea of mixing.

Untill next time, I'm cool enough to be measured in Kelvin. Stay lucid, Xanga.

With respects to the Geto Boys

Damn it feels good to be a xangsta
Commentin' the poor and helpin out wit they bills
Although I started off on Friendster
Now I'm on the Xanga makin' deals
Damn it feels good to be a xangsta
I mean one that you don't really know
Ridin' around blogrings with a Klique-pimped theme
Pressin' keys on my Comm. six-fo'
Now xangsta-ass playas come in all shapes and colors
Some got shut down in the past
But this xangsta here is a smart one
Started bloggin for the crowd and I'll last

Word

Absurdity

If one thing imagined can not be,
Tis this - absence of absurdity.
For countless days and nights we may
Consider, contemplate and weigh,
And still find sight of knowledge blurred -
No muse of truth has yet been heard.

Say what you will of thinker's thought
With their convictions neatly wrought -
I see but flaws in broken flow,
But never one who truth did know.
As jesters they will prance, fall, rot -
Not truth but waste is human lot.

They cry, 'Where will I find you, Truth?'
And shed all decency and youth,
And by false means, and by means crude,
They sigh, surrender, and conclude,
Then feel themselves as ends achieved
Simply because they false conceived!

That truth is not had ne'er occurred;
That all that is, is but absurd.
There will be those who such will speak -
These men my writing lives to seek;
The sages who will have preferred
That truth be dead, and life absurd.

You know, I enjoy your poetry about as much as I enjoy a kick in the bollocks

....You're a lot nicer when you're sober, you know that Italics Man?

Aftermath

Maybe you blew things up with regulation fireworks to celebrate the anniversary of America winning a fight which we had, by all measures of reason, no business winning. Maybe everything went fine. Maybe you got to keep all of your fingers. Maybe you followed the laws regarding legal firecrackers.

Or maybe you had fun.

I was at a gathering of friends when I learned something wonderful; sparklers can be used to make something cool. Yes, sparklers, the firework novelty thing that'd been deemed tame ( i.e., lame) enough for everyone from toddlers to the mentally disabled. Who would've thought that something worthwhile could come out of such a gay blend of color and flaming magnesium?

Behold, the sparkler bomb!

Now, generally you're supposed to use a much more ridiculous amount of tape than the above specimen. By adding dozens of sticks worth of flaming magnesium (each burning at approximately 4,000 degress Fahrenheit) and compressing te flame with tape, you create an absurd amount of energy in a tiny enclosed space. The result is an explosion as the flame and sparkler-demons try to escape the tapey dungeon.

Result - Agent Wilhelm is missing his eyebrows and arm hair while also suffering the same fate as Agents Sculder and Coco. Agents Sculder and Coco have second degree burns on their hands. Wilhelm isn't having a good day, is he?

Next came the tried and true cherry bomb.

Cherry bombs were banned nation-wide in 1966 by the CPLs, but, really now, when has that ever stopped people from using them?

CJ, cherry bombs are dangerous! Many people have had their eyes put out by them. Hell, a lot of people have died using them! I can't believe you'd do something so reckless.

Damn it italics man, I'm just trying to report on their usage. Besides, it's not like I used them.

Guilty by association!

....That's enough out of you.

Anyways, cherry bombs are classified as illegal explosive devices in the United States. While mainly being regulated to the task of blowing up toilets and mailboxes, the cherry bomb (homemade and illegally purchased alike) continue to be popular with the firecracker fiends. Pro-tip: Be prepared to have a good excuse as to why your hand/fingers were blown away. The doctors at the hospital won't be amused by your story of "firecracker fueds"

Result - No serious injuries, but Agent Wilhelm did lose part of his pinky. He'll live.

Finally, we come to the grandaddy of all firecrackers. The M-80.

Many firecrackers at your local stands claim to be the infamous M-80, but don't be fooled. They have nothing more than 50mg of flash powder, about one quarter of the punch a legitimate ear ringer packs. M-80s were banned in 1966 along with cherry bombs, however, the ATF made them totally and completely illegal in the 1970s. Talk about overkill.

If anything, the ban has made things even more dangerous. Where you once had trained professionals filling specially made casings, you are now faced with the prospect of wielding a high explosive made by your drunken Uncle McHeywatchthis after he guestimated the amount of flash powder to use. Add in a couple of drinks to your cannister containing between 200mg to 1 gram of powder, and you've got one hell of a cocktail.

Result - Myself and Agent Skippy have just recently gotten over partial hearing loss. Agent Brownie nearly lost his foot when he stepped on a lit popper. Luckily, it was a dud....sort of. When Agent Wilhelm kicked it into the sewer for safe keeping, it went off big time. So, technically, Wilhelm* had a close call as well. Oops?

Let's hear it for celebrating our nation's independence by blowing things up!

And remember Xanga,

July 4th posts

Seems a lot of people are doing posts about America, whether they be heartfelt and srrious or absurd and funny. I'll be jumping on that bandwagon by breaking one of my posting rules; I'm going to link to a video.

Instead of me going on about what I think, I'll let Penn and Teller do the talking.....or, at least I'll let Penn.

LINK