SERMANNETTES

Desiring Peace on the Journey of Autism

“Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.” (Psalm 34:14)

In some ways, it’s been easy with Natalie this week and some ways, it’s been hard.  She is on a huge anger streak, not so much that she isn’t going to camp next week (she’s staying with her grandma), but that I am going to be with “him” (meaning Dan.)  She doesn’t want me to be with him or near him.  She doesn’t want me to talk with him or sleep in the same bedroom as him.  This can create such tension at home, especially if I accidentally forget and show affection to Dan with her nearby.

She has been this way, off and on, for several years.  This has the potential to greatly strain Dan’s and my relationship, but fortunately, we have found tricky ways around it and ways to out-maneuver her.  So far, our tricks are working.  The greater desire is just that she would make peace with her dad and we could all be in the same room together without her screaming, getting angry, having a tantrum, or lunging at me.

I have been trying to pack for camp all week.  Anytime she hears the word, “camp,” she gets angry and hurls words of insult at me.  How dare I leave her and go somewhere with “him?” 

I just want to survive and get through the next two days until she leaves for her grandma’s house.  I just have to cope since I am the object of her anger.  Her anger seems to stem from two areas: Dan’s protection over me, which leads to severe jealousy.  She is angry because Dan is stronger than her and will protect me from her, guarding against her hurting me or being able to touch me as much as she wants.  She then wants nothing to do with him and becomes jealous anytime that I pay attention to Dan.

We keep her occupied with the computer, with DVDs, or holed up in her room with Nancy Drew books, with the intention in mind to keep her unaware that Dan and I are interacting.  Usually, this tension is only present when Dan is home from work, but lately, it has been all day and especially when she hears any mention of camp.

That she would make peace with her dad is one prayer that isn’t getting answered right now.  I ask that you would continue to pray for this on behalf of our family.  It’s an overwhelming request.  For her to make peace with her dad means that she no longer can touch me whenever she wants to.  To take this away from her is taking away a part of her autism that is stamped indelibly into her brain.  It would have to be a God thing, for only God can heal the brain.   

No Longer a Widow

“…but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.” (Psalm 66:19)

About two months ago, Dan told me that he wouldn’t be able to go to camp for the whole week this year, but only for the weekend.  He had gotten a new boss at his summer job at NASA, who was a bit more “strict” and Dan wasn’t sure that he could get the week off.

My first reaction was to be upset.  We do so much apart because of Natalie.  We take turns going to church every other Sunday and we can’t go to events together unless we get a caretaker.  Here, he was telling me that on our only family vacation, he could only come for the weekend.  I didn’t want to be a camp widow, a mother who cares for her brood at camp without her husband.

My second reaction was to calm down and accept it.  If he couldn't go, then he couldn't go.  I have done plenty in my life without my husband and I would survive this.  I saw within myself, that I needed to be submissive to the decision that he made regarding camp and just accept what he was telling me.  Yet, deep within my heart was this longing to be at camp with my husband.

My third reaction was to pray.  If Dan couldn't go to camp, then I would just pray that his boss would let him go.  We didn’t know up until last week that YES, his new boss said that he could go!  I was thrilled for this answer to prayer.  I wouldn’t have to go it alone at camp!

This might seem like a small thing to you, but it wasn’t to me.  God saw my heart and my desire and He answered this prayer for me!  God was so good to grant me my request!  I praise Him for His loving kindness to me!  I am one THANKFUL wife today!

Computer Withdrawal

“And when he (Jesus) had sent the multitudes away, he went up into a mountain apart to pray: and when the evening was come, he was there alone.” (Matthew 14:23)

Our family’s main vacation each year is church camp.  Camp is a time to get away from your daily routine, having a week without having to cook or do laundry, a time to grow in the Lord, and a time to reconnect with your friends.  It used to be a week spent APART from the world without radios, TVs, computers, newspapers, or a connection to the outside.  It isn’t that way anymore.

I have noticed, that while at camp, people update their facebook, write on their blog, and send emails.  Having camp on a college campus means that the library is open each afternoon for you to come in and reconnect with the outside world.  Camp no longer is a time to be APART from the world, since the world is available each day through the computer.

Bombs Away!

“Then Moses left Pharaoh and prayed to the LORD, and the LORD did what Moses asked: The flies left Pharaoh and his officials and his people; not a fly remained. But this time also Pharaoh hardened his heart and would not let the people go.” (Exodus 8:30-32)

Well, we did it!  Last night, we set off Raid Deep Reach Foggers in the house, small smoke bombs to kill the little flea critters.  In order to do this, we had to leave the house for four hours while the foggers did their work.  My mom took Natalie, while the rest of us, who didn’t have other plans, ate out and saw a movie.  Dan came home early from the movie to ventilate the house, while I went to pick up Natalie.

This method is not one I would recommend to others, unless you have tried everything else and the fleas are winning the battle.  Natalie was very out of sorts from being out of her comfortable environment for five hours.  The cats were also out of sorts from being put out of the house and in cat cages in the garage (so they wouldn’t be indoors breathing in the fumes.)  The one cat hated it so much that it banged the cat carrier enough to loosen all of the bolts except one, so it could escape!!!

We came home about 10:30pm, having to put all the beds and bedding together.  I wasn’t prepared to see so many dead insects on the basement floor.  I guess they all fell out of the rafters where they were hiding.  The older I get, the more I hate insects, so this whole flea thing has given me the shivers.  This isn’t the end of the battle, as we need to fog again in a couple of weeks to kill the next set of hatched fleas.

My mind keeps going back to the ten plagues of Egypt (as found in Exodus chapters 7-12):

The water turned to blood,
Frogs overtook the land,
The dust became gnats,
There were swarms of flies,
The livestock died,
Skin was covered with boils,
Hail destroyed everything it fell on,
There were swarms of locusts,
There was darkness, and finally,
There were deaths of the firstborn in each family. 

Knowing Your Enemy

“Watch out that you are not deceived…”  (Luke 21:8)

I spent a lot of yesterday reading about fleas.   I am pouring over any material that I can get my hands on, learning how to rid our house of these pests for good.  I am learning about all the four stages of the flea and how to kill them at each stage.  Yeah, I got to get to know my enemy if I am to defeat him!

There are a lot of things I would rather be doing than learning about the life cycle of the flea.  Yet, I got to get to know my enemy if I am to defeat him!

When I was young, I remember hearing a preacher say that we shouldn’t spend time learning about the evil one, but should concentrate on learning about God and the evil one would be taken care of.  I followed this reasoning for a while, but as I got older, I realized that this preacher was wrong.  You have to understand the evil one in order to have victory in your life.  You have to know that he is out to get you, that he is a liar and deceiver, and learn to recognize him in your life.  You have to learn about spiritual warfare.  You got to get to know your enemy if you are to defeat him!

Yet, the good news is that is already defeated!  He knows his end and where he is headed!  “The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray.” (Revelation 12:9)  He is working all the harder to distract believers from the truth and to keep unbelievers from hearing the truth.  “He is filled with fury, because he knows that his time is short.” (Revelation 12:12).  Wake up believer!  Be alert!  Learn about the evil one and pray like you have never prayed before!