apparently xanga is cleaning out accounts that haven't had a post in a while... so that's why I'm posting.  I feel like other accts/sites should do that periodically.  my username is usually taken these days.  who the hell else would use ardemus? 

so 3 years of med school is already over.  the time really flies.  I'm getting old and still haven't found what i'm looking for. 

24 WPM today.  still typing QWERTY mostly.

I went home for Thanksgiving for the first time ever.  (during high school it doesn't really count cuz i'm not really going anywhere since i'm already at home!).  anyway... things are really shitty at home.  interestingly... i had an inkling that this would happen... i wrote in this journal entry from 9/20/2005:

"I’m still undecided about going home for thanksgiving.  I guess it would be nice (cuz during Stanford I never went back!  =-O  but it equals about 30 hours on the road.  Ick.  And we only have like a few days off!  I think I’d be fine here… but it would definitely be nice to chill for a while at home too.  Who knows… it could be bad though, with my parents fighting all the time."

and yes... lo and behold... i come back on wednesday at 1PM... we immediately had to take my dad to the ER... my mom and i stayed with him there the whole night.  then on thursday he was able to stay at home.  then... on friday (today) as he is feeling better, he sent my mom out in person to drive over an hour to his work place to tell them he's sick.  he just HAD to have her do it.  NOOOO a phone call wasn't enough.  and unfortunately, whatever my dad wants, we have to do. 

then in the evening MORE FIGHTING.  i wasted my whole night because of that.  he always criticizes and blames people around him (my mom, me, my mom's brother, my mom's parents, etc).  this wastes about 3 hours of our evening.  he'll bring up things that happened 20 years ago!  for instance, when i was 1 year old or something, my mom's parents weren't able to baby sit me or something and he blames my mom for that.  stupid shit like that.  and the sickening thing is, this has been going on for as long as i can remember.  as a kid, i would have to hide under the covers of our 1 bedroom apartment, as my parents fought for hours.  always my dad having mental problems and depression and just blaming other people for his own misfortunes.  ugh, he is just so infuriating.  he needs to go see a psychiatrist, but he won't because i guess chinese people don't like to admit to having mental problems. 

i'm fine b/c i'm away at school for most of the year, but i just really feel sorry for my mom having to bear with this.     ugh.  i had a really really really REALLY  REALLY terrible thought tonight, which i secretly told my close friend, but i shouldn't post it here. 
yeah, you can probably guess what it is. 

ok that is all.  thanks for listening.