It's been 8 whole months, at least that's what im seeing here and there's so much to tell so i guess i will try to minimize the details n get the so-called "jucy" bits down

Back in novemeber of last year the week of thanksgiving just after getting back after vacation here in the states i found out that my boss wanted me to leave the army. Two bosses above him said sure BUT we're gonna give him till march to prove that he wants to stay in, if not oh well let him go he's just one small guy.

Due to wat i thought was a huge support system of my family back here at home, feeling alone, and a blossoming long distance relationship I craved leaving more than anything. On top of which I had dealt with so much BS from the past year of being in korea, i was finnished-completely burnt out of bull, n orders, n sticks up asses, n attitudes just b/c - so i didn't really want to stay.

So as March hit, I had not made the effort to stay and so they sent me home. As time continued on I was getting more, and more excited to be coming home to the man who i thought i was going to spend the rest of my life with. Approx. 6 weeks after flying home to spokane (which is two hours away from hometown Kennewick.) Due to many different things/situations/problems etc I was dumped and kicked out with no where to go. Still to this day i don't completely comprehend everything that happened.

So i called my parents to come and get me, the saints that they are they did and they took me in.

This is it for right now, The week before father's day to the new job @ the begining of sept will be in the next issue.

Well i figured it was time for a change - something seriously needed to fit how life is nowadays. Things have gotten so much better, and life is really, really good - and i have a feeling that's it's not gonna change anytime soon - my first ever entry of xanga was pretty good but, i wanted to edit and re-submit it to what's happening now in my life - Hey You Tiz - did u know that u're my one and only? well if you had no clue, which i'm sure is a complete laugh, this is my first dedication to you - and i can't wait till you inspire me to write that romance novel i've been thinking of writing when i come back home to live life with you.

"I have traveled down the valley of doom, through the shadows of doubt, climbed the mountains of fear, and made my way through the forrest of death. But i have survived to tell my tale, i live to profess what i know, and give hope to those in need. I see the clouds part and sun shines for those who stand tall in their faith for the truth shall be their light. My passion leads me strong and the music guides my feet. I eat the riches which i have made and die to share with those who are dearest to me. I watch the wall at night to see the shadows fly around in a dance.
i swim in the clouds and find myself awake in my bed. i breathe the air of love to only realize it is the song on the radio. I kiss sweetness only to be shocked it is food and not my love. And in the end i hope that what i dream is my reality and my reality is my dreams. Before i know where i am or what i am doing i shall be there with my love, living life as it should be lived.

I was lost and with the notion of hope & with the sound of music, they both have lead me to this, now, which is my path. That path which takes me to my search for the one for me. But the hope fades and the search has ended for I have found my prince, my dream, my inspiration, my life, my love, my eternity. I now know who he is, I know that he wants the same for me. Hope is no longer a neccessity, but an old dream. Love is the reality now.

I will say this though, every day i think of something else that i need and it leads me everyday back to the same answer. He tells me things that destroy my fears and I die everyday because i know that i have found what i was searching for only to never have the fear of losing him in the end.  My love and it's depths for him keeps me alive, it drives me again, and again. I get scared that i'm too quick, and the time is not right. But the strength of my heart and love keeps me going. He's made all the difference and beyond to make my day a better one, each and everyday.

I no longer hope he's there in the end, in a tux with a red rose to ask me to dance. I no longer hope he's there when i grieve. No more do i long to be held to show that there is still good in the world. I am willing to give everything up, not just for a lil, but for everything. I want to make him as happy as i feel and even more for love knows no boundaries and he has my heart. There are times i go numb, cause he makes me laugh uncontrollably and giggle on the spot - the smiles flow like wine in rome and my love is neverending. How was i to know that what i am feeling was a reality. I did not know this until i met this man, who has the key to my heart.

He makes me feel young and alive like i should be, and no longer old, and trapped. He, he is the only one i know of that can make me free to swim in the ocean and breathe the air.

I see him and he smiles at me, and i know i make him happy, i cry cause this joy has never been known to me before. i only hope and pray that he walks to me and ask me to stay. that nothing will ever hurt us, nothing will ever break us apart, and that we go into a new world filled with new experinces of life and love. all the passion i feel leads me to the knowledge that he is the man i have dreamnt of, who hold me and puts his lips to my neck, makes me feels secure and is there when i need to be refreshed from the troubles of this world.

I see those days when i'm tired and i can't do it anymore, he greets me when i come home, he's put little effort into making me happy and all it takes is flowers, our bodies in our bed, him holding me and giving me love that i need, food for my soul (fetticine alfredo) a movie and nothing but along night of sinking deeper in love with this man who holds me and we are not found in the sea of blankets until the light of the new day.

How many people in this world can say they are content??? Honestly? Not everyone is so lucky to find that one person they are supposed to spend the rest of their life with. To share every single detail and facet of life. To be able to smile and laugh for no other reason than that they are in love and are loved if not equally back but then with heck of alot of passion. Daydreams are not just daydreams any more they are the ideas of the future - the ones that will be real in only a short while, and while hope flows from hearts that this man will be shared with the same and equal amount happiness that i feel with my family all i can say is that i dont care if they don't. Cause you're mine and i dont need anyone's approval except for yours my dear love, and i'm sorry if no one shares our joy except us - you're getting me at the best point in my life, and it only gets better from here on out cause you have me and i have you  It can get better than this, cause i could be there with you, but when the day happens i dont think it can get any better than that.

i hope you read this my man who i do love; i know for a fact that you love me as much i love you. I am grateful for knowing how this feels and nothing more, I am so thankful that i am what you want and need, and in the mean time until we meet the thought of you helps keep me strong when the days are slow and seem like everythings going wrong, the thought of you makes it all worth it - especially the end result of us on the couch with the dog on the hardwood floor, that grand piano, a blazing fireplace and snow falling outside which we see through OUR windows. I Love You - your ~I.B.~