can someone please direct me to the book that contains all the answers to life's questions?  because i am in dire need of it.

omigod...

how do you know if you really like someone, or are just very attracted to them because your hormone levels are abnormally high?...how do you know if what you're feeling is just a crush, or being in lust, or being in love?

...i'm in a major dilema right now....

there's this boy at my youth group...who i've been crushing on for a while.  since last fall.  but i've barely talked to him.  he's kinda shy and has his own group of friends.  but i've caught him smiling at me and watching me a lot...and so have other people, so he might like me.  and from the little i've talked to him, and seen him interact with his friends, he's a really sweet guy.  we like a lot of the same music, too.  and he's a skater, and plays the drums...which, ohkay, is a real turn on for me.

but i don't really want anything to happen right now, because i'm really confused at the moment, and i still don't think my heart has completely healed yet from two years ago...

the reason i'm confused is, there's this other boy, at school, who i have one class with.  we've started hanging out together during lunch, too, which is the period right after the class.  we usually have history projects to work on, and sometimes we just talk and stuff.  it's been really nice having a guy friend again that i can just talk to and hang out with...and well, i kinda like him too, like, have a bit of a crush on him.  and the thing is, i've built up trust with him.  i know i can trust him where it counts.

and trust is a big thing for me now...i gotta know i can trust the guy before i open up to him, let him have my heart...



but yeah, i've been thinking, i really don't want anything else to happen.  like, first of all, my parent's kinda don't want me dating again until i'm in college.  they just don't want me going through all that heartache, and they don't want to have to deal with heartbroken me.  second, like i said, i'm crushing a bit on both of them...which confuses the hell out of me, because, like, can you really like two people at the same time?...third...my life's just too crazy right now, with school and everything, to really have time for one.  and also, i'll be a senior next year.  which means college right after, and there's no way i'd change where i want to go to college just so i can be with my boyfriend.  and i wouldn't want my boyfriend to change colleges just so he could be with me.  and, come on, how many high school relationships last into college, barring all that?  i don't want to start becoming really attached to someone, only to break up....and also...i don't know if either of them are Christian or not, and if they are, i know it most likely wouldn't work...i may not be Christian anymore, but i don't want to drag them away from what they've chosen to believe.


but now it seems like something's going to happen anyways, whether i want it to or not.  i've had the feeling the guy at school's kinda liked me too...and today a friend of his took me aside and told me so, because the guy is kinda in a fix because of it.  oh yeah, did i mention he had a girlfriend?...yeah, he does.  and see, he's crushing on me.  but he doesn't know if i like him back.  and he doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend.  i'd say if you're crushing on someone else you're already hurting your girlfriend by stringing her along, no matter who you're crushing on, but...*sigh*...oh yes, and did i mention he's also in the 10th grade, which means he's about a year younger than me, in a grade below me?...*sighs again*

so yeah.  i just want to stay friends right now.  i'd like to be friends with the guy at youth group, just to know him better...but, gah!  i  think something's already happening there too.  i ended up telling his best (girl) friend that i liked him.  she already had guessed it, but i said something in conversation about stuff bothering me and i ended up telling her later.  so yeah...

but, several people know at youth group now, and not all of them are very good at keeping secrets. and i'm not so sure how much i like him now...i don't know!


it's all really confusing and i'd like to just sleep and forget it all and wake up and be back in the time when the majority of my friends were guys and it was cool hanging out with them and that's all we did.  now, it's like any guy i talk to a lot or hang out with, starts liking me.

...and, not only do i not want to be hurt again, i also don't want to hurt anyone.  i've already broken a few hearts, and i don't like it.  it hurts me when i end up hurting people, even when it was unintentionally. 



so yes, any and all advice would be welcome.  please!!!!

hell yeah!  i can't help but be!  there are too many things to do on the internet.  movies to watch, music to listen too, games to play, and most importantly, friends to keep in contact with.  i can chat for hours with friends.  the instant connection to almost a hundred of my friends is addictive.  i have friends all up and down the west coast, in all three states.  to be able to talk to Rachel in Oregon, my Auntie Keiri in Washington, and Martha in the central valley, all at the same time, is pretty crazy.  the ability to create a virtual social situation at any moment--wow.

i'm an extreme extrovert.  i love being a social butterfly.  i get depressed when i'm not around a bunch of people, hanging out and talking.

at the moment, i'm surfing the wonderful world wide web with my new MacBook.  it rocks, the internet rocks, life rocks.


long live internet addicts!!!!

   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

You Should Be an Artist

You are incredibly creative, spontaneous, and unique. No one can guess what you're going to do next, but it's usually something amazing. You can't deal with routine, rules, or structure. You're easily bored. As long as you are able to innovate and break the rules, you are extremely successful. You do best when you: - Can work by yourself - Can express your personality in your work You would also be a good journalist or actor.

You Are 64% California

You're so Californian, you belong in Hollyweird.

You Are 74% Non Conformist

You are a pretty serious non conformist. You live a life hardly anyone understands. And while some may call you a freak, you're happy with who you are.

You Are 77% Indie

You're a very indie person, and admit it, you look down a little on people who strive to be normal. You'll indulge in a little mainstream pop culture every now and then. But for you, anything not indie is a guilty pleasure!

Your Love Type: INFP

The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship. For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive. However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ

Your Fashion Style is Urban

You've got a style all your own... and it works Not too trendy, not too freaky - you've got streetwear down to a science You always look cute and put together, but keep it comfortable too You're the type of girl that creates trends and inspires others to be funky

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Honest, real, and well liked. You're not limited by any boundaries. "And you can call me crazy But I think you're as lazy as white paint on the wall"

You Are Amy Lee!

Gothy, expressive, woman-in-pain Who looks damn good in a corset "When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears"

You Are 56% Emo

You're not emo, but you're plenty thoughtful, unique, and even a little angsty.

Your Inner Eye Color Is Blue

You've got the personality of a blue eyed women You're intense and expressive - and always on the go You've also got a sweet, playful side - which draws men in

You Don't Need a Man ... or Want One!

Generally, you're very happy being a single woman. And anyone who has a problem with that... well, that's there problem. Not that you wouldn't share your life with the almost perfect guy. You simply won't settle though. Your life is too good to share with some substandard man!

You True Love Will Maybe Find You

But it's going to be tough! You're not really around to find. You really need to get yourself out there if you're expecting to find love. Go somewhere (anywhere!) new from time to time. Or if you're really shy - at least join a dating site.

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are lively, dramatic, and flamboyant. You have an outrageous personality... And you secretly resent anyone who makes you tone it down. Underneath it all, you are driven by your need for attention and acceptance. You need to feel special at all times. You are secretly jealous and occasionally insecure.

White Chocolate Mocha Frappuccino

One of a kind and forward looking, you're the first to introduce a wacky new trend to your friends. And even if your ideas seem weird, they get adopted pretty quickly.

Your Inner Color is Blue

Your Personality: Your natural warmth and intuition nurtures those around you. You are accepting and always follow your heart. You in Love: Relationships are your top priority, and this includes love. You are most happy when you are serious with someone. Your Career: You need to help others in your job to feel satistifed. You would be a great nurse, psychologist, or counselor.

Your Average American Name Is...

Laura Nicole Allen

You Are a Tiny Tease

You like to flirt and show off your body, but what confident woman doesn't. You enjoy male attention, and you're usually pretty good at not leading men on. However, there are times when you get carried away with your sexy behavior. It's okay to use your amazing flirting powers for good - but never for evil!