getting up at 4 am is really a pain in the culo. i got three hours of sleep with a headache before and after my precious dreams, and i had to pile into viv's car and drive to the beach in the dark and cold. it was around 50 degrees, so it was chilly, and we had to walk around slimy rocks for two hours and check out the wildlife. my idea of fun....or actually it was mister cook's. sheer dedication to class. i best get an A.

The world is so crazy, and such a small place. it seems like everyone I know has a connection with other random people I know, and every time I discover one of these incidents, it completely phases me. Yesterday I was chatting with Elise (ELOISE, Elsie :D) and when we brought up going to senior prom LAST year, I told her how bored I was and how I met some random guy and we played cards until the stupid thing was over. “cody’s his name.” That’s all I said, and a big light went on inside of Elise’s head, and it turns out she’s known him her whole life. Sounds stupid when its all typed out and being read, but seriously, these things can be trippy.

            Schools almost over, graduation is JUST over the hill, and screaming at me to hurry up and get there. De Anza for two years sounds so blah when pretty much everyone else is pushing off to San Diego, Santa Barbara, Los Angeles, Davis, and so many other places…someone is even going to Stanford. When I’m done with my general ed and ready to transfer though, at least I can say I got the same exact education as people at a UC for my first two years, and I paid only 1/10 of what most other people are. Wish I had access to the local bank…

            School starts, which mean getting a job, and opening a bank account (yuck…), actually saving money, and driving all over the place. I’m going to miss everyone, this whole thing about not being legally  forced to go to school anymore is weird….a new chapter of my life is starting, and a whole buncha people are just moving out of my life for a long time, maybe forever, in just a few months…it will definitely be a wake-up call. Just like not realizing that every year in high school counts and translates into a ticket that shows where exactly you will be the next four years of life.  

            I know a lot of people who aren’t doing pretty in junior college. This motivates me even more, gotta get myself out of the big hole ive dug for myself, and push my hardest. BAM, Derek I’ll be sending you my grades biotch :D

sex. everyone talks about it, many people do it. its a huge deal. people do it to display thier emotions, thier love, lust, excitement, or need for affection or pleasure. sex during marriage has no limits, and is accepted by everyone as normal. premarital sex, on the otherhand, is quite controversial and debatable.

in my art class, everyday includes some kind of sexual conversation, but it tends to be more ronchy among the guys, if we even get a chance to listen in. curiosity and plain human nature take thier places, and the conversation picks up with questions for the experienced sex-fiend, and exploration of the details. to talk about sex is normal; to not bring it up would be abnormal, and would almost be pushing back something natural, which could create quite a freak-a-leek, in my opinion.

anyways, getting to my point. i have friends who have had sex, ive had boyfriends and relatives who have had premarital sex. i have not. but i do have an opinion. my thoughts on this matter have clashed a lot with other people's views, and thats okay. for one thing, premarital sex is damaging. although results and consequences may not be pregnancy or STDs, because those can be somewhat prevented, emotional pain can be much worse. my cousins are stuck with millions of kids, while they work at dairy queen and date fat ugly men to earn money. i have friends that suffer because they gave away thier virginity last year to thier significant other, who they are no longer with. jeeze guys, thats the farthest you can go. when you have nothing left to give, how do you make your next relationship so special? no matter how hard you try, you just cant top sex.. so do you do it again? i have no clue.

one last thing. loving someone is awesome. being loved is just as great. but being with someone who has had sex comes along with complications. for one, you feel like you can't measure up to thats ex girlfriend or boyfriend, and you want to be better, specialer (is that even a word?!), and no matter what, you come to teh conclusion that you can't be that unless you too do the nasty. hop in the good foot. another thing is that if you don't believe in premarital sex, but your partner has already given in to it, it is hard. clashing ideas on sex can make a relationship and its boundaries difficult. not only that, but it can cause weird tensions, and major disagreement.

being a teenager is tough. but whether you like it or not, no teenager is quite responsible enough to handle sex. it can bring children (and the possiblity of abortion...wanna kill your kid to save your ass? talk about future guilt issues), disease (lets all share crabs! or not....) and it can cause emotional distress. tell me, is an orgasm that important to you?! if your answer is yes, then all the power to you. be careful kids, its a dangerous world out there.

i just watched the weirdest movie ever. im home alone and it sucks, cuz my parents went out to eat, my brothers at bible study and my sister and cousin are babysitting. sadly im stuck at home, and its like 845 on my first day off of school. yuck. hopefully stuff gets better, i hear mister vokt is getting a myspace hahaha

green day concert comin up, i can hardly wait!!! also this sunday is dereks judo competition so i decided that pauline and i will go punkd out. well actually this is mutual, but its gunna be grand :D im so excited to embarass him with HUGE signs!! yesssss.

thanksgiving is also coming up which will be the shizzle :lol: lotsa cool shtuff goin on. lemme know if you wanna chill people!

ash