| long time no talk eh?
i'm so sick of my mom and my dad. they're both fucking wackjobs. and i'm like for serious. just get school over with. then it's like okay carroll. i mean what i have done is pretty my mom like complains all the time about me not hanging out with girls. she's like ashley you look like such a whore always hanging out with the same 2 boys all the time. cool, yeah that's coming from my fucking mother. but whatever.. so i try and hang out with someone today and she's like sure have her come here. alright i try that, and then things change and she goes insane. i've slept out of my house 6 times this entire summer, and i haven't drank 1 time. how cool is that? summer fucking blows and i want it to end so i can just get schoool over with. but i mean i'm such a conceited bitch and i always get my way right? yeah my ass i'm conceited. but for once in a long time i went after something i wanted, and i got it. even though i lost practically everyone else. i still got what i've wanted for a very, very, very long time. and i'm happy. but i know i don't deserve to be. but i'd rather be happy, and be in love, and have noone like me then be miserable, and stick with someone for too long and have everyone like you. people don't mean shit to me anymore, they really truly don't. you can think what you want about me. cause i don't give a shit at all. and i'm not asking you to like me, i'm asking you to respect me. and maybe yaknow coming to your senses and realizing that rumors aren't true. if you don't believe me, look it up assholes. all of yuo are pathetic and you're all fucking bored with your own lives that you want to watch someone elses crash down. talking about people gets you absolutely nowhere. it's something stupid that always ends up bad. like i'm sure during your little gossip hour you feel all cool that you just trashtalked your "best friend" but you're just proving that you aren't one to trust, and that's going to make people back away from you. i learned that from firsthand. it's stupid and immature. get over yourselves.
recently, i've been told that i am a really bad person. so maybe i am.. and maybe i have fucked up big time in the past 2 months. but you make me look like i don't see what i've done. i see it, and i know that what i did was unexceptable. it can look conceited, but if you really know me then you know that i am the most insecure person. if you're unhappy you usually don't stay with that person. you usually dump them. but i stayed with a person for a little too long, and i tried and tried convincing myself that he was what i wanted. but you can't convince yourself a lie. and i'm not saying he didn't matter either, i'm saying i just didn't feel the way i thought i did. so tell me how that's such a bad thing? if you read what i just wrote then you should maybe realize what i am talking about. and i mean it just happened to be that his close friend and i fell for eachother. what do you expect? you're all making it seem like i asked to break someones heart. but that's when you know that you don't know me. if you knew how i am, you'll know that i'm not good at hurting people or making them upset. because i know what it's like to be hurt over and over again. but this occasion was different i guess. there wasn't an easy way out of this one either way someone was going to get hurt. and for once in my entire life i didn't think about what anyone wanted. i thought about what i wanted. and i got it. and for the people who are reading this and saying to yourself "she's such a bitch," "so conceited," and whatever else you assholes are thinking just put yourself in my position. think about what you would have done. lose someone who you've always wanted, or possibly gain back a friendship that you once had before you started dating. the outcome isn't nice, but i'm happy. and so is brett, and so it jerry. i can guarentee that. but you don't have to believe me. it wouldn't be the first time or anything.
- ashley |
