Inhale and watch you shape the
syllables with your mouth. Watch the words
stumble out over your teeth and slip over your lips.
I know your hands because I watch them when
you talk. Think I could find happiness
in the creases of those hands. Think I
could find love in the collision of metacarpal and marrow and keratin. You press the joints until the carbon cracks
and break into a smile. Because you know
what I’m thinking and the answer is yes.
A thunderstorm is as good of reason as any.
Exhale and wait for the exams
to end. Because the more we move
forward, the more we stay the same. I
might switch cities and maybe I’ll have something to frame in a little while,
but the routines are the same. I will
still make mistakes and I will still try to blur them with alcohol. I will always think about the “what could
have been” we both know is out there, but I will always come back to who and what I know.
And if there really is such a
thing as fate, I hope it makes up its mind.
If there really is such a thing as my future, I need it to find me
soon. If there really is a reason for
any of this, I’m starting to feel like I need it soon.
Because if there isn’t, I’m
going skydiving. If there isn’t a reason
for the talking and the exhaling and the testing and the way your mouth touches
mine, then I might as well fall out of an airplane, because I want to
feel the impact of something. If there
is no fate, I’m going to push the limits of possibility. If there isn’t a future waiting for me and if
there isn’t a reason for anything, I’m going to stand here without my umbrella
and kiss you as long as the sky keeps giving.
Because I can and because it’s real.
Because there are too many songs about aching and not enough about not
having to. Because it's water and heart I'm living on.
So maybe there are
reasons, maybe there aren't. And maybe there are
limits, but maybe there aren't. Maybe there are a thousand other
hearts out there, connecting and detaching and searching and waiting. Maybe there are soul mates or maybe there
aren’t. Maybe mine works with yours or
maybe it doesn’t.
I don’t know, I don’t. I hope so. | 
