awth44's Xanga

My reason for Xangaing.

Tue, 20 May 2008 13:31:57 GMT

    When I first started Xanga, it was basically just to keep in touch with friends. A few of my friends had moved away and just when I couldn't take it anymore, up popped Xanga! Wasn't that so nice of Xanga? So until recently, that was my reason for remaining on Xanga. I kept in touch with friends and posted complete randomness with a few relevant topics here and there. But many things in my life have changed over a short period of time. Quickly now and I'll expound later. I became uncomfortable at my church for various reasons. I opened my mind and actually saw things around me rather than merely accepting what was thrown at me. I've become more liberal in a few things. Things that were once taboo I am no longer afraid of. I began college. And I expanded my reach on Xanga.
    I'm an only child; I was hoomeschooled and nobody in the neighborhood that I grew up in liked me so I didn't have any friends outside of my church. And that's how I grew up; in church. I made many friendships at that church. But, much to my dismay, my parents thought that it would be best to change churches. The next was soso and after a while we came back to our first church. But after a while I came to realize that I didn't really seem to fit in that community. I can't really pinpoint it on one person or event, but something had to give. I fell out of that church slowly, I started working on my Architecture major my first year of college and was extremely busy. I often worked on the weekends and so if I felt I had the time I would go to church on my way to school. As school became more and more demanding I went to church less and less. I would say that I haven't been to church in nearly a year. And one thing that really showed me that it was time to leave came after I left. Nobody called/emailed/came to see what was the matter. I left and nobody cared. Now this does not affect my few on church as a whole, I'll most likely find another church, but I don't know when.
    School, the great collector of all types of people. I met and made friends with people who *gasp* didn't believe in a god. Amazing isn't it? It was nice to see opinions different from my own. I even had a few logical, coherent arguments that were spurred by everyday conversation! I loved it! And Architecture gave me a reason to publicly* blog about something. I plan on blogging quite a deal about it. We've people educating everyone on various things, but I have yet to see a blog on Architecture. Its an amazing thing.
    I used to be extremely conservative. I was as far over as you can go. And while I still would be labeled as a conservative, my time at college has liberalized me a bit. I used to be afraid to talk about the things that were considered taboo by my church, such as drugs, sex ect. ect. that classic stuff. While I don't go out of my way to talk about these things, I'm embarrassed when it comes up in a conversation. I'm no longer afraid of curse words such as...well, you know what they are. I do believe its the meaning behind the word and not the word itself. I've said this for a while, but never truly understood what I was saying. I don't think that they are necessary in normally conversation, but if you hit your thumb with a hammer, something is going to come out and it ain't going to be "haha that tickles" unless you have a very high tolerance to pain. But not cursing also shows self control, which is a good thing.
    All of this can be seen in my new approach to Xanga as a whole. I know a good deal of people that I've never met before. I've found new friends and have had a great time here. (Makes me wish I started earlier.) Xanga and the people on it Rock!

*By publicly I mean to people other than people I have seen with my own eyes.

If you're wondering why on earth I'm posting this, I'll tell you. I want a true badge for reasons that will go into another post. So I'm blogging about everything and anything I can think of in order to obtain it. Vuewalla!

Ok, dis is teh crazyness.

Tue, 20 May 2008 04:02:28 GMT

Seriously? Now I'm going backwards! I was eligable to apply and now I'm at 92%? And it says that I have less posts than the average True member. But if I post at the same rate they do...I'll still always have less. *Hangs head in sorrow* Does this make sense to anyone else? 'Cause if it does, please explainify!

Titleless, and I don't know why. Filler.

Tue, 20 May 2008 03:46:20 GMT

What fashion fad do you wish would come back?

Mon, 19 May 2008 20:07:43 GMT

You automatically assume that I want a particular fad to come back! I do not like fads, because they are just that, fads. They come, oh so unfortunately, and they go, and we pray they never return.

I just answered this Featured Question, because I want TRUE too!

Today is Sunday.

Sun, 18 May 2008 10:11:38 GMT

What are you doing on Xanga? You should be in church!

I don't care if you don't believe there is any higher being to pay omage to. Get in a church NOW!

Ok that was strange. But just to let y'all know. I'm still away from the computer. So....that's why I haven't replied to any of your comments. These past three posts have all been future posts.

What am I saying, of course you know I'm not here, the little light hasn't been on.

Well, I'll tell y'all about my four day Xooky on Monday. Unless I'm not worn out, then I might post it Sunday.

Something to amuse you while I am away.

Sat, 17 May 2008 10:13:49 GMT

The sky was green and the grass was blue. 'Twas a normal, sunny day. Pepperflys were zipping through the air, hunting down wasps. (A pepperfly's delicacy.) A swarm of Jees descended into a field of dantycats in search of nectar. Their mates were busy making a tunnel system in the clay to begin a new colony. Peahoppers and susandids were looking for beatles to lead them to the tastiest vegetable delights. Giant purple pineapple trees swayed in the wind. Their bright yellow flowers showered the area with a sweet scent. A clear brook flowed of an array of fiery pebbles. Black squirrels scampered through the trees picking ucorns and pacons. Whislingbirds slowly flew through the air, nabbing a pepperfly here and there on their way north. A red spot appeared in the sky and it grew larger as time passed. The sun set in a beautiful lime green and a full moon rose in the sky to take its place. Bright white moon flowers rose to greet the pale green moon and moths to feed upon their nectar. Glowsnakes came from beneath the tree roots in search of the rivermice and the great barron's eggs. The only sounds that broke the stillness of the night were the splashes of the rivermice hunting for tiny diving beatles to feed their young. The red spot that appeared at sunset filled the sky with fire and destruction.

Evil.

Fri, 16 May 2008 10:17:21 GMT

Somebody is going around claiming to be so evil. Having an evil castle with an evil cat, making a ray gun to destroy the sun. Well sista, that just ain't evil enough for me. Who am I you say? I invented genocide, pesticide, and every other kind of -cide. I am the king of -cide. I enjoy killing small children, the smaller the better! Heck, I enjoy killing anything at all. Suffocation kills too quickly, electrocution is too painless, killing their family in front of them is not emotionally stressing enough. Wearing black isn't enough, I have a poisonous cloud of pure black enveloping me at all times. My eyes glow red through the cloud. My laugh always echoes. I am under children's beds and in their closets. No army has the guts to do my bidding, I am in direct control of everything I do. I am the evil behind all evil plans. No animal can stay in my presence and live. I corrupt CEOs. I train suicide bombers. I teach cult leaders. I guide serial killers. I am Of Doom.

*Note that awth44 does not approve of this message. Why else would I have used his blog to convey it?

Waiting

Thu, 15 May 2008 01:15:57 GMT

Something Connsenttotreatment said sparked a thought process and I thought it would be best to continue it here.

When I was younger I thought that getting married was a for sure thing. I didn't know who, when, why, how, or what have you, but I was sure that I would marry somebody, someday. I figured Id have a classic family; a nice house in a cram packed neighborhood, a wife who didn't need to work out in the field, and four to five kids.

And today, I see nothing wrong with that. If that is how my life turns out, then that's what happens. But I've been thinking. (And we all know what predicements thinking has gotten people into.)

Assuming that I stick with this major, when I finish college, I'll still have a lot to do before I can become a licensed Architect. I have to go through a certain amount of internship that'll take a couple a years, I've got tests to take, and i might want to get a masters. All of that is going to take a lot of time and effort. I'm not saying that I couldn't do all of this and start a family, but I could focus a lot more on my passion.

I've grown up alone (as I would put it) so I'm used to that by now. But I did have friends, so I still get lonely. Its just annoying having these two apposing forces within me, one wanting to interact with people and form close relationships and the other wanting to remove myself from everyone and just be still.

So right now I realize the benefits of being married and of staying single. I'm standing squarely between both sides and I'll see where I am lead. Marriage to me is the closest relationship there is and that is something I'm looking for. But knowing my career is going to take a lot of time, I don't want to ask for commitment if I feel like I'm not fully committing. I don't want one to take over the other. I want the best of both worlds and right now I just don't know what is going to happen. I don't know if I should take the next step toward one end or not. I'll never know, but I'm waiting right now, waiting for the opportune moment. hahaha

Credits

Wed, 14 May 2008 14:39:39 GMT

I've been on revelife for less than 24 hours and I've got 3704 credits......
I've been on Xanga for years...I've got 3016.....

Okaaaaayy

*ring ring, ring ring* Hello this is Xanga how may we help you? Hi, I'd like to transfer credits from one account to another.

Nah, its just a little strange, thats all.

revelife.com (A conversation with myself,

Wed, 14 May 2008 00:43:43 GMT

Feel free to join in anytime...

Another one. I saw this and at first thought that it'd be great. And it is. But the practical side loomed like hurricane Katrina in the distance; I had no idea where it would hit.

One question stood out above the rest. Why have two blogs when you can't ever take care of the first?

Well now, this blog hasn't quite bombed yet, thank you vary much. And I have ideas of what I plan to do. I just need to do more research into whether or not it'll be worth the time and effort to post about my particular passion that isn't very well known. But I could help change that. oh, rabbit trails...

But this other blogging site is already theamed, so my particular interest in Architecture really has no place in it. So what would I blog about?

This could give me a chance to open up more. (Something I'm prone not to do.) I want to be able to talk to people, to actually have intelligent conversations.

And what is preventing me from doing that here? Is getting another blog going to change that? Change who you are and how you deal with other people?

.................No, but I

No BUT's mister!

lol

And if I do want to get another blog, why?

Perhaps to be able to get out of a rut of acting a certain way? Because I feel like, because I've said certain things, I am a certain way. But that it isn't the way I really am? And that if I can start fresh, I won't have this problem. Again.

But do I have this problem? Am I acting in a way that isn't me? Do I need to drop everything and start again or can i realize that its ok if people notice a change in you. That what normally happens. People see something in you, you don't know what it is, but apparently you ain't all that bad.

hmmm....I just reread this whole thing and I've really gone on to something a bit different here at the end.

Well, basically my point is this: Why have two blogs? Why should I have separate blogs for different parts of my life? I shouldn't, right?

Maybe I just so desperately want to be part of a close knit group of people that really care about each other and listen that I feel a need to to look for it everywhere. But am I putting forth the effort to do my part and be a friend to people or am I attempting to leach friendship off random people.

Maybe I should change my major, I'm starting to sound like a shrink.

Well, that might be defined as interesting. Even if it wasn't what I planned. It happens.

edit....
Fintanorstenlagh - White fire stone warrior