axsinglexrose's Xanga

Friday, August 05, 2005

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 23:59:59 GMT

i can't take it anymore..honest to god, i'm soo sick of this bullshit and i'm sick of living here and having the friends i have...there is like one possibly two people here that i know i can count on and rely on to actually care about me and treat me like a real human being that has feelings..instead of just stomping all over my freaking heart and acting like nothing is happening when you know damn well why i'm upset..

this trip to kentucky is very much needed and couldn't have come at a more perfect time..kinda like the trip to cali..which by the way was the most fun i've had in i don't know how long..at least all summer..but i'm really looking forward to going to kentucky and clearing my mind and just being with God and the youth group and actually doing something productive for once instead of watching stupid tv shows about rich fucked up kids that spend a jillion dollars on one purse or one pair of shoes..all i can say is that my kids will never be brought up like that..they will be brought up to share everything they have with people less fortunate with them and by doing that, things will always work out the way they are supposed to..

too bad the only problem about going to kentucky is that we're painting the orphans rooms, and i'm really bad at painting..we figured this out when we were doing the youth room..but whatever..it will still be tons of fun and i'll be doing something without anything in return other than the satisfaction of knowing how excited these girls will be that their rooms look a lot nicer

so i think i'm done spilling the crap from my head..there's a billion more things that i can't seem to get out right..but i cried tonight..it was a long good cry..i just can't stand being here anymore..being the one left out and like it's pointless to even hang out anymore bc it's like i'm not there anyways..so why invite me..it's not like you want me there..i'm going to bed because i have to work tomorrow

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 13:51:09 GMT

How much do u remember the 90's?

[x] Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
[ ] Fraggle Rock
[x] G.I. Joe
[x] Are You Afraid of the Dark?
[x ]Secret World of Alex Mack
[ ] Bug Juice
[x] Beetlejuice
[x] nightmare before christmas
[ ] Welcome Freshman
[ ] space cases
[ ] round house
[x] The Muppet Show
[x] Muppet Babies
[ ] Eureka's Castle
[x]Salute Your Shorts
[x] legends of the hidden temple
[ ] You Can't Do That On Television
[x] G.U.T.S. DO U HAVE GUTS?
[ ] What Would You Do?
[x] Double Dare
[x] Rocko's Modern Life
[x] All That
[x] Ren and Stimpy
[x] Clarissa Explains It All
[ ] The Torklesons
[x] The Adventures of Pete and Pete
[x] Stick Stickley Write to me, Stick Stickley, PO Box 963, NYC, NY State, 10108
[x] Goodburger
[x] Angry Beavers
[x] Hey Arnold!
[x] AHH! Real Monsters
[x] Tiny Toons
[x] Animaniacs
[x] Pinky and the Brain
[x] Freakazoid
[x] Earthworm Jim
[x] the babysitter's club
[x] Underdog
[x] Kablam!
[x] Gullah Gullah Island
[x] Richard Scarry
[x] Dumbo's Circus
[ ] Ocean Girl
[x] Mystery Files of Shelby Woo
[ ] Snick Snacks
[x] Dunkaroos
[x] SNICK- Saturday Night Nick
[ ] Koala Yummies
[x]Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?
[x] Nickelodeon Magazine
[x] Ernest movies
[ ] Radio Flyer
[ ] Disney Watchers
[x] Adventures in Wonderland
[x] Homeward Bound
[ ] The Adventures of Yellow dog
[x] Milo and Otis
[x] Neverending Story
[ ] Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
[x] The Lion King
[ ] Labyrinth
[x] 101 Dalmations
[x] the secret garden
[ ] Pete's Dragon
[x] Hocus Pocus
[ ] Secret of Roan Inish
[x] Land Before Time
[ ] Dinosaurs
[x] Fern Gully
[ ] Secret of NIMH
[x] Gummi Bears
[x] Care Bears
[x] my little pony
[x] Black Beauty
[x] Rainbow Brite
[ ] Lady Lovely Locks
[x] Candyland
[x] Sorry!
[x] Trouble
[x] Don't Wake Daddy
[x] Mousetrap
[x] Jenga
[x] Don't Break the Ice
[x] Hungry Hungry Hippos
[x] Pretty Pretty Princess
[x] Tinker toys
[x] Cooties
[ ] The castles that made tea sets
[x] Polly Pocket
[ ] Mighty Max
[ ] Hypercolor T-Shirts
[x] Lite Brite
[ ] Sky Dancers
[ ] Ribbon Dancer
[x] Scrunchies
[x] side ponytails
[x] Stirrup Pants
[x] Jellies
[x] Saddle Shoes
[x] Barbies
[x] Beanie Babies
[x] Tamagotchies
[x] Yo-Yos
[x] Duncans
[x] Choose Your Own Adventure
[x] Pogs
[x] Goosebumps
[x] Magic Attic Club
[x] American Girl
[ ] Island of the Blue Dolphins
[x] Saved By The Bell
[x] Full House
[x] Step By Step
[x] TGIF on ABC
[x] Sabrina, the Teenage Witch
[x] Boy Meets World
[x] Clueless
[x] Simpsons
[x] Flipper
[x] Growing Pains
[x] Family Ties
[x] Titanic
[ ] Felix The cat: The Movie
[x] Jonathan Taylor Thomas
[x] Home Improvement
[x]Tom and Huck
[ ] My Brother and Me
[x] Keenan and Kel
[x] Hanson
[x] Inspector Gadget
[x] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
[x] Power Rangers
[x] Hot Wheels
[ ] Creepy Crawlers
[x] Easy Bake Oven
[x] cha cha chia Flower Making Kits/Chia pets
[x] Wild and Crazy Kids
[ ] Playdough McDonald's Sets
[x] Animorphs
[x] Rainbow Fish
[x] If You Give A Mouse A Cookie
[x] Bailey School Kids
[ ] Wayside School
[x] Cam Jansen
[x] Ramona Quimby(age8)
[ ] Amber Brown
[ ] Allegra's Window
[ ] 3-2-1 Contact
[x]baby ginger sporty scary and posh
[x] The brave little toaster
[x] Bananas In Pajamas
[x] One Saturday Morning on ABC (its actually still on...)
[ ] Transformers
[ ] Transformers Beast Wars
[x]Waynes World
[x] The dancing baby
[x] Nancy Drew novels
[x] catdog
[ ] shamomo the cat
[x]captain planet
[x] hi there, FACE here!
[x] Doug
[ ] The Biker Mice From Mars
[x] Furbies
[x] Giga pets
[ ] Sam and Max
[x] You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
[x] You watched the Pound Puppies.
[ ] You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
[x] You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish
[x] You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
[x] You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
[ ] You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
[ ] Two words: M.C. Hammer
[ ] If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
[x] You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
[ ] You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
[x] You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
[x] You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
[ ] You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
[x]You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
[x] You played the game "MASH"
[x] You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it
[x] L.A. Gear.
[ ] You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
[x] You remember reading "Tales of a fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books.
[x] You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
[ ]You wanted to be a Goonie. Truffle Shuffle! Boodie Trap!
[x] You ever wore flourescent clothing.
[ ] You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
[x] You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
[x] You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
[x] You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
[x] You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence.
[ ] You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
[ ] Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
[ ] You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
[x] You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
[x] You owned a pair of jelly sandals.
[x] After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what am I?"
[x] You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
[x]You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
[ ] You ever got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide. (slip 'n' bleed)
[x] You have ever played with a Skip-It.
[x] You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
[x]You've gone through this list occasionally saying "totally awesome."
[ ] You remember Popples.
[x] "Don't worry, be happy."
[ ] You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
[x] You wore socks scrunched down.
[x] "Miss MARY MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BACK" "With silver BUTTONS, BUTTONS, BUTTONS all down her BACK, BACK, BACK!"--she asked her mother,mothe,mother,for fifty cents.cents,cents --haha
[x] You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
[ ] You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
[ ]You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
[ ] You remember watching Rainbow Brite and My Little ponies.
[ ]You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
[x] You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
[x] You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
[x] You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell"
[ ] You know all the words to Bon Jovi.
[x]You played and or collected "Pogs"
[x]You used to pretend that you could transform into a Power Ranger

man..there was a lot of great stuff in the 90s that i totally forgot about.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 03:20:20 GMT

haven't updated in a while so i am now

i just got back from visiting my aunts and uncles for a week and a half..it was ok..i missed everyone so much and i don't know how i'm gonna do it in a few months.

i'm only gonna be back for a few days and then i'm leaving on wed. to go to dc..pretty excited about that..in about two weeks i'm going to cali!! yesss sooo incredibly excited to go to cali and see the best person everrr!! i love my sarah!

this summer has gone by so fast and i hate it..i feel like it's my last summer as a kid and that next summer things will be totally different..ahh i don't like it and i don't like that matt is going to alaska with all his fake and drunk friends..i don't like his alaska friends at all..they sorta piss me off really bad..and i hate that i know he's gonna end up changing for them

tomorrow i finally get to go to the pool and not have to pay 5 bucks to get in because we have a membership now!! yay!! morgane and i are going and then we are getting our "ice" stuff ready for matt's surprise on tuesday night hehe it's going to be greeeeaatttt..and he has nooo clue what we are doing and i don't even think he knows we're planning something..i'm so excited for it.

well nothing else exciting is going on in my life at the moment..i miss youth group and wish i woulda been back in time tonight to go :( i don't like missing youth group because it feels like a part of me is missing when i don't go to youth

i'm kinda tired and i think i might go to bed now. so morgane i hope you are happy that i updated this especially for you.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 00:02:04 GMT

so i'm at morgane's house right now..matt just left and i'm very sad because he's gonna be gone in wisconsin for 2 and a half weeks and when he gets back, i will be gone for like 6 days..he's coming back july 6th, and i'm leaving like the 3rd or earlier and not coming back til like the 11th or 12th.. this sucks..i'm gonna miss my dumb leg of the iPod triPod..it's not gonna be the same without him..morgane and i are gonna fall over because we don't have our third leg..i love that kid..he's the best and i have not a clue what i'm gonna do when he goes back to alaska..

on the other hand, i would take a bullet for him from a shootgun..yess..i'm gonna shoot you with my dad's shootgun..oh boy..morgane makes me laugh

on the third hand, i can't wait to get my cheesehead! yess i'm so excited..because wisconsin is the cheese state and it's also the state that has a greater population of cows than people haha

on the fourth hand, we watched van wilder tonight..i love that movie..it's so increasingly hilarious..especially the dog kelseying in the doughnuts...hahahaha wooow..great fun! and then the little kids mary-kateing off the bus..i love the usage of the weird words from urban dictionary

well that's all for now..i gotta get going home because i have a new curfew of 1..that's so homosexual...ughh

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 17:20:10 GMT

so the past week has been a lot of fun..i've hung out with morgane and matt basically everyday..it's been a lot of fun with the iPod triPod

the weather the past couple of days has sucked bc when we try to go to the pool, it gets too cloudy and windy which sucks..today was the perfect day to go, but morgane went with tonya and kelsey to run instead eventho we were sposed to go today..

well we're sposed to be going mini golfing tonight..i guess we're not waiting for matt to come with us because he doesn't get off til 8 and we're going at 7..whatever..this day sucks and i don't quite care if we even go or not

i have to work tomorrow at 8 and monday at 8 which sucks..but i need the money..so whatever

i can't wait til july when i go out to cali to see the bessstt person ever!! ahh i miss her soo much and i wish she wasn't moving the whole way out to cali because i need her here..and the other person who means a lot to me is moving way far away too and i'm gonna miss him sooo much..i don't understand why the two people who mean the most to me are the people moving forever away..i wish i was moving out there with them...or just that they were staying here and not leaving

well i gotta go put my grad stuff away because i was sposed to do that hours ago.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 14:55:50 GMT

i am now a graduate! woo-hoo..it's about time..it's already starting to kick in but i think i'm more excited than upset and sad..i'm ready to fly away from home and meet new people at messiah and have tons of fun but at the same time, working my butt off for what i want..which is to become a teacher

these past couple weeks have been awesome spending time with the fantastic four!! i love you girls and guy sooo much and without you i don't know what i would do..so many memories in the last couple weeks..all the taco bell trips, stalking shorts, new stalkee-polo , the mall, walmart trips, the pool, spitting food 2 feet away..soo many other things!

my birthday is tomorrow..i will be 18!! yesss..so matt and i are going to this one place haha..it's gonna be a lot of fun, especially cuz it's with him and he will be asking all kinds of weird questions..i'm celebrating my bday with my friends on friday because michelle works tomorrow and she doesn't work on friday..don't know what i'm gonna do..i'll prolly end up hanging out with the fantastics tomorrow anyways but the real celebrating will be done friday.

i went back to work today for the first time in like a week and a half..it was crazy..i hate it..i just want the summer to be over so no more work..either that or just no more work and keep the summer coming haha

well i'm gonna go paint my nails//look at college stuff and pick out my classes!!

p.s.- no more randy anymore..he's a jerrrkk..and treats me like crap and i don't deserve it..annnd i like this one guy a lot a lot and i have for a looonnng time and i think something could happen with him

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Thu, 26 May 2005 22:54:45 GMT

omg..2 freakin days left...+= ahh i don't know what to think..i have sooo many mixed emotions right now about high school ending and me graduating in 2 WEEKS!!

so ellOn, i didn't call off..when i got home from school i went to the laxpower site to see when randy's game was and it's tomorrow..same day as the freakin carlisle game..ughh i wanna go to both, but i can't be in two places at once..this sucks :( so i prolly won't go to his game because i told tommy i would be at their game..so tomorrow is tonya's bday..we are going to applebees, then the game, then a Christian rock conert at kelsey's church..morgane and tonya are spending the night at tonya's, but yet again i get left out..bc i'm going to va the next morning and we're leaving no later than 8

this weekend is gonna be a lot of fun and i think it's a great ending to the year..tomorrow night should be a lot of fun bc it will be spent with my favorite lax girls/best friends..and then sat.-mon. i'll be in va with sarah!! ahh i'm soo excited to see her!! but it's bittersweet because it might be the last time i see her for a while because she might not be coming up here again before she moves to cali..hopefully for my graduation present i will get a plane ticket to go out there for a week this summer!! that's the one thing i realllly want..the other thing i really want isn't something anyone can buy me or give to me..it's something that has to happen with a certain person..but i don't know that it will happen

next week is going to suck..i have a freakin double physics lab the last day of school..how crappy is that..then finals are gonna suck bc i have a feeling they are gonna be really hard and i'm not ready for them..i haven't studied at all and most likely i won't study at all.except for what we do in class..whatev..i don't quite care anymore.

well that's all for now because i have to finish working on my physics project and then get tonya's bday stuff ready for tomorrow

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Sun, 15 May 2005 22:28:16 GMT

so i haven't updated in a while..i've been busy and i just haven't felt like writing about shit in my life..things aren't the best, but they aren't the worst either..it has been worse before.

prom was pretty fun..matt and i looked good together haha i had fun with him, but it would have been better if i had been with randy..after prom i didn't go bowling..long story..i just didn't go..

since then a lot of things have happened..the major one being that randy decided he needed a "break"..whatever that means..i don't know because his definition of a break and my definition are different..he's been calling another girl and telling her that he likes her and doesn't like me anymore..i don't get it..what is so wrong with me that every guy always drops me for someone else..he said that it's because as soon as he knows he is "free" he scopes out what other girls he can start to like..what bullshit..if we're on a break, that doesn't mean he's totally free to just go off with the first girl he sees..i don't understand how he can just do that anyways..all that talk about how much he loved me and he just drop me and find someone new right away? i don't get it..i don't understand guys and how their feelings can just change at the drop of a hat like that..doesn't he care how badly he's hurting me and how his every move affects me and how i feel..i love him and for some reason i keep trying to see the good in him and i keep hoping that soon the good in him will prevail over the bad..i don't know where this hope came from but i've had soo much hope for people in the past few years and i wonder how i have any left..i'm just so scared of losing him to someone else..i just keep picturing us together and seeing our future together and i keep thinking that some girl is gonna come along and take that future away from me..but i don't know how much more my heart can take..there's a huge hole in my heart where randy should be but he's chosen to take himself away..what did i do to make him feel the way he does? ahhh i don't understand and this is more stressful than before..i just don't know what to do, and i'm sick of crying and it doesn't help.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Sat, 30 Apr 2005 22:18:12 GMT

this weekend officially sucked worse than any other weekend in the longest time..all my plans failed for today and yesterday and tomorrow is gonna suck too..i hate being sick..i hate being left out of the fun because no one bothers to invite me..i hate when it rains and i hate when randy's mom is gay and won't let him hang out with me..i hate sitting at home and i hate watching movies by myself at home with literally no one because everyone else has a fucking life and doesn't care to find out what i'm doing..i hate work..and i hate that i never get to hang out with anyone anymore because they either don't ask me or something always comes up to screw me over..

i just want school to be over and the summer and college to be here and get out of here and go to college and meet new people and do new things..on the other hand i'm incredibly scared and wonder if i will be able to make new friends and how i will like college..all i know is that something needs to change because i'm sick of things the way they are..it's the same old thing everyday and i see the same faces and learn about the same things..this senior year was a waste of my time and the best part about it is gone and i can't get it back..and that is the football games..i miss them and the band and just the atmosphere at the games and how extremely happy i was no matter what

whatever..i'm going to bed because i'm tired, sick and pissed off

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Thu, 28 Apr 2005 11:32:32 GMT

so i'm sitting in study hall right now and i'm pretty bored..i should be working on my physics take home test considering i work tonight, but i don't feel like it..i have no motivation to do any kind of work anymore..and that's bad, especially in physics because i need a good grade going into the final..i have a 98 in calc right now and that's awesome especially if it stays that way into the final.

school is gay..the people there are gay except for a few really good friends that if i didn't have, i don't know what i would do..it's amazing how people can be so selfish and hurt people they are really close to, all because they have to have something go their way..ughh it's gay the way guys are such assholes..one in particular..when you hurt me, you hurt my best friend and when u hurt my best friend, you hurt me worse than if you hurt me in the first place..get it? tonya is the best friend in the world and we may have our arguments and disagreements, but when it comes down to it, she is a great friend who will always be there for me no matter what..and when you do something to hurt her, it hurts me a thousand times worse than if you hurt me..i can't even stand you anymore and i want you out of my life..all you do is cause me trouble and pain and you lead me down a path where i don't want to go..go ahead and have ur bitch ass "girlfriend" or date or whatever the hell you wanna call her..but you are so blinded by her lies and "good appearance" that you don't realize what she's really doing to you..she's gonna dump you on ur ass just like she did before because that's how she is and she's done it plenty of times before..so when it happens, don't think i won't tell you i told you so, because i did tell you as well as other people told you.

prom is in like a week and i'm really excited..i'm glad that i'm going with matt, but i just wish i could be going with randy :( it's not gonna be the same since randy won't be there..the plans are to go to matt's house and get pics at his house and pretty places around post (it better not be icky out because that will ruin the plan) and then we'll meet at brandon's house and get a few pics and then go to the deer lodge for dinner..it's gonna be me and brandon, brandon and ashley, dana and curtis, spam and lindsey, and tommy and justine..tonya won't be going because her prom date ditched her for some other nasty ass chic and kennon and his fucker won't be there because he doesn't want any drama..well tell that girl of your's u don't want drama and you won't have to worry about any because she would be the one causing it..after prom me and tonya and randy are going bowling with kelsey and bucky and some other couples from cv..we might ask matt to go too so tonya isn't like all alone with a bunch of couples..that should be really fun because when me, tonya and kelsey are together (plus morgane but she prolly won't be bowling unless we might ask her) we always have a fun time

this weekend should be pretty good..friday i have no plans but i'll prolly either hang out with tonya or matt..saturday is supposed to be shopping with morgane and tonya for morgane's dress but who knows now because i have to pick randy up from hershey park around 2-230 so he can get to his game on time..then randy's game at 6 in the stadium at cv because it's senior night..they moved him up to varsity finally and it's about time..he's starting jv and dressing for varsity so hopefully he'll get to play in the varsity game :) sunday i work from 8-12 which is good because i'm sick of working 9 hour days..it sucks major butt..then after that hopefully tanning if the weather is nice..then youth group..we're painting the youth room!! yessss it's gonna be an aquaish color with and orangish color accent..then the weekend will be over and the cycle will start again.

circumsision hahaha -brandon mmmmmm rocks lady that was brandon..ok so this post is long enough and study hall is basically over now anyways..time to go take a quiz on macbeth..i hate this freakin play!