lol I'm a slut?! wtf... lol

*edit* I love you too dan... asshole. jkjk

mooch.

my boytoy
1. Hair color ? dark brown or blond
2. Eye color ? pretty! darker blue/green gets ++++brownie points, but brown eyes are okie too.
3. Height ? ok I have a 4 inch rule (to accomendate any shoes I will want to wear) so like 5'11" or taller, meaning above 6 feet and you're kosher.
4. Six pack ? not like really defined, that's gross... but I love built guys.
5. Long or short hair ? well above chin, definitely not buzzed. buzz cuts are SO GROSS and so is long hair.
6. Glasses ? it's sexier/more intellectual but gets in the way of kissing and such, so not really but I don't care if he has glasses.
7. Piercings ? NO. well ONE ear is acceptable but anything else is gross.
8. Scars ? no... I don't have a fetish for scars
9. Eyebrows ? I hate bushy eyebrows but I'll suck it up.
10. Big butt or little ? LOL... not fat not nonexistent, so like nice and firm and yeah... I don't really check guys asses out.
11. Chest hair - yeah but not too much.
12. Buff or skinny ? buff as in built, not as in oiled muscley models.
13. Straight teeth gap or braces ? straight teeth are nice.
14. Funny or serious ? funny normally (NOT OBNOXIOUS tho) but serious when they need to be.
15. Party or stay at home ? partier! but not too wild... and they should like spending time @ home w/ me... as in, in a house... no long long term commitments in the next 3 years.
16. Should he cook or bake ? it's sexy but not required.
17. Should he have a best friend ? sure... it doesn't really matter PLUS we can be best friends.
18. Should he have a lot of girlfriends ? have had is a much better phrasing, babe... yeah like I'm MORE comfortable going out w/ someone who's had 5ish serious/long term relationships.
19. Outgoing or shy ? outgoing... but shy is SOMETIMES sexy.
20. Sarcastic or sincere ? sincere
21. Should he love his mother? dunno I don't love mine so whatever he wants. I definitely HATE mommas boys... esp ones who take commands from them... like "I don't want you to see this girl esp when you have to worry a/b college". wimps. but he shouldn't be like angry/murderous towards her.
22. Should he watch chick flicks? sure if I want him to watch she's all that he'd better watch it with me.
23. Would he be a smoker? EW NO... one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. I MIGHT MIGHT MIGHT try to deal w/ it if I'm like totally into him... but I doubt it. smoking is SO gross.
24. Would he drink? sure NOT too much tho.
25. Would he swear? sure... but not too much.
26. Would he play with your hair? yeah... sexy.
27. One or more girls at a time ? NO. he'd better be a one-man woman or he'll be a no-man woman.
28. Would he pay for dates? I HATE boys who always pay for me and I hate boys who never offer. somewhere in between. ie: splitting the bill. if he asks me out, he pays.. if I ask him out, I pay... that works well as well.
29. Does he kiss on the first date? that's actually up to ME. if he's not attractive/I'm not attracted to him very much I'll make up some excuse like "I don't kiss on the first date" but if he's hott I'll kiss him. but nothing farther than kissing on the first date ever.
30. Where would you go to dinner? sure... I'd rather be doing other things but it's really nice to know that a guy cares enough a/b you to take you out to somewhere nice.
31. Would he bring you flowers? I LOVE flowers. sweeping me off my feet majorly.
32. Would he lay under the stars with you? wtf... lol only in NICE weather with ungross grass/dirt. it's nice and relaxing def.
33. Would he write poetry about you? umm it would be sweet but usually guys suck at poems so lol wahtever.
34. Would he call you honey, sweetie, or baby? baby, babe, sugar, anything along those lines.
35. Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? sure he has to get along w/ my closest friends if the time comes if he wants to stay w/ me for the longterm. I'd only introduce him to my closest friends if I really like him tho, or else why bother...? right?
36. Would you hang out with him and HIS friends? yeah sure. I love boys.
37. Will he walk you to the door at the end? awww! yeah.
38. Holding hands? yes holding hands is cute but no like greasy hands please.
39. Soccer ? sure soccer players are hott and built
40. Baseball ? short stops, pitchers, catchers are all hott.
41. Basketball? they're usually too tall and skinny for me but whatever
42. Football ? umm kinda too chubbly but whatev. brett favre is HOTT!
43. Water polo ? lol wahtever... uhh no preferably tho.
44. Surf - surfers are hott but kinda weird sometimes.
45. Skateboard - umm no one weird and punk please.
46. Snowboard - mmm snowboarders are hott.. I'm thinking of a j/b boy right now...
47. Sing ? SURE serenading is uberhott
48. Plays guitar ? look above... I love serenades... esp if he learns my fav song just for me.
49. Play piano ? sure..... but that would mean he would be azn and I hate asian boys.
50. Play drums ? maybe but no like long hair and freaky looks... NAIMULLLL the brownest sweetheartest hottest best dressed person ever plays the drums tho so I dunno.
51. Clean his room ? lol it should be pretty neat but like like sterelized... I mean not uberclean at all... also if it's gonna be cleaned it better be by HIM and not like his mother or housekeeper or something... lol.
52. Paint, draw, sculpt ? sure... not necessary but whatev.
53. Writes his own music ? if he plays the guitar it would be an added bonus.
54. Use the word dude? sure
55. Use the word tight? lol depends what context... but sure. "hott" is in now, dorks... instead of "tight" or "sweeeet"
56. Would he watch the sun rise with you ? umm w/ the cliche parked car and all? mmm. why not.
57. What kind of car does he drive ? no trashy car but whatever... preferably bought by him... I love sports cars and convertibles and porsches... but I'm not a materialistic type of girl... ie: car doesn't get me at all. plus I'm more concerned w/ what I drive.
58. How old is he ? I'm 17 so like 17-21... 4 year rule. 
59. What would his name be ? I love damien but whatever he wants.
60. Nationality? I love: jewish, german I like: russian, serbian, anything from the former rooskyville okie: french, english, australian not really: african american, latino no: asian

No more boys until college.

I've never felt so at peace... and I've never felt so ALIVE.

BigBlueFireball: somehow....I forsaw this

Moli Luo: why does my wet towel always smell so nasty
Moli Luo: btw, the word you wanna use is affect rahter than effect
Moli Luo: and is the "package" a metaphor for something else? 

There's the analytic, here's the warrant. It's a friggin lose-lose situation.
Either:
a. He controls my decision as to which colleges I will go to. (That almost happenned.)
b. It will be a heartbreaking short term relationship (That happenned once and almost again.) 

I think everyone's RIGHT when they said that relationships won't last in high school especially one that you are willing to start SENIOR YEAR. It's just not worth the effort and pain after it's over. So basically that left me with the choice of whether I wanted to have fun and have some flings. I know ev1's like omg naixing can't commit herself to just one boy, the ideal relationship is when you can date multiple pple and stuff like that. But at a point in your life it's just like... no. I realized that I suck at not being attached... because either I get madly in love or I get grossed out by the tiniest things a guy does. There's no happy medium. I think personally that hooking up with boys for one night stands in high school is not something I want to do anymore... uh or do at all I guess *shifts eyes around nervously* because I think it's basically DEGRADING and I just can't handle giving myself away so easily to someone I'm not going to get a lot back from.

Do you realize how stupid it is to say "Hey there's a few months left, might as well have fun and have a relationship since I like them anyway?" It's STUPID.  Breakups SUCK especially if you're involved with an immature high school boy. How do you date someone for a few months, feel commited, then possibly be seperated from them for a long time. I don't feel like dating for the hell of dating anymore, I want to date because I like the person and there's a possibilty of spending the rest of my life with them, either romantically or plantonically. It's so stupid when pple are like "I NEED A BOYFRIEND... I WANT TO DATE" that puts someone in a desperation mode where they're ready to date anyone at all, the "easiest" person avaliable. Then you get attached to them so much to a point where you no longer are able to rationally realize their imperfections and how they are not compatible with you.

When relationships aren't the focus of your life you can LIVE. I want to LIVE before college. My mind is cleared and I can focus on things that will truly matter to me, especially in the long term. In 20 years I won't be smiling over the fact I dated some pyscho asshole boy who dumped me for the most retarded reason ever known to man, but over a friendship I developed in highschool that has been matured over 20 years.

If I'm going to date a boy, I want it to be natural. I want it to just happen. I don't want to chase after a boy and heartbreak. I want to just lay back and let life happen and see if anything lucky happens to me in the realm of love. How long has it taken me since my endeavor in the beginning of the year to realize what I want and what makes me happy?

I want someone who not only is good lookin, but I CAN CONNECT WITH. and have FUN with. And have INTELLIGENT conversations with. I realize that I can't really get any of that with anyone at lhs. And long distance relationships just suck a lot.

My standards for what kind of guy has changed as well, no longer do I want someone who is madly in love with my outter appearance but I want someone who likes me even when I'm in my sweats after a jog without any makeup on. They still think I'm beautiful.

SCHOOL IS CANCELLED TOMORROW but big lex isn't. which means I will hafta be @ the school @ 3ish. it runs till sunday visit me to say hi! I'm housing coupleo' friends at night so it'll be cool. mangels and I haven't chilled since like a month lol whatever. we have a lot of jokes and puns to catch up on. girish will be jealous... jkjk lol. yeah so I have round 3 off which means dundundun... yeah. lol ask me what it means.

my car froze up today! so I haven't had dinner yet (we went to have lunch then see mystic river yumyum GOOD movie)

I <3 u

OH yeah and DAN, GOOD LUCK AT YOUR PIANO COMPETITION!!!! MMMMMMWAH! I'm sure you'll do fine. I'd call you to tell you personally that you will do uberwell but you'd prolly be practicing... dorkus jkjk.