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| Wow! Homecoming was crazy. I had alot of fun. The DJ sucked, but I had fun with all my friends. We went to dinner and had sooo much fun. When you're in good company, things always seem to go well. I danced all night, but now I am paying for it because evryone thinks I got something for every boy I danced with. But it's cool. I know I ain't trying to get in no relationships. i'm just tryin' to have fun and believe me...I will. | | |
| What's wrong with life right now? For some reason, I feel really blue. Is it the weather? Is it school? Is it home life? Maybe I'm just bored. It seems that I only feel this way when I'm alone. I think it's loneliness. I don't know what's happened to me over the past year. It seems that no one really takes an interest in me anymore. Maybe it's just because I've been with these people for 4 years! Nothing is exciting anymore. I mean, there is drama, but I don't know what it is. I guess I really miss having that one person who cares about me more than life itself. I miss having that one person to talk to for 6 hours straight. I miss having that one person who even when I'm dead tired, have 3 tests the next day, and am behind 4 chapters in my notes, makes me unable to hang up and say good night. I miss that one person who makes me unable to concentrate and unwilling to stay in class. I miss that one person who's kiss made me feel better than any medicine could. I miss that one person who gave me the greatest gift ever; love. That one person has changed so much, and I find myself still in love with the memory of him. Only time will take this memory away. But I know I'm not ready for a relationship now. I still have some issues I need to work out and to hop into a relationship would be disastrous. | | |
| Life is pretty well so far. I seem to be a lot happier, but how long will it last? But Ima try to be optimistic. So, this homecoming thing is not supposed to be that serious. But I'm in a dilemma. My ex-boyfriend and I are just starting to become REAL friends. He told me that if someone has a crush on me, it would drive him away from me. When I asked him why, he said because he would'nt want to interfere. This boy has a crush on me and I was thinkin of takin him to homecoming, JUST AS FRIENDS! I don't look at him as anything more than friends. But I know that my ex will think I'm trying to make him jealous or that I have a malicious agenda behind me takin him to homecoming. It's not like that! So, I don't know whether or not I should go with him to homecoming because I know that it will cause problems. I really wanna be able to be friends with my ex. It means a lot to me. I said that I was gonna wait until I found out if my ex was gonna take someone else before i asked the boy, but he already asked me. I said ok, but just as friends,but now i'm not sure if i wanna go. Please help me! | | |
| What a day! I yelled at like 2 people today. So let me start at the beginning. I was having a pretty good day. I spent the morning with an old friend and took a test that I didn't have to cheat on. I actually like Mr. Richmond now and was feeling pretty good. I go to Journalism and I'm looking around and once again, I notice that Faraz was just standing around. Now, Faraz has been in our class since I think the 3rd B-day. So, he doesn't have too many responsibilities. All he has is 2 articles to write, so he should really be stepping up his game. I see Nirvanna about to go somewhere and low and behold Faraz is right behind her with his success guide about to follow her like a sick puppy. So I call him over and ask him, where are you going? He says, I have to go write my college essay. So I say, have you gotten anything done for this class, and he starts pouring out the excuses. I say, Faraz, I didn't ask for all that. You've been in this class long enough and you're saying how you only have 2 articles to write, so why isn't at least one done already? He says, I didn't have time to write it and starts to walk away from me. I say, where are you going? And he raises his voice. He says, I have to go finish my college essay! And I say don't you raise your voice at me! It's not my problem you didn't do it at home. Almost everyone in this class has something to do after school, yet they get their stuff done. Everyone talks during class, yet they get their stuff done. Everyone has a task to do for the newspaper besides writing, except you. I'm sick and tired of you always walking around the school and following people. Get something done so I don't have to hound you! I'm not trying to say, oooh I'm editor, I'm gonna boss u around. Being editor doesn't mean shit. It just means you have to read everyone elses shit. It's just, DO SOMETHING! So then this boy says he's gonna go to guidance to get scholarship info. Did he? I don't know. But when I went in there, he wasn't there. Don't think you can pull a fast one on me. I'm smarter than you think. Just because I'm goofy doesn't mean I'm dumber than you. Just because I don't get differential equations and shit like that doesn't mean your better than me. Even Ms. Lewis asked where he was. It's my job to keep everyone on task. If someone falls through, my grade is affected. I'm not trying to get a B in journalism over a lazy person like him. I swear on my life Faraz (I hope you read this), if you keep this up, i'm gonna be the biggest rat you ever met and will spill out your entire story. Don't disrespect me. If he would've said, ok Leila, I'll do it next class, but I really have to do my essay, I would've said ok, but make sure you do do something next class. Don't get defensive and raise your voice at me. Ima bitch and I'm not lettin anyone walk all over me. So you better watch out. Now don't get me wrong Faraz. Your a cool person, very easy to talk to, but I can't stand procrastinators or people with excuses who raise their voice at me. In the words of Mr. Lagon, "Excuses are like butt holes. Everyone has one and they all stink." | | |
| Oh my God. What a day! So let me tell you what happened. In Oceanography, I was talking to this boy and he told me that my ex-boyfriend flirts with this girl on the team. I asked him how did he know and he said he sees it all the time. I asked him if he's ever touched her and he refused to answer (meaning yeah). So, today for some reason, my ex was an ass. He didn't say hi to me or even look at me. I got mad in class and was like why is he so angry. It's so fucking annoying. And the thing about it is he only acts like this when he's in front of me! When he gets in his "element" he acts like he normally does, but around me, he's an angry bitch. So I know u guys are saying he's your ex, but the point is, I asked him before about this girl and he swore up and down that he never did anything and that he didn't like her. So, I asked him to come over in class and he was like no, you come here. I said come here, and he was like, meet me half way. So I went to him and I asked him if he flirted with her. He said no. I asked him if he ever touched her and he said no. He got all angry and started raising his voice at me as if he had something to hide. So we start fighting right there in class! He acts like he doesn't care about me and that he can do whatever he wants. So why doesn't he just tell me the truth? Why does he have to hide things if he keeps bringing up the fact that we're not together, every 20 minutes? My only thing is this: Everyone says he flirts with this girl, including the girl. Yet he denies it and gets mad. So, why don't you just change the way you act towards this girl if you're not flirting with her. She doesn't want you. You say you don't want her. So STOP! It gets on my FUCKING nerves! I wanted to smack the shit out of him so bad in class, but Mr. Payne was there. I finally realized, no lies people, I'm gonna get over him. Starting today. First, Ima chill on my own. When I get my life in order, I'll get a nice man who treats me right. If he's the one, maybe we'll fall in love, but I'm gonna have to be sure as to what type of person he is before we do so that I won't end up hurt again. I DON'T WANNA HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT HIM OR THE GIRL. SO DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING! I never thought that someone I loved so much could carry so much hate within me. But I had told him way back when we were just talking and he wanted to go with me that if we go together, we're gonna end up hating eachother. Now look. God help me control this hate. Only time will allow me to forget. | | |
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