| well, i'm fuckin bored out of my mind. just here home alone online chattin with christian and brian, lookin through old pictures and letters. remembering the past. its hella gay how something can change in an instant. at times its uncontrollable and all u can do is watch it happen. i've noticed that wishin n hoping doesnt really bring u anywhere. skool is about to start n i have hella shit goin through my mind. just recently, something was brought to me about an old best friend. kinda didnt pay attention to it untill i started remembering how it was. how i was so happy. how life couldnt get better. how i was doin. but something always gotta fuck it up. but its koo things happen for a reason right? dontchu hate considering someone ur best friend n then end up losing them? dontchu hate hearing "best friends forever" when forever sometimes ends in that case. dontchu hate when u ask WHY things happen the response u get is because things "CHANGED"...dontchu hate how when life is at its best for u, then something unexpected always has to happen? damn hella shit to think about. wat if one day ur closest friend betrays u in a way like no other, wat do u do? wat do u think? were they a TRUE friend from the start? you can never tell, u can consider, think, assume, pray, hope, and wish, but in reality u'll never know cuz CHANGE always comes around; people change and u cant do nothin bout it.........when it comes to relationships, how do u go about it? u think u know someone, but they show u something else. they tell u something, but they show u something else. "ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS" is important. and everyday im realizing that its true. a big heart can say something, but it takes a bigger heart to show u. saying "sorry" doesnt mean nothin until u prove it. it doesnt show me ur really sorry. in my mind, its just a word being tossed around. saying "i love you" is takin a big step, but i think people shouldnt say it if they dont know wat it is they love...wanting the best for urself can be stressin cuz u always think about something else. u want everyone to be happy with no tears, no frustration, no one mad, no stress, but sometimes when the right thing comes around, someone ends up crying, stressed, or scared. no one knows wat the future holds. but u gotta live everyday as best as u can. u have to deal with all the problems. no one's perfect. thats reality. we all live in the same world dealing with the same shit. nothing revolves around nobody unless u make it, and i've learned that if someone cant meet u half way on wat ur givin to them, then thats them and u cant do nothin bout it because thats on them. i've learned through the toughest ugliest shit that goes down, my friends r here for me as much as i am for them. they care as much as i do for them.....
damn i wrote hellllla.... well just something to think about. sorry if it dont make sense but yah....
THANK YOU to the ppl who been talkin to me these pass couple days n helping me feel better..... holly, max, len, emily, tiffany, brian, arejay, etc. |
