| Self Project.I`ve decided to take part on a self-project.
until the day I breathe my last breath.
small acts of kindness are very powerful.
there are so many struggling individuals that go unnoticed.
that feel invisible...
helpless.
i`ve always had a burden and yearning in my heart to reach out.
to help.
to make impact.
change.
and so i cooked up this master plan to become a social worker so that i may carry out this cry in my heart.
so that i have the opportunity to reignite the burnt hearts of the crippled.
because i know what it feels like to be alone.
to feel desperate.
to want someone...anyone...to just...see you.
notice you.
realize that you`re there.
dying inside.
forcing a mask upon your face so that you can deceive the world and conceal your pain for another day.
just so you don`t worry others.
the ones you love.
hold dear.
maybe i sound pathetic.
but i hated that feeling.
and i`m sure everyone can relate to pain.
regardless of what degree.
and i`ve always wanted to approach people who i felt were suffering.
from anything to severe depression or simply a bad day.
but i`ve always been scared.
i let my fears convince me to just keep my distance.
that i`ll probably get rejected.
called crazy.
weird.
too forward.
because i mean, i`m so awkward sometimes.
and i just let myself soak all this in.
to persuade myself that i`m not capable.
that it`s not my place.
well what then are risks for?
right?
right.
sometimes the right thing to do isn`t always the easiest.
nonetheless it should be done.
and i just love listening.
i have such a passion for it.
there is no greater feeling.
you know?
to know that you`ve lifted someone else's burden at least a little bit.
taken a little bit off his/her shoulders.
i just...
man.
words cannot describe.
but it`s priceless.
anyways point is...
i`ve decided to take it all a step further.
to make an effort so that the individuals who feel invisible can realize that they`re not alone.
that people love them.
that people care.
that life is beautiful.
to approach people who eat all by themselves at lunch picking at their food because they had a bad day.
just something like that.
take small actions...
in hopes of brightening their day.
making a new friend.
and maybe even warming their hearts.
rekindle.
just to love.
maybe i`m crazy.
but it`s what i love to do.
...to love, because He loved us first.
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| Change.i wish i had a passion for school.
a love for academics.
don`t get me wrong, i LOVE to learn.
just not about physical and psychophysical laws.
just not about vectors and volume of ridiculous functions.
just not about all the standard biological structure/function business.
i just wanna learn about what i really wanna do.
i wish i found school to be intriguing.
maybe then i would enjoy these ge`s.
i can`t wait until i get into my upper division classes.
finally learning about things i`m ACTUALLY CURIOUS about.
anyways.
i`ve decided that i`m gonna try to love school.
to apply my effort into ALL my schoolwork.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
i know -_-
but i have to try.
i have to really start taking advantage of my education.
i have to realize what a great opportunity i have.
what i`ve been given.
what i`m receiving.
gotta stop letting it all slip outta my hand.
gotta stop throwing away and neglecting the gold.
that`s one thing.
another is...REDLIGHTMOVEMENT.
i don`t know who reads this or who even uses xanga anymore...
but http://www.redlightmovement.org !
please please please PLEASE check it out.
it`s about sex trafficking and forced labor.
people really need to stop being ignorant and really acknowledge that modern slavery EXISTS.
let`s take action.
let`s make change.
let`s stop it together.
please spread awareness.
wow the year goes by fast.
it`s already spring quarter.
my freshman year in college is already almost over.
i have about 7 weeks of school left.
midterms coming in a week.
and then it`s summer.
time flies by...so fast.
it`s funny...how we watch time pass by without really seizing the moment...
without really living life to the fullest...
instead we worry.
instead we complain.
instead we hate.
and so, i`ve come to a new aspiration.
to embrace life.
to love life.
to enjoy every moment of it.
to stop regretting.
to learn to let go of the things that hinder me.
to really move forward.
striving to stay on the right path this time.
so i can look back 10 years from now and smile.
forget regret or life is yours to miss.
if we appreciated what we had and still have...
if we were grateful of our weaknesses and tribulations,
acknowledging that strength will surely follow...
if we cherished every second of every minute of every hour of every day...
if we all lived each day as though it was our last...how wonderful would life be?
let`s live life the right way.
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| Love is a BATTLEFIELD.Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.
This all can pass you by.. Didn't I tell you
But I can't spell it out for you,
No its never gonna be that simple
No I can't spell it out for you.
-colbie caillat`s. ...yea. love is a battlefield...
we are young...
heartache to heartache we stand.
-carrie underwood`s.
...i love music.
the one thing that can touch and warm my soul...in ANY situation.
...so many things running through my head.
and...that many more things left unsaid.
frustrating isn`t it?
patience...is so difficult.
regardless, i`m still pressing on; it`s a forward movement.
but every now and then, i`m walking on memory lane.
not wanting to move forward.
and every now and then, my heart yearns for...certain...certain things.
but that`s ok, i`m adapting and...it`s all about sacrafice and acceptance.
appreciation.
i have to learn to stop comparing and criticizing...i do it oh so well.
TOO well.
and back into the present i go. |
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| Gibberish.i logged into my xanga account hoping to express bits and pieces of myself.
write a somewhat deep, intellectual post.
something intriguing.
somethingggggg......fun.
BUT MY MIND IS NOW BLANK!
...i just wrote down a GRIP of stuff.
and then i erased it all.
it`s kinda refreshing to do that.
just venting and then letting it go.
therapeutic!
i can`t wait to work at disneyland again.
i can`t wait for the summer.
i can`t wait to start playing drums and the guitar again.
i can`t wait for finals to be OVER.
i can`t wait for spring break=shopping.
i can`t wait to get paid.
i can`t wait until i can use my left leg again.
but most of all, i can`t wait until... SECRET! :)
a lotta other things, but i`d only bore you.
i really wanna start working.
with abused/disabled/handicapped children.
or children who just need motivation in their lives.
children who`re burnt out.
who need their candles re-lit.
i just hope i`m emotionally stable enough to cope with it.
wow...to be able to make a direct impact on a child`s life...
on anyone`s life.
to witness CHANGE.
that`s priceless.
i believe pregnancy is the most beautiful gift given to a woman.
to be able to carry life...
WOW.
seriously...blows my mind.
hahaha i think too much.
i wonder about the most ridiculous things.
oh boy, what i can do with my imagination.
well, back to painting my life.
day by day.
hour by hour.
minute by minute.
a step at a time.
(i secretly hope for a masterpiece.) |
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| Live. Laugh. Love.I gotta learn to walk the line.
walk the damn line.
without swerving towards distractions.
away from target.
gotta keep walking the line.
and.
forget regret or life is yours to miss.
simply said huh?
letting go...now that`s hard.
it`s so difficult to let go of regrets.
i wonder why it`s like that.
here i go.
walking the walk.
walking the talk.
moving forward.
if i had a chance to go back in life,
i honestly wouldn`t really change a thing.
i am who i am today because of all of those experiences.
each encounter holds great significance.
even though there were plenty of unpleasant surprises along the way.
think about it.
would you change something?
try to prevent something?
cause something?
...what would that make you?
where would you be?
DAMN.
i can`t wait to study behavioral science.
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