| ughso mikes trying to keep track of everything i do since i can no longer be trusted apparently. i gotta fucking job for what? to hear him complain more? i dont fucking understand and i probably never will since he doesnt give a flying fuck about me.. why do guys have 2 lie to their boys about the stupidest things? shouldnt he be happy hes in love? thats hes with the one he wants? that hes gunna marry me and be with me forever? or is that a chore to him? |
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| havent been here in a while.. thought i would make a comeback and see who still uses xanga.. usually on my myspace so catch me there at:: http://www.myspace.com/torn_into_shreads or on my sn at:: triizXequalsXice k'bye |
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| in general... </3I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice
when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special |
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| This post has been rated  - Parent or guardian approval required for minors under 18. |
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| I poured my whole heart and soul into my last entry.. It took me alot of guts to tell the world what im going through and whats been happeneing in my life.. If you havent read it, and you care about me, please read it but keep in mind it might be tought to digest. Well last night was the first night in a little more then a week that i actually slept.. I mean i fell asleep around 11:30, then i woke up at 4am, fell back asleep at 5:30am and now woke up the final time at 7am.. I think its not that i havent been able to sleep, im tierd and all, but im scared to sleep.. I guess all the traumatic events in my past kinda keep me from sleeping. I also have Night-Terror Disorder which is associated with really serious cases of Insomnia.. Last year my N.T.D got really bad, and i used to wake up with cuts all over, bloody nose, slit wrists.. it was really bad... It got to a point where i had to sleep in straps and i wasnt allowed to move until the doctor would come in and release me which would be about 6am... Then i would go home shower and return to school.. It got bad... I mean i thought it couldnt get worse but i was really wrong because it got so bad that in my sleep i would have adreline rushes and my strength would double and i would be able to break a strap and the beat myself with the strap until i was bloody and black and blue.. Mind you i was doing all this is my sleep.. So then out of nowhere it just stopped.. And now..Its back.. I woke up this morning with a huge black and blue on my sholder.. and a nice cut on my arm.. I didnt understand. I had a panic attack couldnt breathe.. I didnt know where i was.. I couldnt even remember i dyed my hair but thats probably the Tourettes speaking so i dont know.. If anybody has read Icy Sparks lemme know cuz my friend Mellie said it was reallly good so shes going to loan it 2 me.. Thanks Mellie... Alrighty i gotta go because i need to help my mother with the cooking and cleaning and such.. HAPPY TURKEY DAY!! Gobble Gobble.. HEhe... <3 MAria... <3 BiLLiE |
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